In the name of procrastination

As it is late-ish on a Saturday night and I have already watched a dumb movie this afternoon - my brain says there is no way that I can do any significant writing for end of term papers - I feel compelled to feel productive.  Posting feels productive.  As it is the last remaining vestige of journaling that I actively maintain (I somewhat compile my communications in a bit of an archive just in case someday I am famous and anyone cares), it is time to lay down some mortar that might stick together the past months.  As it is, I have no evidence online that the Button family continued to exist beyond the year 2014.  We are alive.  The apocalypse did not hit Indiana (although there are rumors that our proximity to Adam-on-diaman may give us some advance warning) and force us into oblivion.  Herein lies the proof:

We packed up and moved into our new house on  December 23rd.  It was the fastest  unpack I have ever done because we needed to have a 'home' atmosphere for Christmas.

In this photo it is very apparent that the elements of tradition that was forcing me to roll sushi on New Years was not personally what I wanted to be doing.  But the kids love it.  With the speed of the move, I am super impressed that I was able to keep up with any tradition.  But with the kids, they are old enough now to keep the guilt trip coming: that is the essence of tradition and as we edit our past when older, each one of those consistent years together will paint a picture of family bliss and fun despite Mom being cranky in 2015.

Josh and I made it to 33.  I don't remember what I got for Josh for his birthday and I only remember going to get some hair coloring done on my birthday...wow that doesn't speak well for early thirties!

Through January and February we had plenty 'snow day' cancellation from school which had nothing to do with snow but with a bit of chilled weather.  We loved having the ambiance of a fire to do some homework by on some of the chill days. I do have amazing kids.  Most of the time we are getting along and enjoy the same activities. 

Snow day core strengthening activities.  Viv is the only one of us with a strong core.  Danny is too ticklish to stay long in an airplane and Faith is floppy.  

So impressive - the kids wrote a play about cats and created costumes.  Day well spent.

January 14th, 2015 my baby turned 8.  Wahoo! I am no longer accountable for her sins!  Really, now we are all just accountable for the emotionality of burgeoning independence.

I couldn't have imagined how beautiful this day would be.  Faith chose to be baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  She has such a mature soul and perceptive intellect that the choice was deeply felt by us all and I felt something more pure than proud, perhaps it is joy.

While Grammie and Grampie were in town for the baptism we went out for the first  roller-skating  experience.  The kids were pretty amazing.  Maybe I am a mean mom, but I wouldn't let them use the walkers on wheels as a crutch for learning.  In my opinion, they learned faster than if they had a walker, but I have no proof that there is any correlation.  Mostly it was their determination. 

Disco baby!

March we took a trip over to Columbus Ohio to visit the Ohio State University.  The trip was a combo of PhD program interviewing, temple visit, and most important for the kids - OSU vs Boise State gymnastics meet!  We reconnected with a cousin of mine who joined us at the meet.  It was really cool to see the women gymnasts do some amazing stuff so close up.  We tell Viv were are investing in her college tuition by paying for gymnastic lessons now - no pressure.

I may have gone a bit overboard with the eggs for color, not that the kids minded. And we have a giant yard to hide them in, we just had to make sure we had an accurate count.  

With Auntie Jill living with us she makes sure we schedule plenty of outings to experience life beyond our home.  We watched the IPFW mens baseball up to the 6th inning and decided we are more excited for the Tin Caps season to open than we thought.

The excursion to the game was worth it for Danny who found a ball in the grass and when he tried to return in to the team, they said he could keep it.  Free game.  Free ball.

I've been working hard as a student his past semester and have had some academic honors bestowed upon me.  Fancy.  I presented a couple of my papers at conferences and symposiums and it accumulated in a scholarship award from the department.  I am grateful to have the recognition not to inflate the ego, but rather to be able to celebrate what I am doing as a contribution.  It is nice to know your work is appreciated. 

Whereas I used this blog in one of my research projects on journal writing, which will probably become a theme as I continue to work with family history writing projects, I hope to keep everyone posted. That is, anyone who is still interested in the ancient form of blogging (came out in 2005 and after a decade in the digital world it is basically dino bones).  I teach blogging to my beginning composition students of one the original internet writing genres and LOVE it!

Autumn comes with the traditional

There are certain events that indicate Fall in Indiana for our family, and it seems they all came and passed this month.  We had Grammie visiting for the welcoming festivities of fall: apple picking.  Our friend's tree that we pillaged for fee last year was on an off year so we had to go to a 'commercial' local apple orchard to pick.  The name of this orchard gave us many laughs: "Tree Technology."  Yep, that's new technology - getting small kids with baskets on a stick to pick apples.Josh, the kids, Grammie and Aunt Jill picked 5 bushels of apples that we processed within that week to have plenty of applesauce and apple pie slices all through the winter.  The kids are always involved with smooshing the apples through the Victorio Strainer or twisting the peeler/corer/slicer, which makes the process move swiftly.

When the apples are on, we also know it is time to honor the man who gave us all this lovely harvest: Johnny Appleseed.  Fort Wayne claims the burial of Johnny.  We have a gravesite, although I am not certain, with many other claimants on to Johnny's burial, if the site is not just a relic containing maybe teeth or other random bones.  Ether way, all the community gathers for the fantastic festival in his park and celebrate the handiwork of many who still create without technology (ha, tree technology orchard).  Each year we heard the kids past the vendors to the settler's area and learn some new skills.  This year's skills were:  clay wheel pottery, woodworking (mostly for Josh who still dreams that he will have a wood shop some day), wood carving, copper smithing, and tinkering. 

This fella gave the kids a bit of a science lesson by carving back the stick and then pulling out the worms that were the cause of the great maple to fall.  Josh admired the lacquering.

Because it was the very end of the day the tinkers let the kids play with all sorts of machines and gave them lots of tin trinkets to play with.  They gave the kids a math lesson as to why you need to know geomotrey. 

 Another fall time favorite - the annual Fort4Fit race.  This year we worked with the kids through the end of the summer to run 25 miles, all building up to the Kids Marathon for Fort4Fit.  The kids had gotten the racing bug when we did the Spartan Race in the spring and were mostly willing to do the training.  We were amazed by how well they did on the actual race night!  With Jill, we had one adult per child to run with the kids during the mile long course.  Viv ran hard with Jill, Faith stayed consistent and long strided with her dad, and I ran with Danny.  I was most impressed with Danny.  Throughout the summer he was the least enthused about continuous running; often stopping with side aches.  However, for the race, Danny kept a steady jog the whole time.  We talked about Captain America, of course, to pass the second half mile and he made it the whole way without walking!  All three were so happy to have their medals!  It is so nice to have this family friendly race so close to our home, it is really too easy to do I would be ashamed if we had not involved the kids in their own race.

Start time was 7:30am this year instead of 8am.

The next morning I woke up and walked up to the race start for the 10K race.  Some friends joined me for the start.  To my happy surprise, Jill rode her bike up and became my support through the whole race.  I certainly wasn't in my favored shape for the race, but I made some goals and kept them, only missing my goal finish by one minute (should have followed Jill's advice and had faster turnover the last half mile rather than trying to lengthen my stride, lesson learned).

Josh and the kids made it up for the finish so they could steal my post-race snacks and then go to the library.  It is a fun race because it ends in the Parkview baseball stadium and they have the racers on the jumbo-tron and announce their names so the family can be more participatory in the end.

A new fall tradition for us, thanks to Jill, will be going to a college football game.  We are still learning to enjoy the event, so it was super nice to head over to a small university in town, St. Francis, and watch our good friend and old babysitter Jason "Big Guy" Gardner play as defensive center.  Danny was intent not he game.  Faith brought a book, which suits her personality after watching some of the game she was happy to read.  Viv spent most of her time watching the cheerleaders evidently to figure outs why they had blue and black pom-poms (which she finally figured out about the 3rd quarter and announced to the rest of of that it was to match the team colors on the football uniforms).  It was a very good thing to broaden the horizons of the kids to some of the best parts of fall sporting events.  Jill and I also took them to watch IPFW men and women's soccer.

Academics

Just the other night Josh and I had a conversation about what being an 'academic' meant.

I was sharing with him the connective revelations I was making about change and faith from the combining definitions of two books Falling to Heaven by James Ferrell and The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown.  Dr. Ferrell is a gifted scriptorian and his book illuminates the paradoxes of the teachings of Jesus that can help us understand our relationship to God and dependence upon Christ for needed changes.  I had started with Ferrell's book a while back but had become frustrated with the over generalized use of loaded terms such as guilt and admit.  I had paused on his second part of the book called 'The Gift of Guilt" because I could not fit the term 'guilt' into any gift wrapping.  I understood the use of the title - obvious alliteration, sensational paradox - however Ferrell was not specific about what or how he was using the word guilt. I found I had to dig through his analysis of paradoxes too much to find his meaning.  It frustrated me because I wanted to feel enlightened by his scriptural analysis, not frustrated by his poor writing.

I realized my frustration had developed into the complaint "Ferrell is not being specific enough in the use of his words as an academic would."  Josh, of course questioned my complaint.

In contrast, through the gift of a generous friend I had started in on The Gifts of Imperfection and finally found some specified terms that would help me to sort out Ferrell's intensity.  Dr. Brown, having been trained in a specific academic research modual, is very careful to define the usage of any term that may have multiple meanings.  Her research likewise touches on the need to recognize our vulnerabilities and use them to instill confidence in self and action to change.  To me, both books were speaking to the very principle I have been pondering and striving to understand on a personal level: humility.  Yet, it was the combination of the two that allowed me to finally embrace where I am on my personal journey and identify where I am in relation to my Savior and where I would like to be.

So how is it that being more 'academic' about writing allowed me to clarify my own feelings?  I believe it comes down to being open to multiple definitions and allowing your writing to generate continued dialogue between reader and author through turning words and concepts into different points of light.  I had not been able to discuss what guilt was with Ferrell's text; his presumptions statements were so definitive that they could not be defined in any different way.  Brown offered her use of a term and then shared ways in which it would best work in the given research.  Both scholars are equally intelligent, whereas, in truth, one wrote in a style that I have been inculcated in while the other wrote to a different type of audience.

In Josh's opinion, Brown sounded like "one of those hippie-dippy philosophical types of self-help books that don't make any sense" initially.  For him, Brown was opening the subject too wide.  Yet, when I showed him how Ferrell's use of loaded terms without explanation created a whole different set of feelings in the reader, Josh began to understand how being more open in definition develops more personal understanding.  My term for this development of definition was "academic writing."

"So what is academic, then?" asked Josh.  He reminded me of the anecdote of the building mechanic who refused to teach his son any practical skills because he wanted his son to grow up to the be like the professors in the university buildings he maintained that just sat at their desks all day and thought.

Of course I can see how that perception is held.  Academics and research require a lot of reading or studying what others have said and then rolling them around in your head to see if there are other possibilities.  It is through the exploration of possibilities that new solutions or discoveries are made. If we had just accepted the first guesses on any subject there would have been no advancements made.

I offered the second anecdote that illustrated my point of view about academics: A humble worker had once heard a teacher say that they must find ways to expand their mind at all times.  She was skeptical for she sat on steps in an alley way and peeled potatoes everyday.  What was there in her world to expand her mind?  She began to observe the very small ants around her that scavenged the bricks at her feet and found pieces of potato peel.  Her curiosity grew as she watched them more intently and she began to notice patterns in their behavior.  On her day of she went to a library and found that there was very little written about the ants and their behavior, although she was given their name.  Over time, she developed some of the most accurate information about ants and their living systems and habitat that was later published.  All the while, she was just a potato peeler.

Before returning to the academic world, I have spent 6 years as just a homemaker.  Gratefully, my time in undergraduate studies had helped me to understand that my brain could be active at all times so I began doing more than just vacuuming.  I heard the rhythms of the vacuum as I pulled it back and forth and created rhymed meter poems about my vacuum.  While standing for hours at my kitchen sink paring fruit for canning I calculated the average time to fill one quart jar and the average numbers or jars needed, all the way down to knowing the amount of time I spent canning to the ratio of food I prepared for my family in one year to the second.  I learned about landscaping patterns, sustainability practices, psychology of happiness, and early child development.  During the mundane tasks my mind was able to roll around thoughts and feelings to the point of understanding.

 That, to me, is academic.  It is training the brain not to be idle and the heart to desire more than is just placed before you.  Therefore is the reason Josh and I hope our children will chose to attend a university.  Honestly, in today's economy, one is better of learning a specific trade for financial stability than securing stable employment as an 'academic.'  However, the academic person can fulfill any trade and expand their humanity if they have been taught to think and explore new possibilities.

Manstinct

Josh and I alternate putting the kids to bed, mostly based on what story the kids are most interested in hearing that night.  Josh is content with reading the Magic Treehouse adventures to the kids, long enough for both he and Danny to fall asleep and then the girls just fall asleep because Daddy's sonorous tones are matched only by his sweet light snoring.  I read because I don't want to do the dished and Faith really wants to hear more of Little Women and Josh can't do the voices.  Most of the time Josh joins us as I read so he can hear the story to and get in his sweet nap on the floor of the kids' room.  

One evening he was left was the dishes and did not join us.  I read until all but Faith was asleep and then remained reading ahead in the novel as she settled down to sleep.  I stayed there longer until I heard a thumping from the floorboards.  It was morse code - S.O.S.  Either the rats had gotten really large and learned how to communicate via telegraphs or Josh was on another one of his half-though 'man-stinct' adventures.  

Sure enough, as I went into the eating area and began to yell at the carpet I was assured that Josh and fit himself in the very small crawl space under the addition of the house to see if he could put more insulation under there.  Josh has a fettish with insulation.  He had crawled through the sometimes letterbox area in order to put one strip of insulation under the kids' room.  He had not made it to the kids' room, it was impassible.  All of those additions made to the original foundation were not made accessible to each other, which also thwarted his attempts to 'sure up' the kitchen floor.  

I tried to put on my best supportive wife voice and kindly tell him "I told you so" without being impolite, he was, after all, mired in dirt and other unseemly things hauling insulation to the nether-lands of our under-house.  I tried to make his return back to sanity a little easier by shining a light back to the exit area.  And then I watched as the foundation of our house birthed my husband, breach.

It may have been alarming to hear an S.O.S signal from random parts of my home, but it is not.  On another insulation escapade, Josh wedged him in the smallest attic space possible and then pounded S.O.S on the ceiling of our front room to let me know he was slowly suffocating and would I please shove more insulation toward him so he could crawl out.  Disgruntled yet again, I bit my tounge as not to say "this is worthless, and I told you so" and pass the insulation while trying not to die myself. I have come to accept that the motivation behind so many of Josh's 'need to provide' moments are motivated by "man-stinct" not logic.

Logic says that the actual benefit of putting a roll of insulation in a small area will not actually drop our heating bill significantly enough to worry about the trouble of getting it there.  Manstinct says that if I can prove that I can do it, I am a man that provides well for my family.  I suppose if he does not have the ability to go and trap food or shoot enemies, I must give him this small expression of manhood in urban life.

On Sunday, as the Fort Wayne area began to panic because more than three inches of snow was falling and there would be sub-zero temperatures, I heard the all familiar S.O.S.  This time it came from the roof.  Josh was on the flat roof certain that if he did not shovel of the weighty snow than it would surely collapse in the coming days.  I stuck my head out of the door to check if he was in actual danger when he requested that I go over to the neighbors and as for a snow shovel.  Wha? You went onto the roof to shovel it off without the proper equipment?  In a less polite mood, I hollered back that I was sorry but I did not support his current actions and he was welcome to get himself out of his own foolish position.  I wrapped myself tighter in a quilt and scuffled off in my haughty decision, until I saw the neighbor man who undoubtedly heard us hollering to each other coming out of his house bundled up to offer a shovel to Josh on the roof.  The shared moment of manstinct was touching as they collaborated on the need to insure their family's safety.

Yes, I am grateful that my husband has the instinct to provide and protect us all.  Although I may disagree with him frequently as to the most efficacious way in which to carry out said protection and providence, I breathe deeply and remind myself to be grateful.  Josh is a good man doing his best for us all, even when it gets him into tight spots.

2013? It was awesome

I don't know how I got away with neglecting our family's version of keeping track of what we have done (and sometimes just what I am thinking), but here it is, into a new year and I have neglected some of the finest finishes on 2013.  I will, of course blame it on the end of semester stresses and the flu, which caught us all off guard.  Yet, without dwelling too much on the missed opportunity of the past, here are some of the awesome photo-captured remaining moments of 2013:

A fantastically organized and generous classmate of the kids invited us all over to do a  gingerbread creation entry into the annual gingerbread festival.  Not only was it mega fun to see the kids playing together outside of school and working somewhat on the creation, it motivated us to go to the Gingerbread Festival downtown this year.  I understand it is a fundraiser so I will forgive the entrance fee to see candy piled in one giant room.  Pretty impressive, and the kids won 3rd place in their category for their interpretation of the historical impact of Interstates bypassing Fort Wayne rather than going straight through.

Since the children have recess in a lovely forest with amazing fall colors, like little squirrels they started to bring home their natural spoils.  We determined to put them to good use in one flourish of craftiness (which comes bi-annually for me).  The kids prepared gratitude trees for their classrooms made from the pieces of their very own woods.  It is amazing what some scrap wood and metallic spray paint can do.  I was most excited about the effect of focusing on what we are grateful for had on myself as well as the kids.  It was a good year to remember we are blessed.

Thanksgiving was a much slighter crowd than I prefer, which did not stop me from creating the regular smorgasbord of foods.  Thanksgiving is one of those days in the year when I enjoy making a lot of laborious foods to share with others.  The kids were my favorite companions through all the preparations and their enthusiasm and anticipation made the holiday so much sweeter than my sour attitude may have turned it.  And, low and behold, this year was a fantastic pie year!  Many thanks go to my amazing friend Naomi who has master the art of pie crusts and shared her recipe with me.

The Sunday after Thanksgiving started off our Christmas season with Advent.  I can't say enough how cool it is to have kids in this stage that makes everything magical again.  The kids were enthralled with setting a formal table and all the preparations.  Our dinner guests were hit-and-miss again this year (a very disappointing aspect of sharing a tradition with a modern society), but as Josh says, we have better company with our kids sometimes than if we were to invite others to join us.  Four Sundays of our favorite foods and we are fine either way!

Christmas Eve my darling husband ushered the kids through as many traditions as possible as I lay slave to a porcelain god. The stomach flu which the girls has overcome the week before waited for Christmas Eve to hit Danny and I.  Danny was a better patient than I and pulled out of the pukes within 6 hours.  My aging body was relentless in holding on to some severe inflammation for a few days but hey, I am learning to love and respect my body and its crazy anti-immune disease.  I particularly love this picture because it is a replay of a Christmas picture nearly 3 years old.  Oh they are still just as cute.

Josh's birthday came like clockwork the day after Christmas.  The kids were no less excited about gift opening, even if it were all for Daddy.  We open first thing in the morning so birthdays are like Christmas.  As any old-fogie would, Josh's gifts were practical work clothes and a challenge for a Spartan race in the spring. ;) we won't succumb to age gracefully.

On New Year's Eve, at 8:30pm, when everyone was asleep but myself, I opened up my early birthday present to myself and cuddled up with a kitten to usher in the New Year. As we say, the New Year will come whether  you are awake or not, so we may as well sleep!  I was cozy, and still wearing the pajamas on the 2nd as my birthday rolled around (I changed out of them for the day of New Years but got back in for the sleeping, oh so cozy).  

We had thought the last of our holiday vacation days had come by the end of today, but hooray for snow!  The 'severe weather' storm of the winter hit today, which reminded me of many a day sitting at the cabin in my childhood, lightly falling snow most of the day accumulating nicely up to 12 inches.  Church was cancelled.  Pretty much everything in Fort Wayne is cancelled for the next two days.  I suppose their snow plows are extra clunky? Knowing it was a wet snow the kids and Josh went out to smash as much of it together as possible in cute forms.  Supposedly it will be very cold the next few days after today.  Who cares, we still have more vacation together tomorrow!

Trickiest Treat

Halloween 2013 was almost as tricky and a crazy treat as it was three years ago.    A fated trip to a Taco Bell on Sunday, October 31st in 2010 gave us the biggest scare ever.  Being a parent to Viv has been kinda like walking through a haunted house; it scares you around every corner, have a bit of a freak out moment, laugh and realize that what scared you wasn't that big a deal, and then you clench onto your partner and get ready for the next adventure around the corner.  Best part of it all, when you get through you are so happy that you risked it, and, AND, you had fun!

Last night was a reminder of what fun it is to be Viv's mom.  Amidst the drenching rain that plagued the trick-or-treaters and some crazy aches and pains - Viv had a clairvoyent moment when the costumes and the show was just taken off and she was her pure self.

 Because we love gymnastics and Viv would never miss a lesson if it  was left to her.  My already founded aversion to begging for candy and the poor weather made it a clear choice to keep our regular Thursday night schedule.  There were only three other people in the gym that made the same choice, and each had their coach to themselves.  AWESOME!  Viv got a one-on-one lesson for an hour and a half with her coach (at group rates) with a practically empty gym.  Talk about focus!

 The best part is how excited Viv gets as she feels that absolute mastery of her body and mind.  She gets pumped!  Her coach was amazed that she didn't get exhausted with that long session full on all by her onsies.  Nope, not Viv.  When it comes to gymnastics she has an unending store of gymnastic power.  A little power ranger in purple.  So happy, so happy with herself and that moment.

 Viv really undressed for Halloween this year and gave me one of the best treats of the week.

 Faith and Danny were hanging at home with Josh handing out some candies to the soaked and shivering few that were trying to enjoy the holiday.  The kids liked playing with Daddy and in the end were so happy they were warm and building with magnets.

As for the traditional, "where's the extra cute costumes?' Post for Halloween?  We had a Church trunk-or-treat on Saturday and managed to have all the kids in costume long enough to pilfer candy off of good Christian people sitting in the back of their car.  That was all the more candy I wanted in the house anyway.

Ever since reading "Mummies in the Morning" book #4 of the Magic Tree House series he wanted to be a Mummy, until we read book #5 just last week and he started think about maybe being a ninja.  So when we got him all wrapped up he was a bit moody and upset that it was difficult to walk and that you could see some flesh.  With a bit of foresight Josh and I brought along a backup costume for the trunk-or-treat and sure enough he was Captain America before the night was out.  It was a cool costume while it lasted!

Viv wanted to be a fairy queen. A what? A Dairy Queen?  Fairy, but Josh had a good time teasing her about it.  It was fun doing the makeup but then the dress we ended up having to borrow didn't work it into colors...she was just so pleased with having been primped and painted.

Faith was specific this year.  She was Glinda the Good Witch.  She loves characters and love being the bubble witch.

Josh and I went as Buddy Holly and a Bond Girl, both circa 1960, here you only catch Josh's baby blue suit that her really only put on for me.  He loves me.

Godly Parenting

Parenting in in this century is hard.  Even the definition of what parenting is has me a bit confused on days (I have been trying to create a working definition for my research and it is a kerfuffle).  But I don't need to go to the internet to tell me that parenting is hard.  I have kids.  They let me know every day that there is a lot of work involved in this precious work of developing souls into the people they are meant to be.  As I have been searching through the historical literacies to contemporary blogs looking for where mom's are instilling morals in their wee ones, I realize that being a moral mother is a daily battle.

At the end of the day, I am a Bible-based parent trying to be a Christian woman.  I think that encompasses as much moral guidance as I can muster for three kids and a lifetime of guilt for not having done it good enough.

There has been as storm of mental hurricanes swirling around my head since Sunday.  It all started with the candid conversations with Viv.

It had been a rough week.  The kids were out of school for fall break Thurs-Monday.  That meant a reintroduction to the types of energy cocktails we have in our little people.  Things can get a bit rocky and as a parent, we sometimes get a bit too reactionary.

Here is the document that evolved out of it all by Thursday night:

Unacceptable behaviors:

1- Lying

2- Disrespecting anyone in the family

3- Refusing to talking during ‘conversations

4- Willful disobeying

Told us:

-everyone at home makes her mad/frustrated

-she doesn’t like/love Mother or Father

-likes her teachers more so that is why she is better at school

-Doesn’t ever want to have conversations

-when asked why she said “Oh my God!” during play, she first said her Dad says it (which we never take the name of the Lord in vain) and then refused to say where she had heard or learned the term, she is aware that cussing is unacceptable behavior

• says she hits her sister Faith because “she won’t ever listen to me”
• Viv will not self-entertain and when engaging with siblings (her only option at home) has to be in the position of authority, dictating the game, or pestering them to get the attention she wants
• she always answers her teachers immediately and truthfully

We Told her:

-Based on the information we received from school evaluations (PTC)it is clear to us that her behaviors are choices based on audience (home vs. school) and our expectation is equal treatment, at least, in the home

• Because we love her, we will base our parenting on her potential not her current behaviors i.e. we believe she will succeed in life if she eradicates unacceptable behaviors so we are willing to do whatever it takes to help her get rid of them now, including spankings (which is standard with the other children)
• Made it clear that our treatment of her will be no different than her siblings because she is not any different, which will change some of our reactions to her whereas we have given her more options or chances for behavioral change she will now have the same expectations as the other two (comply or consequence)

Catalyst Day (Thursday October 24, 2013):

After many days of counseling as a family, as a couple, and introspection as parents we recognized recurring patterns:  All behaviors with Mom were either decidedly defiant and oppositional or manipulatively sweet it draw attention away from other siblings and interactions with Dad were to ‘win him over’.  On a day out of school the behaviors were so pronounced at home that we felt it necessary to make immediate changes.  We always show a unified front in all decisions made regarding what parenting choices we are making for her, even though now she has made a stand that she is not making any choices with us.   As Parents: we are trying to inform before any consequence occurs so they do not seem as unruly punishments but direct result of behaviors.  We have decided that she will no longer be given the option/consequence of going to her bed because it has become apparent that she prefers not to have to deal with the issue at hand and seeks to be sent to her bed as soon as possible to avoid processing and hopes the delay will redirect the consequence.

I look at it now and think - maybe a bit harsh. But when you are dealing with a really, uh.....special child, things are harsh.  Friday I went to parent teacher conferences to see if Josh and I were just seeing everything through a tainted class.  Yes, Viv is highly distractible and has some rough social patches at school, but everyone is super optimistic.  I got a bit of perspective about how she is working at school.  Basically the same things at home, she just has a more structured (?) or better (!) environment at school that makes her feel successful.  I am so glad!!  That is all we want for her as parents is for her to successfully figure out the labyrinth of her brain so that her life is successful.

With Friday's perspective, and help from my sister with Saturday's events (well all tend to push problems aside when family is visiting), we made it through with out any major issues.  After some long naps on Sunday we all sat down for some heart warming eats.  Josh took the more calm environment to have little introspective talk with Viv when the other kids were finished (Viv is always the last to finish because she gets distracted even when eating food).

Josh opened the conversation with:
"I know we had a few rough days back there.  Is there anything you want to ask me about the new expectations?"

Viv: "Why do I have to have consequences?"

Josh gave me a calming glance that had "Chill out, I've got this" written all over it.  He knew I was still pretty heated about things and often feel that her questions are a bit, well, manipulated or manufactured.  He can often give a more genuine approach to things.

Josh: "Why do you thing we have consequences?"  Ah yes, use the best of the communication tactics available from "How to Talk so Kids will Listen & Listen So Kids will Talk."

After appropriate stall for a bite of food and dramatic draw of attention, Viv: "Because that is how we learn?"

Sounds reminiscent of a lesson we may have had a thousand million times.  Josh illustrates with the available fork why it is good to learn from consequence instead of continually stabbing yourself in the hand over and over again with the pointed prongs of unwise choices.

Viv: "But I don't like consequences."
Josh: "That's why we have them.  Would you ever learn anything new if you knew you could get ice cream by just doing the same thing all the time?"
Viv, with a unwanting air to admit it; "I guess not.  I should learn."

Their conversation continued a bit longer with some semi-satisfying results and Josh ends his portion of the discussion with a giant squeezing hug telling Viv how much he loves her and how much she believes in her ('reprove betimes with sharpness and show an increase of love after"+ practicing what he is reading in "Building Confidence in your Child" + Josh's amazing ability to forgive and forget until the next infraction).  Josh then nods over her tiny shoulder toward me, the muted observer that I should follow suit and frankly forgive her for the past 4 days of emotional turmoil and confidence destroying tactics that she and I have jointly gone through.  Viv suspects that the pregnant pause also means it is now Mommy's turn to chime in on the subject.  I gather up all my mothering instincts to be the bigger person, and surrender them to my personal wounds:

Me: "Viv, I have a question.  Why should I have to forgive you over and over again when you show no signs of really repenting?"

With a slight tilt of the head and her biggest brown eyed practiced innocence, "Because you love me.?" Her answer was a statement, yet when she saw the skeptical response in my face she retracted her confident body language back into a question, showing me that I was supposed to explain it to her.  Josh's eyes also lazer-beamed a grown up look into my person, probably trying to awaken that grown-up I had shoved out of the way earlier.

"God loves all His children, but He can't bless them until they repent."

It was a semi-textual example of how the Bible can truly be used for situational advantage.

In truth, I don't remember where the rest of the conversation went with Viv because I got side-tracked with the fact that I may have just twisted doctrine to suit my preferences.  In my personal conviction of religious perspective I really try to keep a textual connectedness to all principles taught from scripture and abhor the extracted use of words for isolated benefit.  But when it comes to examples of parenting through the scriptures, it gets rather confusing.

God's adjust for each of His children through time.  There is the vindictive role of God in the Old Testament who punishes with candor. Yet, the moments of tender instruction to His prophets illuminates the willing forgiveness on the edge of the clouds for all of Abraham's seed, His chosen people.  It makes like children of Israel look like real idiots when they can't get their act together and just get out of the wilderness.  And what about the God of deliverance that helps poor Joseph rise from the bottom of the pits and prison to rule over all Egypt?  The lesson is that parenting is situational.  Or is the lesson that some kids are just better than others so it is easier to bless them?

Within the last years I read a inspiring parenting help book entitled "5 Spiritual Solutions for Everyday Parenting Challenges" by Richard and Linda Eyre, the founders of Joy Schools.  Their second suggested solution is "Remember God's Parenting Patterns."  They pull 15 patterns out of the scriptural accounts of God's dealing with His children.  Some resonate more prolifically with my own nature:
 3. God gives clear, simple laws with will-announced consequences, rewards, and punishments.
 8. God has a plan of happiness for His children
15. God makes family central to all and the core of His purpose.
And some just seem a bit non-applicable:
11. God sent His eldest son to help and save us.
12. God sends angels.
Others are still in the works for me personally, and obviously stumbling blocks for my relationship with Viv in particular:
1. God grants us complete, unconditional love.
4. God allows His children the chance to repent.
5 God taught us and trained us and held us close throughout the premortal life, and then He gave us choices and let us go.
13. God finds joy in His children and in His relationship with them.

Graciously, God is my Father, and is perfect in those points of parenting I struggle with.
2. God sees (and treats) each child as a unique and eternal individual.
In other words, I needn't worry if Viv is one who needs washed out in a flood or lifted from the ashes, I need to work with the individual she is and figure out how to get a bit closer to God so He can help me with her.  In my calm moments, I can see that and feel that.  It is in the more mortal moments that I loose my footing.  The best lesson in forgiveness will be in trusting that the Lord will forgive me for those moments I really messed it up with Viv.  She already forgives me.  That is humbling.  Because I love her, and I really really do, I will forgive and learn, too.  In parenting, we must always remember that we are just as much a child in God's eyes.

Yeah, she's cute and she know's it.  Lil stinker

Cheering us on

I feel as though I am not a very consistent person, but I have consistent desires to be one of those people.  Writing falls under that category; I feel as if I loose the vibe than I am too far behind to catch up.  However, recent events have taught me to appreciate even the less inspired entries in the life of the Button Family.

To begin, I feel as though there is great need to send out some more joy and rejoicing!!

Applause for Blogger!
Now this blog contains some of the most precious things to me - pictures.  Within the last month our Mac had a pretty severe heart attack, or stroke, whichever mainstay body organ you would equate the hard drive of a computer.  It died.  We saw some warning signs, but did not take it to the doctor before they called the time.  Within that oh so dead hard drive are ALL our photos.  I know, backup and so forth, and we tried, just not often enough and this was before the invention of iCloud.  Now, all I want for Christmas is my pictures back, which may be possible in a clean room environment by some highly trained specialist, and to me, it is worth it.  Thank heavens I have been putting at least some snippets of life here, with photo evidence.

Hooray for Housewives!
I have had a bit of a showdown with my feminist teacher in my Women's Literacies course.  Some conversations were unpleasant, but I was bold in a way I felt I must (and feel very relieved to have heard echoed sentiments in the 183rd semi-annual general conference) and in a small way, triumphant.  Through persistence I have found a way to make sure feminist theory not overshadow the authentic feminine voice and have determinedly shown a true representation would be more humble and reflective of the sensibilities that make women excellent housewives!  I have felt so inspired that I have decided to formulate a whole years work on the subject, in the form of a master's thesis.  Ah! Finally to be inspired by a cause that speaks so clearly to who I am and what I stand for in an academic community that has been misrepresenting authenticity!  High point: my professor admitted to the class that if any woman were to suscribe to a feminist view point they must admit that feminism, as a body of theory and movements associated with it, has made some pretty harsh mistakes which still hold the name under a wicked lens. Own up to it, and then you are able to really understand what the third wave movement is all about.  And yes, I consider myself a feminist activist, and I will more than likely explain more about that as research continues.

Hats of for Dental Insurance!
We did our before-school-check-ups on the kids' teeth.  After our last multiple procedure visits in AZ for Faith and Danny we had decided to pay dental insurance - and hooray we did!  Faith had swallowed her crown and Danny's two front teeth were rotting at the roots.  Again, Viv gets high honors for having the world's wonder enamel with no needed dental attention beyond a bit of plaque.  End result, three removed teeth.  Faith had the rotted crownless tooth removed and Danny, well, we shall say that hearing the 'original' version of "all I want for Christmas" is delightful.

Last time with front teeth for years to come.

Two small treasures at one big price.

Small and strange perks of Indiana, what fun!

In the small quiet town where Josh practices medicine, the world's largest historic car auction happens yearly!  I think all the citizens of the town also own historic cars, for not only are there lots full of cars for auction prices, every house in town has a beautiful car sitting out in the front yard with a for sale sign.  I can't wait until we have money....I have my eye set on a few beautiful models.  It is a car lovers dream, and here we are in the middle of it!

And three cheers for finding what you don't need!

This is the house that Josh and I had envisioned as our forever home.  In the country with a wrap around porch.  Bonus for being in the correct location.  Naturally, when I saw a for sale sign in the front yard I convinced Josh that it would be worth our while to go walk through it, just to make sure that we didn't miss our opportunity.  Turns out the house is dreamy.  We did our research, and in so doing found an even dreamier home.  We tried to hurriedly get our ducks in a row to put an offer on our dream home, that was for real and for sale.  Turns out, ducks don't like being rushed or herded.  Although we did eventually round up enough of the appropriate ducks, our dream house had already floated out of our reach.  This house is still there.  We see it daily.  But we now know what ducks are ready and which are not and are happy to just stay in our own little pond and keep dreaming.  Dreams are useful, but it makes the most financial sense to live in what you can afford right now.

The sunflowers were incredible and made the house so quaint.

Our neighbor put up the picket fence and I like how nice it makes our home look.

As of Sept. 2nd we had put in a lot of work into this home, and it shows.

Backyard particularly has transformed with grass, fencing, 

and the almost finished garden.