Judas Iscariot was a our neighbor, wish I would have know that when we moved in.

Two phrases that are rampantly running around my brain trying to keep me from doing something rash and rage filled are from some wise men in my life:

• several year ago when my father was being undeservedly slandered at home while he was serving as a missionary in another part of the country I complained to Dad that he was not fighting back, his response was "Let sleeping dogs lie."  I have relied on that several times in my adult lifetime to keep me from getting into tussles with unseemly slanderers.  
• The second bit of wisdom that is keeping my soul from splitting in shattered faith is from a moment of venting to my husband after the heat of being burned again for having only tried my best.  I proclaimed "the worst is just feeling that you are being targeted and attacked when you have done nothing wrong!"  His response, "At least we are in good company."

I recognize that in light of the crimes in the world and recent hate crimes in South Carolina, my personal plight seems insignificant.  Yet I am hurt and have no where to vent and let it out that is satisfying enough to let this incident fly away from me for good.

Today a very kind man named Jeff showed up to my door.  Jeff works for the Department of Child Services.  He informed me that someone had made a complaint on the 15th about two accounts of abuse of my daughter that needed to be investigated.  I was blind sighted.  I was in the middle of wrapping up a productive day of playdates with my kids and yard work.  My good friend was sitting in my living room chatting about various minivans she is considering to buy.  And then the past jumps out of a dirty trash can and belches its way back into my life.

The two alleged accounts of abuse were in no way inaccurate.  We had, in fact insisted that our daughter eat her eggs at breakfast with the consequence that any food she tried to spit out would be fed back into her mouth.  The classic "you don't leave this table until you eat the food that is good for you" is how the case worker classified it.  The second account was using a cold shower as a consequence.  Yep.  We did that.  When you are resolved to do no physical pain to a child and they are out of control, your options to get their attention are limited.  What is shocking about both of these accounts is that we have not, nor have not needed to use them in over two years.  Meaning the child has moved beyond certain manipulative behaviors and we have a peaceful family and healthy child for having stuck to our guns during a difficult phase.

The question is who and why would this be called in now?  As I mentioned, those accounts occurred two years ago.  I had to ask Jeff again, how old is this request?  DCS only services complaints within 30 days of their report.  I know the rules and that he could not have disclosed who made the complaint.  I didn't have to ask.  There is one person that was once very close to us has become the persecuting Judas.  Someone who was part of my day to day life two years ago and has since turned into someone whose name stabs me to the heart.

You can't really ask what incited Judas to sell Jesus for 30 pieces of silver.  Money doesn't seem like a  good enough answer.  I can't understand why a person whom you have loved, trusted, helped, responded quickly and kindly to for years would suddenly take a turn.  Our only crime was to look for a different house, move out of the neighborhood and thus no longer be able to respond to her whims.  For years I helped with her yard, put up a fence at our labor cost, took care of her complaints of the alleyway, talked with neighbors she didn't like so that she wouldn't have to.  I gave her paint for her home and diapers for her newborn baby.  I weeded her yard and mowed her lawn when she was fully capable of doing it.  I shared the produce from my garden and gave them space in our garage to store their things.  I could have wronged her somewhere along the way, given her some little space to hold onto an error.  I don't get it.  I all know is that life since moving has been worse for us.  From my side of the newly built (demanded and harangued) fence along our abandoned property line that we manage from afar is that she cannot remember one good deed or moment.  She can't see that we were once friends.

And then calling DCS years later?  I know she has called the City on our property which has cost us literally $2000 on immediate update projects.  I know she called animal control on our renters resulting in them having their pets taken away.  We have had to block her number because of harassment and I have refused to pass on information of another renter that has escaped her tangled web of manipulation.  Oh now I sound vindictive....I am venting....I am upset and confused and just don't understand the Judas's of the world.  The ones that sell their friendship, forget it, or the ones that walk guiltlessly into a chapel full of Christian people and put bullets through their hearts.

The recourse left available for those holding onto faith in humanity is forgiveness.  Forgiveness carries with it a process similar to grief - disbelief, anger, resentment, venting, puzzlement, faith, prayer, belief, and choice.  I'll get there.  As Jeff, the bearer of bad news from DCS found out, I have done no harm here.  Let sleeping *female dogs* lie.  We are in good company.

Our home as we left it. (yes Judas lived to the right)

*P.S.  Last night I went to directly confront Judas.  She said she was not the caller on any of the complaints.  Although I don't know if I have built any trust back yet, my soul at least feels free of the burden of worrying why....I put a lot of store on face-to-face communication and I saw in her face at least the realization that any negativity 'anonymously' called in is not without consequence.  There is a great mystery as to whom would want to hurt our family with such accusation.  I did learn that even uncomfortable conversations are better than building up spirals of blame. I don't need scapegoats in my life; I need clarity.  Part of her rebuttal recounted all the positive things she felt she had done to sustain our friendship.  Maybe we all only see the best in ourselves.

Signed Off

This morning we put our fine 'John Hancock's on some significant documents which in essence said - GOODBYE HOUSE.

So lovely to have lived here. So blessed to have sold it too.

If all goes well, the kids and I drive away in a few hours and Josh loads the truck tomorrow to follow.

Within a Week

The move to IN is edging ever so closely....and as it does.....so a bit of mayhem comes.

Example 1: When taking in my van for a routine (if not late, and that is totally my fault) oil change the fantastic guys at Sun Devil, who have cared for my van better than myself in the past 3 years, recommended that we finally (after 2 years of telling me so) take a look at my transmission. Good thing, for I (or rather the semi-faulty 2001 Honda Odessey defect of a transmission) had nearly burned the thing through to a hollow black metal box in my engine cavity. Lovely men at Sun Devil are nurturing the transmission back to health with my money and their tender greasy hands. Although the repairs equal the current value of the van, it is of great value to me....for at least another 3 years.

Example 2: Having only Danny's silver Hyandui Accent race-car (it has a spoiler which puts in in the category with all race cars in Danny's world) to transport the family around, it started to crash under pressure. That is, it nearly exploded under the additional 200lbs of pressure and Josh's race-car like driving. With the blessings of all the holy angels sent to watch over Josh the car did not explode on the empty reservation road on the way to Josh's work, Josh got it into Sun Devil Auto in time to tell us that the timing belt was rattling/wiggling/ struggling near the end of its loop ready to pop that engine into oblivion (at which point Josh attests he would just take the plates off the car, scratch off the VIN number and push it into a ditch). Again, the saintly men at Sun Devil fixed Josh's car nearly in time for him to be right back to work the same day.

Example 3: We got the home inspection report back for our new IN home and saw some lovely gems (thanks to the handy digital pictures they now put with the reports) such as: Mouse droppings in the kitchen cabinets. A main waste pipe that has rust blisters which are leaks from the pipe that is rusting from the inside out. Corrosion on the outlet pipe to the water heater. The railings of the flat roof so dilapidated and unsafe that Dorothy's tornado blown house looks good. Birds' nests in both the gable vents large enough to be called condos. An open waste line under the upstairs bathroom (which the inspector said he could smell walking into the upstairs apartment but the tenants didn't seem to notice....uh....that's a poop hole with no top on it? not a problem I guess for some people). Various broken windows, damaged doors, missing paint and drawers and some of the finest jimmy-rigging of a dryer mount that I have ever seen.

Josh is getting stressed. I don't mind. Thanks to my years doing some of the finer jimmy-rigging with my dad at older rentals I say, what did you expect in a duplex that earns money for the landlord and he is selling for $65k? No worries. It kinda makes me like the place even more. Josh says 'The neighbors are gonna be really happy to see someone new moving in.

Luckily, I am in a really great mood and really excited for this move. It has been great weather here in AZ and the kids and I have enjoyed riding our bikes ALOT in the mean time. Hopefully we can just get all the closing docs on this house signed before Tuesday and my car back in working order so we can get to our new home and start....cleaning up mouse droppings!