Grace and a visit with Grandpa

I have been lurking around the blogosphere since our recent return from a long and lovely vacation.  It is like getting reacquainted with an old friend and just enjoying listening.  I am content not to get into all the posting of my own life because I enjoy other people so very much; their creativity, their realism, their love and heartache.  Life is beautiful from every sphere.  Even when life is coming to an end.

First and foremost in my mind from our trip was my most favorite part: a visit with Grandpa Alonzo Bowman and his angel wife Alice in Packwood, Washington.  The inception of our cross-country vacation came from the realization after a semester-long biographical project on Grandpa's life that there was so much more to know about this great man.  He turned 90 in April.  The fragility of life loomed around the corner and we knew it was time to act. ( I wished I felt that same pleasant pressure to line up our life and finances to enjoy all the people I love in our life, or at least had the resources to act upon them)  In God's good grace, and it is extremely gracious and loving, we were able to plan out the extreme vacation through 10 states, over the two major rivers in this grand country, through 4 National Parks and over the continental divide with the peaceful valleys of family visits in between.

Josh found a medical conference in Seattle that allowed him to join us for time in Washington and the two most meaningful days of our whole trip.  As Josh finished out his speed-learning session on basically everything a PA needs to know and I had rounded up the kids from 4 fabulous days with my best friend Kristen and clan, we went south around Mount Rainier into the peaceful retirement community of Packwood.  Grandpa and Alice had agreed to let us visit with him with audio recorders, video recorders, and a whole lot of curiosity.  During my 4 month ethnographic and archival research surrounding the life of Alonzo Price Bowman I had learned so much, and thirsted for more.  There was a beautiful development within the family as we all turned our hearts and eyes inward on the jewels of history that were right within our family.  Josh and I talked almost weekly with Grandpa for about 20 minutes, but his attention span did not go beyond that, leaving me with more inquiries on the tip of my tongue.  We would research around the details he had given, then wait for another conversation on Sunday nights.

While in Packwood we had two glorious hours of stories and smiles.  Grandpa sat at ease in his favorite rocker casually talking with me, looking past the iPad I held to record it all.  Grandma Alice entertained the kids with tricks and coloring and interjected her humble and faithful opinions throughout Alonzo's narrative.  Before arriving we had arranged to meet with them the following morning but had to be sensitive of their comfort and energy levels.  As we closed our evening talks and determined to meet for breakfast at a local diner, I was gloriously happy.  My love for Grandpa and Grandma Alice had increased almost as fast as the Grinch's heart.

As we phoned Grandpa on our way to the hotel to tell him the breakfast joint didn't open until much later than we had decided upon for breakfast, he declined from meeting with us the next morning at all.  I was heartsick. Even as the kids (especially Danny) were SOOO excited that there were elk in the fields surrounding our hotel room, I felt so cheated.  We were spending the night in a hotel so we could see Grandpa the next morning and that was not going to happen.  We went to bed that night, together, looking forward to breakfast alone the next morning.

Josh is the early riser in the family and had gone for an early run as he awoke (our hotel strategy for not waking the rest of us up quite yet, he goes to the workout room) in the quiet misty mountain streets of Packwood.  He, as I, was praying that we would find a way to meet with Grandpa one more time before we left and felt the impression that he might see him on the roads.  So Josh turned his run around toward the hotel, and with a small miracle, ran right into Grandpa Alonzo as he was turning out of our hotel parking lot.  Grandpa had not seen us in the breakfast area (seems that these too men have an inherited trait of waking early) and thought to move on.

I awoke to Josh's jubilant voice opening our hotel room door and ushering Grandpa in.  No one was upset to be awakened to the soft and sweet voice of Grandpa Alonzo's polite excuses.  He spent an hour with us, having brought a special momento from his war days to share with us: a hand carved wooden shoe with his infantry symbol (the Cross of Lorraine) and the names and dates of every city he fought through during his 18 months in World War II.  I was giddy.  A bit bleary eyed, but giddy.

Just as we arrived back home in Indiana after another 3 weeks on the road, we heard from Mom that Grandpa was rapidly loosing weight.  Having a medical provider as a husband, we both knew what rapid weight loss meant after relatively good health.  Grandpa is now on hospice, back in Packwood after asking to have "no more pokes' from the good staff of Providence hospital in Olympia.

With grace and an open heart we thank God for letting us be with Grandpa Alonzo this summer.  And with some grace and agency, we hope to be with him, and many other revered family members who have gone on to their heavenly home, once our journey on earth is complete.  Family is everything.

2013? It was awesome

I don't know how I got away with neglecting our family's version of keeping track of what we have done (and sometimes just what I am thinking), but here it is, into a new year and I have neglected some of the finest finishes on 2013.  I will, of course blame it on the end of semester stresses and the flu, which caught us all off guard.  Yet, without dwelling too much on the missed opportunity of the past, here are some of the awesome photo-captured remaining moments of 2013:

A fantastically organized and generous classmate of the kids invited us all over to do a  gingerbread creation entry into the annual gingerbread festival.  Not only was it mega fun to see the kids playing together outside of school and working somewhat on the creation, it motivated us to go to the Gingerbread Festival downtown this year.  I understand it is a fundraiser so I will forgive the entrance fee to see candy piled in one giant room.  Pretty impressive, and the kids won 3rd place in their category for their interpretation of the historical impact of Interstates bypassing Fort Wayne rather than going straight through.

Since the children have recess in a lovely forest with amazing fall colors, like little squirrels they started to bring home their natural spoils.  We determined to put them to good use in one flourish of craftiness (which comes bi-annually for me).  The kids prepared gratitude trees for their classrooms made from the pieces of their very own woods.  It is amazing what some scrap wood and metallic spray paint can do.  I was most excited about the effect of focusing on what we are grateful for had on myself as well as the kids.  It was a good year to remember we are blessed.

Thanksgiving was a much slighter crowd than I prefer, which did not stop me from creating the regular smorgasbord of foods.  Thanksgiving is one of those days in the year when I enjoy making a lot of laborious foods to share with others.  The kids were my favorite companions through all the preparations and their enthusiasm and anticipation made the holiday so much sweeter than my sour attitude may have turned it.  And, low and behold, this year was a fantastic pie year!  Many thanks go to my amazing friend Naomi who has master the art of pie crusts and shared her recipe with me.

The Sunday after Thanksgiving started off our Christmas season with Advent.  I can't say enough how cool it is to have kids in this stage that makes everything magical again.  The kids were enthralled with setting a formal table and all the preparations.  Our dinner guests were hit-and-miss again this year (a very disappointing aspect of sharing a tradition with a modern society), but as Josh says, we have better company with our kids sometimes than if we were to invite others to join us.  Four Sundays of our favorite foods and we are fine either way!

Christmas Eve my darling husband ushered the kids through as many traditions as possible as I lay slave to a porcelain god. The stomach flu which the girls has overcome the week before waited for Christmas Eve to hit Danny and I.  Danny was a better patient than I and pulled out of the pukes within 6 hours.  My aging body was relentless in holding on to some severe inflammation for a few days but hey, I am learning to love and respect my body and its crazy anti-immune disease.  I particularly love this picture because it is a replay of a Christmas picture nearly 3 years old.  Oh they are still just as cute.

Josh's birthday came like clockwork the day after Christmas.  The kids were no less excited about gift opening, even if it were all for Daddy.  We open first thing in the morning so birthdays are like Christmas.  As any old-fogie would, Josh's gifts were practical work clothes and a challenge for a Spartan race in the spring. ;) we won't succumb to age gracefully.

On New Year's Eve, at 8:30pm, when everyone was asleep but myself, I opened up my early birthday present to myself and cuddled up with a kitten to usher in the New Year. As we say, the New Year will come whether  you are awake or not, so we may as well sleep!  I was cozy, and still wearing the pajamas on the 2nd as my birthday rolled around (I changed out of them for the day of New Years but got back in for the sleeping, oh so cozy).  

We had thought the last of our holiday vacation days had come by the end of today, but hooray for snow!  The 'severe weather' storm of the winter hit today, which reminded me of many a day sitting at the cabin in my childhood, lightly falling snow most of the day accumulating nicely up to 12 inches.  Church was cancelled.  Pretty much everything in Fort Wayne is cancelled for the next two days.  I suppose their snow plows are extra clunky? Knowing it was a wet snow the kids and Josh went out to smash as much of it together as possible in cute forms.  Supposedly it will be very cold the next few days after today.  Who cares, we still have more vacation together tomorrow!

Getting better

While going to sleep Saturday night Josh asked me if I ever used to play with my dad.  I paused to go back through the years and recollect the games and giggles that I had with a serious seeming papa.  Two things stuck out: Family Home Evening and pinching.  Thank heavens for the Gospel in our home growing up that guided the interactions I had with my Dad.  

I remember most the mandatory FHE monday nights.  We had to sing, have a lesson, a game, and a treat, no exception.  Most of the games were home made and there were some mad favorites.  I remember the receding light of day on our front lawn casting shadows over an elaborate obstacle course that Dad had built for us.  Each of us lined up on the sidewalk and anxiously awaited our turn.  I don't remember all we had to do, but it was a good competition, and lots of laughs.  I think for weeks thereafter we tried to make a better obstacle course than Dad but no one really mastered it.  

We frequently cleared the coffee table and pulled out a quarter to play 'slapsies and creepsies.'  In turn we would secretly pass the penny underneath the table until the opposing team determined our fate.  I believe this was the beginning of learning the 'poker face' when you were so excited as a child that the penny actually landing silently in your hand - at least until they called 'creepsies' and you had to slowly slide your fingers out onto the table without letting the quarter clink.

Dad truthfully came up with the best games and then we copied the until we were bored of them.  He often brought in scout tricks and laughed at our expense when we couldn't figure out his riddles.  More than once I sat on a wet rag playing 'Unga Bunga' or had my nose attached to a broom.  Dad just laughed inside and wouldn't give the answer.  It was fun for us all.  Although, it was hard to have to sit next to Dad during the lessons of FHE because he was notorious for pinching your leg to keep himself awake and watch the girls jump.  Those Monday nights were a haven.  I realize now that it is because of our parents' persistence that we all learned how to sing, play the piano, and teach the Gospel at a young age.  Those are miraculous skills!  And we did have fun.

As parents, Josh and I are getting better.  I am glad that we constantly evaluate and try our best to become better.  We determined that we would both like to play more games as a family. We want to fill our house with good old fashion fun and music.  THe influence of reading "Little House on the Prairie" series to our kids has been tremendous for us as we remember how simple it is to have a solid family.

 Sunday we set out to create a pattern despite being sick and tired (very literally).  Kids don't care how you feel as a parent, the just know what you are doing is lame.  Right after Church and lunch we sat down to a game of Memory.  Danny is particularly good at this game and Faith has extreme luck.  Viv just likes the attention she gets at her turn and strangely will turn over the same cards turn after turn after turn, but gratefully she has gotten out of the sulky stage of worrying about winning.  We played through twice, though we should have stopped at one since the attention on the second game waned fast; Josh and I both just wanted to prove that we weren't as rusty at Memory as we had been the first game.

The kids picked out Legacy for our afternoon movie/nap.  We piled on top of each other like a family of gerbils.  Danny and I slept through most of it and then on for a more drug induced sleep (me) while Josh took the girls out on a walk around the neighborhood.  When I decided to get up I found cups full of dandelions and other precious weeds on tops of loving notes from the girls.  Josh was sitting with the girls in the front room reading books.  Danny gravitated to the reading and I moved to the piano to fill the room with music.  Viv, our natural singer, was soon found at my side and I delighted in hearing her soft little voice mingling in and out with mine.  She just likes to hear the melodies and doesn't care that she doesn't know the words.  We played a bit of 'name that tune' and Viv was working on reading the titles so she didn't have to guess (she still really resents being wrong on an answer) and I was pleased that she new she could read well enough to work it out.  We sang and sang until Faith joined us and then my singer was out.  I continued to play the piano for practice, and an example to the kids who are now taking piano lessons, while the girls danced. 

Josh had disappeared with Danny and the girls soon found out where they were as they peeked through the front window.  Danny is a very analytical boy and is masterful at playing checkers.  Josh and I have been sad that most of our checkers pieces have disappeared - yet the simplicity of invention saved the day!  Josh created checkers on our porch and they used light and dark colored rocks.  I insisted the girls stay out of the game for at least one game before they ran outside in glee.  While I made a late dinner Josh taught them how to play four-square on the sidewalk.

The day ended peacefully together as Josh finished putting in the hanger rail in the kids' closet (part of our Saturday projects) and I read to the girls.  Josh stayed in the room to listen with Danny since we are all involved with the story.  Family prayers, kisses and goodnight.  Definitely better.

The Next Best Day on the List of our Lives

Saturday December 15th was the next day on the list of the best days of our lives.  Number one on the list was the day that Josh and I were married and sealed in the Idaho Falls temple.  Being married is great, being sealed is awesome.  So it is no question that the day that we had our daughter Viv sealed to us in the Chicago temple is the second day on that list.  

I have been pondering a lot on why that day was so significant; why it made the adoption day seem as only a stepping stone.  It comes down to my core belief, that I share with my eternal companion and we are teaching to our kids: this life is not the point of living.  We do not just wake up in the morning to live one more day and then another with whatever ambition suits us for the time.  We are here on Earth to become the best versions of ourselves so that we can return to a perfect place with the Ones we love dearest: Our Father, Our Savior and Brother Jesus Christ, and our Eternal Families.  

I believe that each person on this earth not only has a destiny to become great, but a purpose in doing so each day.  The best possible way I have learned to reach that potential is in families.  I love the family I came from so dearly.  My parents taught me righteousness and hard work.  My siblings taught me compassion and deep love.  When I met Josh I learned about commitment and willingness to change, and wanted to add him to that circle of amazing people I want to be with for forever.  So Josh and I chose to be sealed in the Temple of our Lord, in the way we know best on this earth to make a commitment to each other that will be honored by God.  That moment in which we made promises to each other and were promised greater blessings from on High started a pattern of life for us that we have continued in.

That life now involves three amazing little people with giant souls.  If I hadn't had a sure knowledge that people came from another sphere before this life before I had children, it has become extremely apparent after.  I know that all the goodness and brilliance that my children have did not come from me.  Sure, we are nurturing the best we know and teaching all the good I can; yet still, Faith, Danny and Viv are so much wiser than I could ever believe I created.  Parenting throws the purpose of life into a whole new belief bracket.  As we get into adult life we begin to learn from "the school of hard knocks." Choosing to become a parent enrolls you into "the school of sweet lessons."  It is still work daily, but it is the sweet lessons of life that come through the purity of innocent eyes and brilliant minds untainted by skepticism or sarcasm.  Kids are amazing.

The more I have gotten to know each of my kids, the more excited I have been to think that having been sealed to Josh on our wedding day ensured that I could have the privilege of being with my kids forever too.  They were already linked through blood, Faith and Danny, and I never worried about their qualification for heaven.  I kept working on my own qualifications for sure so I would be as good as they, who are comfortable in the presence of angels.  So even more true was the feelings I had for Viv. 

The more I have gotten to know Viv, the amazing valiant fighter that she is, the more I was scared spit-less that I wouldn't have her with our family forever.  It sounds a bit like a crazy lady - but my worst fear that haunted me from the day that Viv was legally severed from her biological mother to the day we were sealed was that Viv would die an orphan and her soul would be floating around in heaven, socializing with everyone no doubt, but nevertheless unconnected and lonely.  I am sure she would be wrapped in Jesus's arms, and I believe that all gets sorted out perfectly on the other side, yet in my worst dream I saw her floating away from me in space with a sad look in her eyes that pleaded "Mama, don't you want me?" It gripped my heart daily.  As the adoption process looked like it would get hung up on dumb details of payment this-or-that I nearly clawed at anyone near me to get them to understand that none of that was important to me, I just wanted my daughter!  I couldn't face the image of her little lonely soul floating away into darkness.

Of course, in God's goodness and grace Viv did not die between February and December and I was given moments of peace that all would turn out right in the end.  I cannot say I was always faithful in the great turns of the universe getting paperwork done on time, but I plunged forward as much as possible, pushing and bullying to make sure I felt I had done my best.  Faith and a great deal of dog-faced work got us to a committed adoption date.  As the days neared and others were making plans to join us for the sealing, my fears did increase and I held Viv a little closer.  Half consciously I didn't take the kids out and about much the week before the adoption and sealing finalized.  

I set the date of the sealing as close to the adoption hearing date as I possibly could.  I wanted to be gracious of family members that would be traveling to celebrate the big day with us and so we arranged to go to a temple nearest to us and a major airport.  We spent half a day on Friday after the adoption getting ready to head to Chicago, then picked up Josh and headed for the city.  The main destinations for the weekend were the temple, Legoland, and dolphins.  In that order of importance.  Rain or shine, a child's expectations are a powerful force.  

Friday we headed straight to Legoland discovery center (thanks to our homeschool science lesson unit of "Mom, how do they make....." sponsored by YouTube in which we learned exclusively about legos for three days because the kids were fascinated)  and played until family flew in.  Saturday morning despite freezing rain we headed to the Brookfield zoo to make sure we saw a dolphin show (Danny has recently decided he will be a dolphin trainer) before getting to our appointed time for the sealing in the Chicago LDS Temple.  I was so grateful to have our righteous family surrounding us in that glorious place, reminding me of heaven and giving me a glimpse into the heaven I believe will come.  Both sets of grandparents were there: Dan and Michelle Button and J.D. and Ann Hancock, as well as my two sisters Brooke and Jill.  

Entering the temple as a family was a wondrous experience.  The kids make the monthly temple trips with Josh and I to the temple so that we parents can serve there.  Being children, they do not yet enter the temple to preform the vicarious service.  They are okay with that.  They have so much wisdom to accept things that would be hard to explain to an adult.  The love being at the temple with us though and look forward to our trips.  They were innocently excited to be able to go into the temple for this special occasion.  Admittedly, Viv seemed most excited about wearing her new white dress.  The kids strode into the temple more comfortably than anyone I had ever seen.  It was as if they were visiting their best friend there.  All that big soul wisdom seemed to sustain me in the moment that I was to leave them in the care of temple workers until the time we would meet in the sealing room.  They looked at me with true confidence in the process and assurity that we were all doing just the right thing.

Once dressed and all the paperwork double checked, Josh and I entered the sealing room.  The hush and loving anticipation of guests and family felt very familiar.  I could feel within me that I was certainly seven years older and further on in life, but the newness of that moment was precisely the same as my wedding day.  It was almost perfect.  Almost because my kids were not yet with me.  

The wise sealer spoke with us a moment before the kids came up to clarify our understanding of the sealing ordinance, specifically what it would mean for Viv.  His words were a balm of Giliead to my guilt ridden worried mother's heart.  Viv is a gem and a trial all in one.  I have committed to take full responsibility for her as if she were born of me, and in that bargain I have got a whole lot that I am unfamiliar with or do not understand.  The sealer mentioned that the ordinance of sealing children to families is one of the very few choices that I am able to make for her that will assure her blessings in heaven based on my righteousness.  We all know I can't make her do anything, but I can make sure that there will be the basics of good assured her because of the choices I make.  That's when I cried.  It was the peaceful assurance I needed that I can be an okay Mama for this one.

They then brought the kiddos in.  All in white, they reflected the perfectness of heaven on earth, which is perfection within imperfection.  I couldn't help but notice how Danny's dinosaur print underwear was visible through his white slacks and the embroidered dog emblem on his white shirt was seriously misplaced for the occasion.  But he was happy and comfy.  The girls were lovely and decidedly more aware of how pretty they looked in white.  

The moment of the ordinance was quick and quiet.  Viv, similar to adoption day was more solemnly aware of things.  Contrastingly from the adoption day,  she was beaming. Absolutely radiant.  She was sure of herself and confident that this was all real.  There was no fear lurking behind it, just joy.  It relaxed me to see Viv as her best self.  She didn't ask her usual barrage of questions, she quietly smiled and did just as she was told.  Her tiny hand on mine.  A promise given.  No applause or hurrahs, just happiness.  Softly and quietly, Faith and Danny gathered around us all at the altar, happy and white and TOGETHER.  We looked briefly in the reflection of our family in white, all smiling, all embracing.  Then the moment passed.  As if a still moment when we could all feel what it really meant to be eternal and where happy with that and moved on in life's good blessing.

The kids hugged the rounds and Danny kept pouncing on the chairs like a puppy in his happy silliness. Faith wanted to stroke pretty things.  Viv just stayed near.  Quietly.  The children were escorted out.  Josh and I went to change. 

 I went back into the bridal changing room, which originally I had felt sheepish taking.  I was just changing into my normal temple clothes, but they were making such a big deal out of things.  Then I paused in that beautiful room full of mirrors for a moment of true reflection.  That day was something special and I was absolutely humbled with gratitude for life, love, family and my knowledge of it all.  God's Spirit filled my soul and I sat down for a moment to collect it in.  He had given me a daughter and also given me the tools I need to teach her.  He had given me His daughter.  And Viv is beautiful.  She is amazing and special beyond all I know.  Perhaps beyond allI will ever get to know.  Only in the reflection of eternity and myself could I feel that truth, inside the Lord's Holy House.  

Prior to December 15th we had talked a lot in our family about the reason we were going to the temple for the sealing ordinance.  This was something that most other adoptive families don't do.  We feel blessed to teach our children the truth we know and share with them the joys of revealed ordinances for our continued happiness.  Even when talking with the kids about what 'sealing' is, like welding, like welding a whole bunch of links together.  Once all welded together they they are stronger.  Our family linked together here on Earth and through that veil that separates heaven and earth is vast and strong.  All of those links are lifting me up and supporting me in my choices and failures.  Now my little Viv is linked right in there in the middle.  With all our mighty linked heart and faith we will all lift together in raising this lovely daughter of God.  We can rely on our collective strength that links us, seals us in deed and love, to our Eternal Family.

12-13-12 Official Add-One Day

I know of a lot of wonderful people who refer to the experience of adopting a child as a journey.  If adoption is a journey, we reached the destination on Thursday, December 13th, 2012.  

Faith Vivianna came to our family as our first foster placement on October 31st, 2010.  I remember the crazy call on a Sunday.  It was a moment of elation filled with a long series of dot...dot...dot....  We knew she was a three year old girl being removed from a domestic violence situation.  Her name was Faith.  The told us where to meet them to pick her up and to be there in approximately 30 minutes.  Josh was out of the house home teaching and I called him with the excited tremor in my voice that we needed to go pick up our daughter.  I look back now and realize that, perhaps because it was our first placement, I believed that getting a foster child would be a wonderful addition to our family, and Viv was our only foster child that I referred to as 'our daughter' from the first moment.

The first few days were filled with caring and confusion, number one, what do with the double Faith issue.  Our first born insisted that we call her princess and the middle Faith.  Luckily, at our 'ice-breaker' meeting with Viv's biological mother we found that she had a middle name and we asked permission to use her middle name in our home.  For the first year and a half that Viv was in the family she was known as 'Vivy' to all.  She was diminutive and so it seemed fitting to keep the 'y' of her culture on.  Just recently she has insisted that she is Viv, without the y, although she is having a hard time figuring out how to write her big name since she learned Vivy.

The interim 2 years from pick-up day to adoption have been somewhat catalogued in this blog.  In February of 2012 all parental rights were severed from her biological mother.   Viv was four and a half and had already been in our home for over eighteen months.  The formality and finality of that last visit with her biological day I remember keenly.  I waited outside a building in downtown Phoenix by our van during the visit so anxious.  The meeting went over and every moment was agony.  I was terrified that something might happen to Viv and I would never see her again.  I wondered how much this last visit would affect her.  I prayed that her biological mother would not try following us.  It felt like a scene from a crazy heist movie where I had to steal away my daughter in disguise.  When she finally came out with the social workers with bags of stuff, smiling and happily confused I was relieved.  Truthfully, I was also angry at the biological for having popped back into the picture with all the showering gifts after all that time so now I was left with the responsibility of explaining to Viv why she would never see that woman again.  It was an age appropriate conversation at the time, but a very vivid moment for me in our transition to this final adoption day.

When we moved to Indiana in April we knew it would put a bit of a kink in the adoption timeline but were happy to be in a new home ALL together.  A new state has been a wonderful space in which to form new memories and solidify our family unit.  No more triggers of the past, just moving forward together.  In this new space we have learned the most about Viv.  She is vibrant and absorbent.  She does her best to learn.  She is quick to translate feeling into picture, a budding artist.  And yes, there are some 'things' that could hold her back.  Yet, praise be for a family and home life that will give her all the opportunity she could want to be her best self!

We finally made it through all the paperwork falderal with Indiana and Arizona, thanks to some persistence on Josh's part and the adoption date was set.  We had begun the dialogue about adoption a bit more after Josh and I took a mandatory class from DES to be licensed adoptive parents.  It was interesting for all of us to start talking openly about making our family official.  Personally, it wasn't comfortable; probably because I have carries so much responsibility for Viv during all her transitions and healings and done so much to keep her from talking of her biological mother.  Biological mother is part of the adoptive conversation and I was confronted with it a lot.  Over time, the conversation got more comfortable for all of us and we looked forward for the day that we got that magical piece of paper from the judge that would make our family official.

On Thursday my thoughts were consumed with the pending adoption.  Our scheduled time was 1:45pm with the judge.  Our attorney has been extremely efficient, has was our adoptive case worker here in Indiana.  We arrived in the extremely ornate Court House and were met by both.  The court house here is lovely and we had to ascend a giant marble staircase to get to the second floor rotunda meeting place.  As I walked up the steps with Viv's little hand in mine I couldn't help but start singing "Together at Last, together forever!" from Annie.  I may not be Daddy Warbucks, but I know what love is.  

Josh and I were able to review some of the official documents that will be in Viv's legal file (which we will not see again because it is closed at finalization of the adoption) that gave us some information we never had had before.  We got some definitive numbers as to how many half siblings Viv has, in case some day she wishes to seek them out.  We learned a bit more medical history of the biological mother.  Best of all to me, I saw the records of her birth.  It was like having a new baby born to me.  All those little facts that you send out in that first announcement were given to me on the day I official got my daughter.  Viv was born at 38 weeks on October 16 at 11:31p.m.  She was 8 lbs 15 ozs and 19 inches long.  That makes her heavier and shorter than my other two babies. 

While we were waiting for our court time Faith and Danny were actively exploring the court house, very much to their liking.  I found it striking that Viv stayed very near me and was wide eyed and solemn.  She has always been very perceptive when case managers are around and knows when she is being talked about.  I know she was paying attention to the details of what was happening.  I was glad we had prepped her for that day being all about her, since that helps her zone in a bit more.  I felt that we were both settling into this new day and all that it would mean for us.  Mounting to this day Viv had been following old patterns of sabotage which is normal for foster children; we all waited patiently through it for the settling affect of the adoption.

Being in front of the judge was the closest I hope to ever come to being on trial.  We were asked a few questions by our attorney that affirmed what was in our adoption petition and then the judge gave her review.  The wave of reality hit me when the judge smiled at me and said "The court states that from this day forward the child shall be known as Vivianna Hope Button."  It still chokes me up a bit.  She is my girl.  We have talked about her name for a long while; it was nearly a year ago that Viv chose her middle name as Hope during a conversation in which we talked about the meaning of names.  Finally, it was official.  I don't ever have to explain to people again that her legal name is one thing but we call her another thing.  Nor do I have to worry about her hearing her 'other' last name and not feeling included in our family.  She is a Button.  Legally.  She is a Button.

Out we marched from the court room with a new child.  Viv is ours and we are calm and peaceful.  I don't worry about being her parent anymore, I am.  I don't have to worry about paperwork or case workers, insurance or visits.  We are scott free and happy.  After all the hype of the day before, 12-12-12, we determined that 12-13-12 would forever be Add -1 day for our family and gave a dollar to each child.  We officially added one more to the family on that day, and it will be celebrated forever more.

The Courthouse doesn't allow anyone to take cameras or phones into the courthouse, so they graciously took this one token indoor photo of the day Viv was officially added to our family.  Sadly, since we parked farther from the Courthouse, it was not easily accessible to get to the camera of our own even for exterior shots....also known as, I was lazy so this is all we got.

cause when we're riding in my Malibu, it's easy to get right next to you

Josh and I celebrated our 7th Wedding anniversary on October 27th!!  What a ride!

 I new that Josh and I were like hand and glove when we first met.  I suppose what I didn't understand was that the hand was still growing and the glove was stretching and all that process was a bit snug at times, kinda uncomfortable, and sometimes seemingly wrong.  BUT (and we all have a big but) there has been no question about ever taking the glove off, or the ring!

So our hair has changed, and maybe a few other things.  Our love has changed.  Our friendship has changed.  As we have just weathered through our 'Seven Year Ditch" we feel strengthened and connected.  It was really super awesome that my sis Jill came down from Philly to stay with the kids over night so we had our first time away together without kids in 5 years!   It was a crazy feeling just being us again, kinda like a return to the beginning.  

We drove over to Detroit that night, getting in super late and not even sleeping in the next day because we didn't sleep super comfy (I have one of those weird lady routines to be able to sleep and I didn't bring the hot pad or the snuggie...awkward you know).  Luckily we had schedule for an 8am sealing session at the Detroit temple.  A bit cheeky of me - I packed the same outfits for Josh and I that we had worn to the temple on our wedding day.  One of the temple attendants mentioned that we were a very 'well matched' couple.  The pun hit me a little later.  It was special to be across the altar from each other again on the same day that had joined us for eternity seven years prior.  I loved him more for being with me now, still, despite everything, Josh was there, in the same place we began headed for the same place we are both going.

Afterward we headed to the Henry Ford museum and took a look at things without kids pulling us around, thus we were more like kids.  I was amazed with a new feature they have of being able to collect information about the exhibits you want to know digitally and then they send it to you via email.  Thus we didn't take many pictures cuz we could have the pictures and info sent to us to share with the kids.  We couldn't help getting a picture with this Allegheny train tho - it is massive!  They are fully made of steel and could pull more than 27 million tons!  So impressive.  I think this is the very engine that the creators of the new Polar Express used as the model or the Polar Express.

We then browsed through the 'Driving through the Centuries' exhibit with the various cars.  Josh liked the speed and muscle cars, I was enthralled with the luxury cars.  I'm not surprised.  I couldn't stop thinking about the Dusenburgs or Bugattis.  So beautiful and custom.  

 Of course, during the war, the propaganda may have been a little over the top, but now it is entertaining.

 We high-tailed it home in the early afternoon so we could be back for the ward Trunk-or-Treat, which turned out to be all the Halloween the kids got this year, so we are especially glad we did.  And we got a wee bit of time with sis Jill before she went back to great Sandy in Philly.

Sure, it was a pretty cool weekend.  Yet, the whole ride with Josh of marriage is way more exciting!  I love him more today than yesterday.

My Favorite Day of the Year

October 27th is my very FAVORITE day of the year! It beats all holidays and birthdays by far! I didn't even know until 4 years ago that October 27th would be the day that everything changed for the best for me!
And here's why:


See those gleaming rings and goofy grins?! That says "We just got married!!!"
Joshua Andy Button and Nancy Hancock were sealed in the Idaho Falls, Idaho Temple at 10am on Thursday October 27th, 2005.


What a gorgeous autumn day it was!


We actually broke tradition and held a pre-reception which we just called a celebration the night before on Wed Oct 26th at my parents' cabin in St. Anthony Idaho just on the banks of the Henry's Fork of the Snake River.


We did the family meet and greet-all that night; My folks flew in from CT that day and Josh's family drove over from WA and they all met for the first time all dressed up at the cabin. Josh and I really weren't even available to do the introductions cuz we were getting ready. We were blessed to have all of our family together comprising travelers from WA, TX, UT, AZ, CT, and FL.



as well as both sets of my grandparents (Grandpa Rasmussen was 90years old and Grandpa Hancock just passed last year)

We cut the cake that night. It was a yellow cake that I pleaded with Josh to not smear since I really wanted my dress to be nice for the actual wedding day. We saved the top tier for our 1st anniversary and served the other two layers as refreshments.



My beautiful sisters and bestest friends were my matching maids.


Josh got a censored garter pull and I threw the bouquet to the gals the next day. Of the four running for the flowers (Jill was leaving for a mission a month later so she really didn't need to catch it) Charisa was the next to get married although Ellie caught the bouquet (height advantage) who is actually the last one of the bridesmaids not married..;)



Yet, despite all the fun and excitement of those two celbratory days, what I remember most is this: knowing I was absolutely happy and that I would always be happy as long as Josh was with me. In four years we have moved 9 times, had 2 beautiful children, gone through graduate school and plenty of other 'stressers' yet we have not had more than one major fight! As I knelt across the altar from Josh, just waiting to say my part, I got more and more excited until I finally got to burst it out in a "YES!" All those promises I made to Josh that day I still hold true to. He is my one and only, my best friend, flesh of my flesh and I cleave to him as I do to no one else. I love him or today than I did on that day I felt I would burst with love, and I will love him more tomorrow! Happy Anniversary! This is the best day ever (so far)!