The Golden Boy

While on a date with friends Friday night we were talking about Danny.  My good friend was extolling how sweet and wonderful he is to her husband.  My friend had only known Danny for a few months and met him in person a handful of times.  We agreed with every possible positive thing she said. Danny really is the perfect boy.  "He's our favorite," I said without hesitation.  "Oh, but you wouldn't say that any place else," remarked the disbelieving husband.  "We might modify it a bit in front of the kids.  But really, he is the perfect boy and has never given us reason to dislike anything about him," was my reply.

On Friday last Danny was overwhelmed with being sick (a cold and reactive airway issues), less than 10 hours of sleep on average each night through the week, and too few mommy cuddles, so as he had a melt down over carrying his lunchbox to the car and begged to stay with Mama for the day, a knowing glance between Josh and I made it final.  Danny got a Mama day of resting and cuddles.  

We spent the day relaxing, which is so perfectly easy to do with Danny.  He is chill with waiting around while I do the chores.  He helps as asked and is curious about how my day goes.  With his help my morning chores were done quickly and we set out on a few projects together.  We have been wanting to do better about teaching the kids proper properties of finances so Danny and I crafted up some money banks.  The project was so delightful with him.  For a five year old, he is remarkably restrained and collected in his thoughts.  He observes intently and only asks questions if they are not readily apparent.  His childlike nature still gets excited about little discoveries.  Best of all, he is the most supportive and encouraging companion.  Throughout the project he kept telling me how well I was doing and how wonderful it was turing in out. I don't exaggerate, he really is this great.

We built upon the money grouping principles he had been learning at school to separate his money into tithing (charity), savings, and spending.  Another testament to Danny's goodness is his monetary worth.  This boy earns more money than the girls combined!  He cares to earn money and loves to save it.  He really is his father's son in that regard.  Part of the process of teaching banking in groups is that there is not often an equal amount of the unit there.  I left the option to Danny as to what he would like to do with his 'remainder' money.  Without hesitation he snatched the coins up and said "I want to put it in tithing to show God I love Him!"  This boy is golden.

Later we got to our purpose of catching up on sleep.  Danny has always been my most cuddly baby and I still love laying next to him for he will melt right into you comfortably and slow your heart rate down with his smooth breathing as he instantly falls into sleep.  He is such a calm sleeper the cats will come to him instantly to cuddle and sleep as well.  This day Danny was actually holding Toggs by the paw while they napped.  Chris was trying to groom them all three with intermittently grooming Danny's exposed arm and Toggs' head and his own hind quarters.

Danny is certainly a boy for whom I give daily thanks.  Even on his worst moments, he is angelic.  He and Viv are in a stage of getting frustrated with each other, which distresses Danny.  After hearing them start to flare up in the other room, Danny will come running to me exasperated with an air of despair as he describes how he wants things to work out differently.  Even when he gets frustrated with Josh he shows exemplary restraint.  At dinner a few nights back Josh was demanding something of Danny that was not to his liking.  Danny took a few steps back from the table and stood taking deep breaths.  His concentrated face and clenched fists were enough to tell me what was going on.  Josh had to ask.  In response Danny said "I am controlling my anger."  Oh what a blessed skill!

Moments, good or bad, are joyous with our golden boy.  God was gracious in giving us our miracle boy.  I don't know how all the mechanics worked out for him to come so easily to our family, but I cannot give thanks enough for the role he plays in it.  

but they aren't brothers

I know these two are often each other's only companions, but sometimes these two dudes are too close.

Life lessons from Burlington to the Book of Mormon

During our  verse-intense scripture study yesterday morning at breakfast we read "And it came to pass that the Lord said unto me; If they have not charity it mattereth not unto thee, thou has been faithful;...(Ether 12:37)"

As I stopped to define all the 'they's and 'thee's Viv paused as if making a deep connection.  This was my secret hope, that our 'mamacita' would recognize that it is a Godly principle to mind your own business.

After a longer than usual pause between breakfast bites she blurts our "Yesterday a lady at Burlington coat factory was not using charity to a grandma."  Yes, she was right.  We had unfortunately been in the kids shoe section when a very unfortunate woman decided to take out some of her agression on an innocent old lady that brushed up against her cart.  It was a very disturbing incident.  I had felt horrible all evening long just recalling what had happened, lamenting that not only the kids were in ear shot, but that I didn't think there was anything I could do but wished badly I could have changed something.

Scenario: A late 20s woman with a large cart containing a child pushes into a shoe aisle.  An older lady, later self-identified as 65, tries to exit the same aisle and bumps the cart since it is a tight fit.  Angry 20something blurts extremely loud "Whoa, you could have at least said excuse me or something!!" acting terribly injured.  The undetermined response must have been apologetic in nature for it was in a low tone and non affronting.  20something retorts "You could have done something instead of just barging past.  You touched my child!! And you don't just touch people's kids without asking!" Another quiet response in which she excused herself with a bit more of defense presumably.  The loud response was "well you need to learn how to respect people and not walk around like you own thing!!" or other likewise rude statement to which the older lady finally loses patience and retaliates "I am 65 years old you little brat! I could be your grandmother!"  I felt the same.  20something was being a complete brat.  Then 20something fumes back "Oh yeah, well you are a B**** !You lucky my gran ain't here because she would ....." At which point gratefully I had found the shoes needed with the kids and started walking away from the shoe section trying to explain to the children what an unfortunate and disrespectful interlude we had overheard. All the while still hearing 20something's declarations of perceived injustice.  

The incident did not sit well with me all evening.  Hearing such rude things and not being able to do much about it makes my heart hurt.  And apparently it affects the little people more than we understand.  The next morning, after ample evening distractions and a full night of sleep Viv recounted "That grandma called the lady a brat and that wasn't nice either. That isn't showing charity."  No, it wasn't we tried to explain, grateful in some sorts for having something real life to relate the scriptures to.  In the middle of our parental wisdom Viv bursts, "And then the lady called the grandma a B****"  Yes she did.  How unfortunate.  How did that make you feel when you heard those words? "Very sad."  So you wouldn't want to be like either of those women and create a situation where you using those words would make anyone else very sad, including your parents. "No."  We can't change what other people do, but we are affected by their choices.  That is why the Lord wants us to focus on what we are doing, to know for ourselves that we have "been faithful" in using charity the best we can.

The lesson ended with the allotted time passing and we had to get off to school.  My heart hurt again for a bit.  I don't think I could have done anything to be a positive example in that situation at Burlington for my children to see.  Although I desperately wanted to step in and defend the 65 year old woman, or at least apologize for 20something, the demeanor of 20something would have just made it more negative and there is a bit to self preservation. I was hurt just overhearing her mean words, being in the middle would have been worse and I would have lost my cool.  So all my kids heard was their conversation and their mother's dismissive comments about rude and uncharitable treatment of others in the shoe aisle.

This morning, as we reviewed the first part of verse 37 from the previous day and moved onto the rest, I felt like Moroni maybe hit the feeling spot on, although a bit haughty:
"(Lord speaking still) wherefore, they garments shall be made clean. And because thou hast seen thy weakness thou shalt be made strong, even unto the sitting down int he place which I have prepared in the mansions of my Father." The kids immediately pointed to our drawing on the wall which we have been relating to since the first of this chapter in Ether-

note that there is a seat on the right hand of God for the believers.  As we read in this part of Ether that another qualifications to fill that seat is to demonstrate charity and also have been washed clean through the Savior's atonement.  

Moroni continues his thoughts in verse 38: "And now I, Moroni, bid farewell unto the Gentiles, yea and also unto my brethren whom I love, until we shall meet before the judgement-seat of Christ, where all men shall know that my garments are not spotted with your blood."

There it was, Moroni felt it, I feel it sometimes too.  I can't be responsible for all those nasty people in the world, I just have to focus on myself and the kids.  But it does sound a little haughty don't you think that Moroni professes he will be there looking back on everyone else, with a tinge of self-righteous omnipotence knowing he is clean?  Granted he is a prophet and running away from all the bad guys on the planet who want to kill him at every minute (this is Moroni's second good-bye speech in the Book of Mormon, and not his last).  But, the picture I get feels really self-justifying; perhaps because I am putting myself in Moroni's spot and looking back at 20something.  

(obviously I have not got the whole charity thing down quite right yet)

A birthday in question: when parenting makes an otherwise festive occasion really forced

Viv's birthday is October 16th.  Having been born in 2007 she was on schedule to celebrate her 6th year of life.  Birthday celebrations are to mark the passing of age and growth into new stages in life.  And this year, we found out how negotiable birthdays can be.

The introduction of birthday celebrations in our family with Viv made a dramatic shift.  When we celebrated her 4th birthday we fast realized that the whole idea of 'my special day' was going to have to be eradicated from the family dialogue.  No more of the queen for the day if they are going to be a regular tyrant!  We also learned that gifts were going to have to take on a very significant purpose so as not to be expected as a reward just for having stayed alive one more year.  We do not support any hint of entitlement in this home.

Thus evolved over the last to years the family tradition of celebrating the things that make the birthday child special. I have really really liked this method, not just for the psychological effect on the kids, but for the mentality it puts me in as a parent preparing the days purpose; especially as it relates to choosing gifts.  Gifts now represent what we truly feel is special about our children and how far they have come in the past year.  As they open the gift we are happy to explain to them how their accomplishments of that year have affected the family and how we want to rejoice with them in all the good they have done and can continue to do as we support them.

Even with our most managed discussion of what birthdays are for, Viv has a built in diva that sets the day up as ultra dramatic.  As she is developing she displayed the budding awareness of dates and passage of time leading up to her birthday.  In her excited way, she was announcing to everyone weeks in advance the approach special day for her.  "How old will you be?" the friendly person asks.  "I'm turning 6!"  

Well, it is no secret that we have regressive struggles with Viv that range from two year old tantrums (yes still throwing her self on the ground folks) to three year old potty training to four year old indecision.  Yes, we grant her the grace of not having had the most smooth transition through many of those developmental stages and know that her brain is in a marathon race to retrieve some lost time, however, anyone who knows Viv knows she has a super developed sense of street smarts and awareness of social cues. 

 Thus, on a difficult day, facing more of the two-year-old than an almost-six-year-old,  Jost tapped into the hot-topic resource for our parenting benefit.  Watching her from the rear-view mirror pout and kick and nearly bite her siblings, Josh calmly said "I don't know Viv if you are actually turning six this year." Despite her will to be sour, the mention of the magic day snapped her out of her mis-matched emotion.  "What?!"  Her eyes popped open and the indignity of the possibility that she might not make it to her self-announced milestone stopped the whole show.  "I don't know.  You just don't seem to be acting like a girl who is almost turning six.  You are acting more like a four-year-old.  Maybe you are just going to stay five this year."  Viv's reaction to this plausible pause in time and progression toward becoming what she most wants to be, a teenager, was enough to give us the parenting ammunition we needed to keep her at point for the next few weeks.

Yes, we were shameless enough to hold her birthday over her head to help motivate her toward the behaviors we knew she could master.  As a desperate parent, you will use whatever you have, and generally that means you manipulate what is most important to the child at the time.  How many parents ground their children from the one thing they like most?  It works.  With Viv we have just learned that what she holds on to most is not material, it is the immaterial status of various social positions.  If you want her to stop spiraling herself into another mammoth fit, all Josh does is pull out his camera phone and let her know he is going to show it to whichever person Viv is most interested in impressing at the time.  This scares me sometimes because I worry that we are instilling some sort of social shame inside her, but what else have we got?

Back to the birthday.  

Viv really did do her very best and the equations of age and behavior were made more and more clear to her.  We just mentioned what age range her behavior was most developmentally appropriate for and she made adjustments.  Not that we were always setting her back, we also rewarded her with the idea that she really is acting her own age, or even above it when appropriate.  The night before her birthday, when I traditionally take up a little more of my precious sleep time to hang streamers and put the gifts on the table for the waking birthday child I was not in the mood to do it.  I still didn't think she was there.  Luckily, I have a loving and forgiving man as my companion and Viv's daddy who went and hung the streamers and I lay acting like a thirteen-year-old fuming in my own room.  

 A bit of sleep and earnest prayer met the morn of the 16th with a renewed possibility that all we will be better today.  We got Viv to school with her photo album to share at community time and I made it through the day planning to make it a special one for Viv.  Once home from school we had a dance party to a Glee Pandora station (Viv loves any music from Glee or Taylor Swift, I swear she is a preteen some days).  Viv wanted to frost her brownie-cheesecake dessert with purple frosting herself despite the sugar alert sirens blaring in my head.  Then we set up for dinner of ramen noodles, her preferred choice.  When Daddy joined us for dinner then we got to the celebrations of what makes Viv special to us:

6, yes all 6, flower power candles on an over sweet 'cake.'

Cards from grandparents and aunts that emphasized the qualities that they felt were best in Viv.

Sparkly leotards for another year of huge improvements in Gymnastics.  She shines there and is her most focused and uses her body to her best potential as a gymnast, which we love about her and for her.

The semi-practical gift..

"Never Peed in panties" which is significant for a six year old to never pee in her panties anymore....it didn't last long unfortunately.

This book reminds me exactly of Viv!   "YOU WILL BE MY FRIEND!" by Peter Brown is the story of super confident Lucy bear who is determined to make every creature in the forest her best friend.  In the end she finds that just being calm and allowing people to get to know you is the best way to make friends.  There is certainly a moral in there that we hope will pass on to Viv.

The National Geographic "First book of Why?" was another natural book to give to Viv.  We do love her inquisitive conversationalist but are encouraging to find her own answers to questions this year rather than expecting everyone else to give her answers or opinions.

 After the actual birthday Viv figured she had got to what she wanted and needn't pay attention to the behaviors of a six year old, since she was six now anyway, which didn't fly for us as parents.  Yes, we did take back some of her gifts as bounty until she reversed some of her reversals.  It still meant enough to her to 'grow-up' that she has now, more than two weeks later, earned back all her representative gifts of moving into a six-year-old life.  Yes, it has been a bit silly to have to hold in question Viv's actual developmental age this last while, but the pay off is worth it.  Even if we do look like mean parents for awhile and forced the issue just a bit.

When work is still play

October 28th, 2013

The one task of Fall outdoor clean up that never seems to be a chore; raking leaves.

Building giant piles and creating a nest all your own like never before, raking leaves.

Enjoying what nature discards and gathering the discharged from above; raking leaves.

Sounds and scents that linger in your coat as crunchy little bits bite fuzzy linings; raking leaves.

Being immersed in nature as our body's do the work that our mind hasn't yet figured out is work; raking leaves.

Trickiest Treat

Halloween 2013 was almost as tricky and a crazy treat as it was three years ago.    A fated trip to a Taco Bell on Sunday, October 31st in 2010 gave us the biggest scare ever.  Being a parent to Viv has been kinda like walking through a haunted house; it scares you around every corner, have a bit of a freak out moment, laugh and realize that what scared you wasn't that big a deal, and then you clench onto your partner and get ready for the next adventure around the corner.  Best part of it all, when you get through you are so happy that you risked it, and, AND, you had fun!

Last night was a reminder of what fun it is to be Viv's mom.  Amidst the drenching rain that plagued the trick-or-treaters and some crazy aches and pains - Viv had a clairvoyent moment when the costumes and the show was just taken off and she was her pure self.

 Because we love gymnastics and Viv would never miss a lesson if it  was left to her.  My already founded aversion to begging for candy and the poor weather made it a clear choice to keep our regular Thursday night schedule.  There were only three other people in the gym that made the same choice, and each had their coach to themselves.  AWESOME!  Viv got a one-on-one lesson for an hour and a half with her coach (at group rates) with a practically empty gym.  Talk about focus!

 The best part is how excited Viv gets as she feels that absolute mastery of her body and mind.  She gets pumped!  Her coach was amazed that she didn't get exhausted with that long session full on all by her onsies.  Nope, not Viv.  When it comes to gymnastics she has an unending store of gymnastic power.  A little power ranger in purple.  So happy, so happy with herself and that moment.

 Viv really undressed for Halloween this year and gave me one of the best treats of the week.

 Faith and Danny were hanging at home with Josh handing out some candies to the soaked and shivering few that were trying to enjoy the holiday.  The kids liked playing with Daddy and in the end were so happy they were warm and building with magnets.

As for the traditional, "where's the extra cute costumes?' Post for Halloween?  We had a Church trunk-or-treat on Saturday and managed to have all the kids in costume long enough to pilfer candy off of good Christian people sitting in the back of their car.  That was all the more candy I wanted in the house anyway.

Ever since reading "Mummies in the Morning" book #4 of the Magic Tree House series he wanted to be a Mummy, until we read book #5 just last week and he started think about maybe being a ninja.  So when we got him all wrapped up he was a bit moody and upset that it was difficult to walk and that you could see some flesh.  With a bit of foresight Josh and I brought along a backup costume for the trunk-or-treat and sure enough he was Captain America before the night was out.  It was a cool costume while it lasted!

Viv wanted to be a fairy queen. A what? A Dairy Queen?  Fairy, but Josh had a good time teasing her about it.  It was fun doing the makeup but then the dress we ended up having to borrow didn't work it into colors...she was just so pleased with having been primped and painted.

Faith was specific this year.  She was Glinda the Good Witch.  She loves characters and love being the bubble witch.

Josh and I went as Buddy Holly and a Bond Girl, both circa 1960, here you only catch Josh's baby blue suit that her really only put on for me.  He loves me.

Godly Parenting

Parenting in in this century is hard.  Even the definition of what parenting is has me a bit confused on days (I have been trying to create a working definition for my research and it is a kerfuffle).  But I don't need to go to the internet to tell me that parenting is hard.  I have kids.  They let me know every day that there is a lot of work involved in this precious work of developing souls into the people they are meant to be.  As I have been searching through the historical literacies to contemporary blogs looking for where mom's are instilling morals in their wee ones, I realize that being a moral mother is a daily battle.

At the end of the day, I am a Bible-based parent trying to be a Christian woman.  I think that encompasses as much moral guidance as I can muster for three kids and a lifetime of guilt for not having done it good enough.

There has been as storm of mental hurricanes swirling around my head since Sunday.  It all started with the candid conversations with Viv.

It had been a rough week.  The kids were out of school for fall break Thurs-Monday.  That meant a reintroduction to the types of energy cocktails we have in our little people.  Things can get a bit rocky and as a parent, we sometimes get a bit too reactionary.

Here is the document that evolved out of it all by Thursday night:

Unacceptable behaviors:

1- Lying

2- Disrespecting anyone in the family

3- Refusing to talking during ‘conversations

4- Willful disobeying

Told us:

-everyone at home makes her mad/frustrated

-she doesn’t like/love Mother or Father

-likes her teachers more so that is why she is better at school

-Doesn’t ever want to have conversations

-when asked why she said “Oh my God!” during play, she first said her Dad says it (which we never take the name of the Lord in vain) and then refused to say where she had heard or learned the term, she is aware that cussing is unacceptable behavior

• says she hits her sister Faith because “she won’t ever listen to me”
• Viv will not self-entertain and when engaging with siblings (her only option at home) has to be in the position of authority, dictating the game, or pestering them to get the attention she wants
• she always answers her teachers immediately and truthfully

We Told her:

-Based on the information we received from school evaluations (PTC)it is clear to us that her behaviors are choices based on audience (home vs. school) and our expectation is equal treatment, at least, in the home

• Because we love her, we will base our parenting on her potential not her current behaviors i.e. we believe she will succeed in life if she eradicates unacceptable behaviors so we are willing to do whatever it takes to help her get rid of them now, including spankings (which is standard with the other children)
• Made it clear that our treatment of her will be no different than her siblings because she is not any different, which will change some of our reactions to her whereas we have given her more options or chances for behavioral change she will now have the same expectations as the other two (comply or consequence)

Catalyst Day (Thursday October 24, 2013):

After many days of counseling as a family, as a couple, and introspection as parents we recognized recurring patterns:  All behaviors with Mom were either decidedly defiant and oppositional or manipulatively sweet it draw attention away from other siblings and interactions with Dad were to ‘win him over’.  On a day out of school the behaviors were so pronounced at home that we felt it necessary to make immediate changes.  We always show a unified front in all decisions made regarding what parenting choices we are making for her, even though now she has made a stand that she is not making any choices with us.   As Parents: we are trying to inform before any consequence occurs so they do not seem as unruly punishments but direct result of behaviors.  We have decided that she will no longer be given the option/consequence of going to her bed because it has become apparent that she prefers not to have to deal with the issue at hand and seeks to be sent to her bed as soon as possible to avoid processing and hopes the delay will redirect the consequence.

I look at it now and think - maybe a bit harsh. But when you are dealing with a really, uh.....special child, things are harsh.  Friday I went to parent teacher conferences to see if Josh and I were just seeing everything through a tainted class.  Yes, Viv is highly distractible and has some rough social patches at school, but everyone is super optimistic.  I got a bit of perspective about how she is working at school.  Basically the same things at home, she just has a more structured (?) or better (!) environment at school that makes her feel successful.  I am so glad!!  That is all we want for her as parents is for her to successfully figure out the labyrinth of her brain so that her life is successful.

With Friday's perspective, and help from my sister with Saturday's events (well all tend to push problems aside when family is visiting), we made it through with out any major issues.  After some long naps on Sunday we all sat down for some heart warming eats.  Josh took the more calm environment to have little introspective talk with Viv when the other kids were finished (Viv is always the last to finish because she gets distracted even when eating food).

Josh opened the conversation with:
"I know we had a few rough days back there.  Is there anything you want to ask me about the new expectations?"

Viv: "Why do I have to have consequences?"

Josh gave me a calming glance that had "Chill out, I've got this" written all over it.  He knew I was still pretty heated about things and often feel that her questions are a bit, well, manipulated or manufactured.  He can often give a more genuine approach to things.

Josh: "Why do you thing we have consequences?"  Ah yes, use the best of the communication tactics available from "How to Talk so Kids will Listen & Listen So Kids will Talk."

After appropriate stall for a bite of food and dramatic draw of attention, Viv: "Because that is how we learn?"

Sounds reminiscent of a lesson we may have had a thousand million times.  Josh illustrates with the available fork why it is good to learn from consequence instead of continually stabbing yourself in the hand over and over again with the pointed prongs of unwise choices.

Viv: "But I don't like consequences."
Josh: "That's why we have them.  Would you ever learn anything new if you knew you could get ice cream by just doing the same thing all the time?"
Viv, with a unwanting air to admit it; "I guess not.  I should learn."

Their conversation continued a bit longer with some semi-satisfying results and Josh ends his portion of the discussion with a giant squeezing hug telling Viv how much he loves her and how much she believes in her ('reprove betimes with sharpness and show an increase of love after"+ practicing what he is reading in "Building Confidence in your Child" + Josh's amazing ability to forgive and forget until the next infraction).  Josh then nods over her tiny shoulder toward me, the muted observer that I should follow suit and frankly forgive her for the past 4 days of emotional turmoil and confidence destroying tactics that she and I have jointly gone through.  Viv suspects that the pregnant pause also means it is now Mommy's turn to chime in on the subject.  I gather up all my mothering instincts to be the bigger person, and surrender them to my personal wounds:

Me: "Viv, I have a question.  Why should I have to forgive you over and over again when you show no signs of really repenting?"

With a slight tilt of the head and her biggest brown eyed practiced innocence, "Because you love me.?" Her answer was a statement, yet when she saw the skeptical response in my face she retracted her confident body language back into a question, showing me that I was supposed to explain it to her.  Josh's eyes also lazer-beamed a grown up look into my person, probably trying to awaken that grown-up I had shoved out of the way earlier.

"God loves all His children, but He can't bless them until they repent."

It was a semi-textual example of how the Bible can truly be used for situational advantage.

In truth, I don't remember where the rest of the conversation went with Viv because I got side-tracked with the fact that I may have just twisted doctrine to suit my preferences.  In my personal conviction of religious perspective I really try to keep a textual connectedness to all principles taught from scripture and abhor the extracted use of words for isolated benefit.  But when it comes to examples of parenting through the scriptures, it gets rather confusing.

God's adjust for each of His children through time.  There is the vindictive role of God in the Old Testament who punishes with candor. Yet, the moments of tender instruction to His prophets illuminates the willing forgiveness on the edge of the clouds for all of Abraham's seed, His chosen people.  It makes like children of Israel look like real idiots when they can't get their act together and just get out of the wilderness.  And what about the God of deliverance that helps poor Joseph rise from the bottom of the pits and prison to rule over all Egypt?  The lesson is that parenting is situational.  Or is the lesson that some kids are just better than others so it is easier to bless them?

Within the last years I read a inspiring parenting help book entitled "5 Spiritual Solutions for Everyday Parenting Challenges" by Richard and Linda Eyre, the founders of Joy Schools.  Their second suggested solution is "Remember God's Parenting Patterns."  They pull 15 patterns out of the scriptural accounts of God's dealing with His children.  Some resonate more prolifically with my own nature:
 3. God gives clear, simple laws with will-announced consequences, rewards, and punishments.
 8. God has a plan of happiness for His children
15. God makes family central to all and the core of His purpose.
And some just seem a bit non-applicable:
11. God sent His eldest son to help and save us.
12. God sends angels.
Others are still in the works for me personally, and obviously stumbling blocks for my relationship with Viv in particular:
1. God grants us complete, unconditional love.
4. God allows His children the chance to repent.
5 God taught us and trained us and held us close throughout the premortal life, and then He gave us choices and let us go.
13. God finds joy in His children and in His relationship with them.

Graciously, God is my Father, and is perfect in those points of parenting I struggle with.
2. God sees (and treats) each child as a unique and eternal individual.
In other words, I needn't worry if Viv is one who needs washed out in a flood or lifted from the ashes, I need to work with the individual she is and figure out how to get a bit closer to God so He can help me with her.  In my calm moments, I can see that and feel that.  It is in the more mortal moments that I loose my footing.  The best lesson in forgiveness will be in trusting that the Lord will forgive me for those moments I really messed it up with Viv.  She already forgives me.  That is humbling.  Because I love her, and I really really do, I will forgive and learn, too.  In parenting, we must always remember that we are just as much a child in God's eyes.

Yeah, she's cute and she know's it.  Lil stinker

Sarcasm, bleh!

The world of sarcasm is really starting to rub me wrong.

I have long thought that sarcasm is the less witty version of humor that has evolved out of bitter society and lack of punny things to say.  That may be rooted in lack of education or just being lackadaisical.  Either way, the predominance of sarcasm from the junior high "just kidding" to frankly just over characterizing others in a negative light, all in the ruse of making a sarcastic statement (purportedly humorous) is RUDE.

Sadly, I do admit that I laugh at others expense all the time.  And, some people that are the genuine artifact of dry sarcasm are some of my favorite people.  But, here I am on the end (in a very global not-directly-connected-way) of a sarcastic jibe and I am upset.  Not only that, but after reading a plethora of sarcasm yesterday my spunky optimism was a bit shaken.  RUDE people.

Just goes to show that not everything popular is praiseworthy.

The key is consistency

At semester's end  and the beginning of a master's thesis, I have begun researching mommy blogs.  There is a whole world of literacy for women that has dominated the blogosphere since its inception.  In order to hone my research I have be sampling the recommended 'top' mommy blogs to find 10 that I will focus on in my research of morality in mothering through literacy.

Along the way, through all this reading, and searching, and laughing (I am part of this community of women mother bloggers and it sits all so close to home, it is hilarious), I found out how I could have been a success.

I started this blog in August of 2008.  I have posted, in that five year span, 509 posts.  Roughly 100 posts a year.  Most of the top mommy bloggers have averaged a life of 5 years or more on the blogosphere.  I have not crunched their numbers, but based on their current practices, the main difference between them and me (beyond popularity, but this is to be described) is consistency and frequency.  These ladies blog daily or at minimum weekly.  They are consistent, and their fan base rewards them with following them.  Yes, they are hilarious and others relate to them, and then they get more fans because you come back to see what new they are going to post.  And so goes the blogosphere.  Mommy's making a little side cash from being visible.

I also realized that I could also be a published author by now if I had been consistent with blogging.  That might seem like a bit of a bigger leap, but it is not so big.  Most of the top bloggers have published books.  The correlation is tied to the fact they have drafted the majority of their novels in their blogs.  Yes, their books are primarily memoirs, which is the same thing as a daily blog post, mostly.  If you finding material each day to blog about, it is something you are researching and writing about, which is the process of novel writing, just putting a few more conjunctive clauses in there.

The realization sinks in that if I had just been a little more consistent all my dreams would come true.  True, not even my dreams have been consistent.  So I will just stick with the current phase of dreams and move forward with new motivation to draft my writing and see if I get popular in the mean time.  Isn't that the way it is?

And since they are already popular and I enjoy reading them, here are a few from my top list:
dooce.com by Heather Armstrong - most popular by far, so I get to involve it in the research, a little scattered though
The Bloggess - snarky and lots of cats, speaks to the 'at home' more than 'mommy'
The Pioneer Woman - still on the fence with how commercialized it has become in aspects but the confessions part is back to Ree
Edenland, has an aussie twist but so tender, very real and true to her life
Girls Gone Child- lovely writing and mommy centered

Obviously I have more to sort through, and I am filtering them some based on criteria for my research.  And, to give credit to this trade, writing a good blog post does take time and would be a wonderful job. Just this post has taken me about an hour (of course most of that has been sidetracked reading the blogs).  And now I have increased the popularity of the populated mommy blog space, follow on!

Early Fall Re-cap

I love that Josh and Danny work together on 'man projects.'  And without being sexist, the girls actually did not want to help Josh and I preferred mopping the floors in the other room.  Danny did get one could hit on Josh's thumb.

First weekend in October is a joyful relaxation as we join to listen to the living prophet.  On Saturday the kids were totally tuned in and making notes.  It did not last all the way through to the last session on Sunday, yet I count it as an amazing triumph that they are now take notes!

We got our first scholastic book order through the kids' school.  Since it was delivered through Danny's class (my most trusted child) he couldn't help but notice a very cool StarWars lego book that was meant as a Christmas present.  He is such a good boy we just let him enjoy it.  Danny and Daddy spent at least 15 minutes each night reading and following the instructions to build several different fighters or cannons and such.  It was well worth the early Christmas sneak.

I did some fall weather clean in the yard and cut out the sunflowers that had been harvested by the squirrels.  This sunflower was our largest, and they harvested most all the seeds out of it!  Larger than my head.

The kids had a day out of school for teacher inservice (who knows what those days are really for) which we celebrated by taking a bike riding trip to Pokagon State park to enjoy the early fall colors.  Daddy took a half day off work to join us and we enjoyed a full afternoon of running, biking, and enjoying nature.

Good thing it was a State park and not a national park - not only was it open, but the naturalist was there to feed the catfish and snakes live worms for us in the nature center.

She is only smiling because there is glass between them.  This rattler was ready to strike, all rattling and everything!

I always love this sloping tree grove down to the water's edge.

We got as close as you can to swans with small children.  

The next day was "Fall Festival" at the kids' school.  Mostly it was an event for families to get to know each other and the kids to play in the woods with their friends some more.  They did sing a couple of songs they have been learning during music time, including the school theme song "tall oaks, from little acorns grow..." I don't know the rest yet because those are the only lines that Viv will repeat.

While waiting for the hay-less ride we played on tire swings and had dutch oven cooking.

We then rode behind a horse around the school campus.  

Yep, that field is part of the campus.

So is that field.  The title does not deceive, it is Oak FARM Montessori.