While you were out

Closet before - blue painted wood. Not modifiable.

Closet After - white and clean and adjustable!

On Saturday Josh took the youth up to the Chicago temple, leaving me and the little people home.  For weeks I had been fuming about our master closet (after changing the angle of the bed it is what I stare at every night before sleeping) being super sloppy.  I had been devising a plan to re-do it all at minimal cost and finally figured out how to do it.  So, once Josh was out the door I went to demolition.  I knocked out the old shelving and ripped up the nasty carpet.  Proudly, I even puttied in holes and did two coats of white paint as well as finished the trim in the room AND made a trip to Lowe's with the littles in Josh's tiny car to get a few supplies (mostly paint).  I still got the clothes re-hung in the new closet before Josh arrived home at 10:30.  It was a twelve hour transformation.  I also managed to sand, putty and paint the partially remodeled wall in the command center and finish the white paint in the kids' room.  The house was clean and I was happy at the end of the day.  Mostly I was proud that I was able to rummage up all the pieces of the closet to make it work with only having to buy the support strips that go down the back to hook the shelves in to!  The rest were shelves and baskets we had bought for various other home projects in other states.  My favorite is that there are no more piles of Josh's clothes to fall all over the place and the clothes on the bottom row don't drag on the floor!

before

after

 I know, you're thinking it still looks a lot like a bunch of clothes hanging in a six foot box in the wall, but to me it is a world of difference that I enjoy every day. Little things keep me content, and if it involves organization too....wahoo!

The kid models in the after photos make it way cuter too.  I am a totally lucky woman, I have adorable kids and all my clothes fit on one long shelf (still way more than Josh's half, but I am a woman).

The Next Best Day on the List of our Lives

Saturday December 15th was the next day on the list of the best days of our lives.  Number one on the list was the day that Josh and I were married and sealed in the Idaho Falls temple.  Being married is great, being sealed is awesome.  So it is no question that the day that we had our daughter Viv sealed to us in the Chicago temple is the second day on that list.  

I have been pondering a lot on why that day was so significant; why it made the adoption day seem as only a stepping stone.  It comes down to my core belief, that I share with my eternal companion and we are teaching to our kids: this life is not the point of living.  We do not just wake up in the morning to live one more day and then another with whatever ambition suits us for the time.  We are here on Earth to become the best versions of ourselves so that we can return to a perfect place with the Ones we love dearest: Our Father, Our Savior and Brother Jesus Christ, and our Eternal Families.  

I believe that each person on this earth not only has a destiny to become great, but a purpose in doing so each day.  The best possible way I have learned to reach that potential is in families.  I love the family I came from so dearly.  My parents taught me righteousness and hard work.  My siblings taught me compassion and deep love.  When I met Josh I learned about commitment and willingness to change, and wanted to add him to that circle of amazing people I want to be with for forever.  So Josh and I chose to be sealed in the Temple of our Lord, in the way we know best on this earth to make a commitment to each other that will be honored by God.  That moment in which we made promises to each other and were promised greater blessings from on High started a pattern of life for us that we have continued in.

That life now involves three amazing little people with giant souls.  If I hadn't had a sure knowledge that people came from another sphere before this life before I had children, it has become extremely apparent after.  I know that all the goodness and brilliance that my children have did not come from me.  Sure, we are nurturing the best we know and teaching all the good I can; yet still, Faith, Danny and Viv are so much wiser than I could ever believe I created.  Parenting throws the purpose of life into a whole new belief bracket.  As we get into adult life we begin to learn from "the school of hard knocks." Choosing to become a parent enrolls you into "the school of sweet lessons."  It is still work daily, but it is the sweet lessons of life that come through the purity of innocent eyes and brilliant minds untainted by skepticism or sarcasm.  Kids are amazing.

The more I have gotten to know each of my kids, the more excited I have been to think that having been sealed to Josh on our wedding day ensured that I could have the privilege of being with my kids forever too.  They were already linked through blood, Faith and Danny, and I never worried about their qualification for heaven.  I kept working on my own qualifications for sure so I would be as good as they, who are comfortable in the presence of angels.  So even more true was the feelings I had for Viv. 

The more I have gotten to know Viv, the amazing valiant fighter that she is, the more I was scared spit-less that I wouldn't have her with our family forever.  It sounds a bit like a crazy lady - but my worst fear that haunted me from the day that Viv was legally severed from her biological mother to the day we were sealed was that Viv would die an orphan and her soul would be floating around in heaven, socializing with everyone no doubt, but nevertheless unconnected and lonely.  I am sure she would be wrapped in Jesus's arms, and I believe that all gets sorted out perfectly on the other side, yet in my worst dream I saw her floating away from me in space with a sad look in her eyes that pleaded "Mama, don't you want me?" It gripped my heart daily.  As the adoption process looked like it would get hung up on dumb details of payment this-or-that I nearly clawed at anyone near me to get them to understand that none of that was important to me, I just wanted my daughter!  I couldn't face the image of her little lonely soul floating away into darkness.

Of course, in God's goodness and grace Viv did not die between February and December and I was given moments of peace that all would turn out right in the end.  I cannot say I was always faithful in the great turns of the universe getting paperwork done on time, but I plunged forward as much as possible, pushing and bullying to make sure I felt I had done my best.  Faith and a great deal of dog-faced work got us to a committed adoption date.  As the days neared and others were making plans to join us for the sealing, my fears did increase and I held Viv a little closer.  Half consciously I didn't take the kids out and about much the week before the adoption and sealing finalized.  

I set the date of the sealing as close to the adoption hearing date as I possibly could.  I wanted to be gracious of family members that would be traveling to celebrate the big day with us and so we arranged to go to a temple nearest to us and a major airport.  We spent half a day on Friday after the adoption getting ready to head to Chicago, then picked up Josh and headed for the city.  The main destinations for the weekend were the temple, Legoland, and dolphins.  In that order of importance.  Rain or shine, a child's expectations are a powerful force.  

Friday we headed straight to Legoland discovery center (thanks to our homeschool science lesson unit of "Mom, how do they make....." sponsored by YouTube in which we learned exclusively about legos for three days because the kids were fascinated)  and played until family flew in.  Saturday morning despite freezing rain we headed to the Brookfield zoo to make sure we saw a dolphin show (Danny has recently decided he will be a dolphin trainer) before getting to our appointed time for the sealing in the Chicago LDS Temple.  I was so grateful to have our righteous family surrounding us in that glorious place, reminding me of heaven and giving me a glimpse into the heaven I believe will come.  Both sets of grandparents were there: Dan and Michelle Button and J.D. and Ann Hancock, as well as my two sisters Brooke and Jill.  

Entering the temple as a family was a wondrous experience.  The kids make the monthly temple trips with Josh and I to the temple so that we parents can serve there.  Being children, they do not yet enter the temple to preform the vicarious service.  They are okay with that.  They have so much wisdom to accept things that would be hard to explain to an adult.  The love being at the temple with us though and look forward to our trips.  They were innocently excited to be able to go into the temple for this special occasion.  Admittedly, Viv seemed most excited about wearing her new white dress.  The kids strode into the temple more comfortably than anyone I had ever seen.  It was as if they were visiting their best friend there.  All that big soul wisdom seemed to sustain me in the moment that I was to leave them in the care of temple workers until the time we would meet in the sealing room.  They looked at me with true confidence in the process and assurity that we were all doing just the right thing.

Once dressed and all the paperwork double checked, Josh and I entered the sealing room.  The hush and loving anticipation of guests and family felt very familiar.  I could feel within me that I was certainly seven years older and further on in life, but the newness of that moment was precisely the same as my wedding day.  It was almost perfect.  Almost because my kids were not yet with me.  

The wise sealer spoke with us a moment before the kids came up to clarify our understanding of the sealing ordinance, specifically what it would mean for Viv.  His words were a balm of Giliead to my guilt ridden worried mother's heart.  Viv is a gem and a trial all in one.  I have committed to take full responsibility for her as if she were born of me, and in that bargain I have got a whole lot that I am unfamiliar with or do not understand.  The sealer mentioned that the ordinance of sealing children to families is one of the very few choices that I am able to make for her that will assure her blessings in heaven based on my righteousness.  We all know I can't make her do anything, but I can make sure that there will be the basics of good assured her because of the choices I make.  That's when I cried.  It was the peaceful assurance I needed that I can be an okay Mama for this one.

They then brought the kiddos in.  All in white, they reflected the perfectness of heaven on earth, which is perfection within imperfection.  I couldn't help but notice how Danny's dinosaur print underwear was visible through his white slacks and the embroidered dog emblem on his white shirt was seriously misplaced for the occasion.  But he was happy and comfy.  The girls were lovely and decidedly more aware of how pretty they looked in white.  

The moment of the ordinance was quick and quiet.  Viv, similar to adoption day was more solemnly aware of things.  Contrastingly from the adoption day,  she was beaming. Absolutely radiant.  She was sure of herself and confident that this was all real.  There was no fear lurking behind it, just joy.  It relaxed me to see Viv as her best self.  She didn't ask her usual barrage of questions, she quietly smiled and did just as she was told.  Her tiny hand on mine.  A promise given.  No applause or hurrahs, just happiness.  Softly and quietly, Faith and Danny gathered around us all at the altar, happy and white and TOGETHER.  We looked briefly in the reflection of our family in white, all smiling, all embracing.  Then the moment passed.  As if a still moment when we could all feel what it really meant to be eternal and where happy with that and moved on in life's good blessing.

The kids hugged the rounds and Danny kept pouncing on the chairs like a puppy in his happy silliness. Faith wanted to stroke pretty things.  Viv just stayed near.  Quietly.  The children were escorted out.  Josh and I went to change. 

 I went back into the bridal changing room, which originally I had felt sheepish taking.  I was just changing into my normal temple clothes, but they were making such a big deal out of things.  Then I paused in that beautiful room full of mirrors for a moment of true reflection.  That day was something special and I was absolutely humbled with gratitude for life, love, family and my knowledge of it all.  God's Spirit filled my soul and I sat down for a moment to collect it in.  He had given me a daughter and also given me the tools I need to teach her.  He had given me His daughter.  And Viv is beautiful.  She is amazing and special beyond all I know.  Perhaps beyond allI will ever get to know.  Only in the reflection of eternity and myself could I feel that truth, inside the Lord's Holy House.  

Prior to December 15th we had talked a lot in our family about the reason we were going to the temple for the sealing ordinance.  This was something that most other adoptive families don't do.  We feel blessed to teach our children the truth we know and share with them the joys of revealed ordinances for our continued happiness.  Even when talking with the kids about what 'sealing' is, like welding, like welding a whole bunch of links together.  Once all welded together they they are stronger.  Our family linked together here on Earth and through that veil that separates heaven and earth is vast and strong.  All of those links are lifting me up and supporting me in my choices and failures.  Now my little Viv is linked right in there in the middle.  With all our mighty linked heart and faith we will all lift together in raising this lovely daughter of God.  We can rely on our collective strength that links us, seals us in deed and love, to our Eternal Family.

cause when we're riding in my Malibu, it's easy to get right next to you

Josh and I celebrated our 7th Wedding anniversary on October 27th!!  What a ride!

 I new that Josh and I were like hand and glove when we first met.  I suppose what I didn't understand was that the hand was still growing and the glove was stretching and all that process was a bit snug at times, kinda uncomfortable, and sometimes seemingly wrong.  BUT (and we all have a big but) there has been no question about ever taking the glove off, or the ring!

So our hair has changed, and maybe a few other things.  Our love has changed.  Our friendship has changed.  As we have just weathered through our 'Seven Year Ditch" we feel strengthened and connected.  It was really super awesome that my sis Jill came down from Philly to stay with the kids over night so we had our first time away together without kids in 5 years!   It was a crazy feeling just being us again, kinda like a return to the beginning.  

We drove over to Detroit that night, getting in super late and not even sleeping in the next day because we didn't sleep super comfy (I have one of those weird lady routines to be able to sleep and I didn't bring the hot pad or the snuggie...awkward you know).  Luckily we had schedule for an 8am sealing session at the Detroit temple.  A bit cheeky of me - I packed the same outfits for Josh and I that we had worn to the temple on our wedding day.  One of the temple attendants mentioned that we were a very 'well matched' couple.  The pun hit me a little later.  It was special to be across the altar from each other again on the same day that had joined us for eternity seven years prior.  I loved him more for being with me now, still, despite everything, Josh was there, in the same place we began headed for the same place we are both going.

Afterward we headed to the Henry Ford museum and took a look at things without kids pulling us around, thus we were more like kids.  I was amazed with a new feature they have of being able to collect information about the exhibits you want to know digitally and then they send it to you via email.  Thus we didn't take many pictures cuz we could have the pictures and info sent to us to share with the kids.  We couldn't help getting a picture with this Allegheny train tho - it is massive!  They are fully made of steel and could pull more than 27 million tons!  So impressive.  I think this is the very engine that the creators of the new Polar Express used as the model or the Polar Express.

We then browsed through the 'Driving through the Centuries' exhibit with the various cars.  Josh liked the speed and muscle cars, I was enthralled with the luxury cars.  I'm not surprised.  I couldn't stop thinking about the Dusenburgs or Bugattis.  So beautiful and custom.  

 Of course, during the war, the propaganda may have been a little over the top, but now it is entertaining.

 We high-tailed it home in the early afternoon so we could be back for the ward Trunk-or-Treat, which turned out to be all the Halloween the kids got this year, so we are especially glad we did.  And we got a wee bit of time with sis Jill before she went back to great Sandy in Philly.

Sure, it was a pretty cool weekend.  Yet, the whole ride with Josh of marriage is way more exciting!  I love him more today than yesterday.

First Family Temple Trip

 Growing up I always had an LDS temple nearby that I could attend and enjoy service.  For the first time for me, I had to plan a day trip of it to make sure that Josh and I made our goal of monthly attendance this year.  There are several temples within 3-4hour drive radius of IN (Indianapolis is in construction but not finished yet).  My pick of this weekends' excursion was based on available sessions to participate in.  We set out Friday night once Josh was off work and stayed in a hotel hoping to get an early start on the next day.  While planning, I of course found something for each of the parents to do with the kiddos while the other was inside the temple.  So - it was of to Detroit.

 Although I would have loved to visit Motown Museums, my first thoughts were of kid activities and there was a special 'Day out with Thomas" at the Henry Ford museum. I booked a slot on the train.

In truth, my kiddos don't know much of Thomas the tank engine because I don't think we have seen more than 1 movie with him in it. They were mostly just excited about riding on a train.  The excitement wore off as we realized that mommy had not packed near enough warm clothing for an open ride in a train in 40 degree weather.  Still, troopers that they are, the were as happy as could be while shivering.

 We rode all around Greenfield Village, a themed historical park for learning about inventions in the same time period as Ford created the Model T.  Which, they had rides in really Model T's around the village as well (for an extra fee of course).  We will explore Greenfield more on the next temple trip.

As it were, my kids were funsicles and we moved and rapidly as we could from one heated building to the next to get the roundlee'  of stamps to get a prize from our 'Day out with Thomas.'  One of the dumb stamps was to get a picture with Sir Topham Hat, which meant waiting in line on the sidewalk, not heated, while it started to drizzle.  I did try to convince the kids it was not necessary to get the stamps for a prize but they were stuck to the idea of a free prize (oh heaven help us fight the 'free' advertising gigs!) which ended up being a 'Find Thomas' poster.

Josh attended the temple in the morning and we swapped after lunch together. I was wise enough to cash in our day pass to Greenfield toward a family membership at the Henry Ford so we can go back each month we go to Detroit until we have seen it all.  It is all pretty impressive.  Josh got some pics of the kid at the car history portion of the museum.  The kids were happy with it.  Josh and I were/are still a little frantic but hopefully came home with a little more patient persepective.