Academics

Just the other night Josh and I had a conversation about what being an 'academic' meant.

I was sharing with him the connective revelations I was making about change and faith from the combining definitions of two books Falling to Heaven by James Ferrell and The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown.  Dr. Ferrell is a gifted scriptorian and his book illuminates the paradoxes of the teachings of Jesus that can help us understand our relationship to God and dependence upon Christ for needed changes.  I had started with Ferrell's book a while back but had become frustrated with the over generalized use of loaded terms such as guilt and admit.  I had paused on his second part of the book called 'The Gift of Guilt" because I could not fit the term 'guilt' into any gift wrapping.  I understood the use of the title - obvious alliteration, sensational paradox - however Ferrell was not specific about what or how he was using the word guilt. I found I had to dig through his analysis of paradoxes too much to find his meaning.  It frustrated me because I wanted to feel enlightened by his scriptural analysis, not frustrated by his poor writing.

I realized my frustration had developed into the complaint "Ferrell is not being specific enough in the use of his words as an academic would."  Josh, of course questioned my complaint.

In contrast, through the gift of a generous friend I had started in on The Gifts of Imperfection and finally found some specified terms that would help me to sort out Ferrell's intensity.  Dr. Brown, having been trained in a specific academic research modual, is very careful to define the usage of any term that may have multiple meanings.  Her research likewise touches on the need to recognize our vulnerabilities and use them to instill confidence in self and action to change.  To me, both books were speaking to the very principle I have been pondering and striving to understand on a personal level: humility.  Yet, it was the combination of the two that allowed me to finally embrace where I am on my personal journey and identify where I am in relation to my Savior and where I would like to be.

So how is it that being more 'academic' about writing allowed me to clarify my own feelings?  I believe it comes down to being open to multiple definitions and allowing your writing to generate continued dialogue between reader and author through turning words and concepts into different points of light.  I had not been able to discuss what guilt was with Ferrell's text; his presumptions statements were so definitive that they could not be defined in any different way.  Brown offered her use of a term and then shared ways in which it would best work in the given research.  Both scholars are equally intelligent, whereas, in truth, one wrote in a style that I have been inculcated in while the other wrote to a different type of audience.

In Josh's opinion, Brown sounded like "one of those hippie-dippy philosophical types of self-help books that don't make any sense" initially.  For him, Brown was opening the subject too wide.  Yet, when I showed him how Ferrell's use of loaded terms without explanation created a whole different set of feelings in the reader, Josh began to understand how being more open in definition develops more personal understanding.  My term for this development of definition was "academic writing."

"So what is academic, then?" asked Josh.  He reminded me of the anecdote of the building mechanic who refused to teach his son any practical skills because he wanted his son to grow up to the be like the professors in the university buildings he maintained that just sat at their desks all day and thought.

Of course I can see how that perception is held.  Academics and research require a lot of reading or studying what others have said and then rolling them around in your head to see if there are other possibilities.  It is through the exploration of possibilities that new solutions or discoveries are made. If we had just accepted the first guesses on any subject there would have been no advancements made.

I offered the second anecdote that illustrated my point of view about academics: A humble worker had once heard a teacher say that they must find ways to expand their mind at all times.  She was skeptical for she sat on steps in an alley way and peeled potatoes everyday.  What was there in her world to expand her mind?  She began to observe the very small ants around her that scavenged the bricks at her feet and found pieces of potato peel.  Her curiosity grew as she watched them more intently and she began to notice patterns in their behavior.  On her day of she went to a library and found that there was very little written about the ants and their behavior, although she was given their name.  Over time, she developed some of the most accurate information about ants and their living systems and habitat that was later published.  All the while, she was just a potato peeler.

Before returning to the academic world, I have spent 6 years as just a homemaker.  Gratefully, my time in undergraduate studies had helped me to understand that my brain could be active at all times so I began doing more than just vacuuming.  I heard the rhythms of the vacuum as I pulled it back and forth and created rhymed meter poems about my vacuum.  While standing for hours at my kitchen sink paring fruit for canning I calculated the average time to fill one quart jar and the average numbers or jars needed, all the way down to knowing the amount of time I spent canning to the ratio of food I prepared for my family in one year to the second.  I learned about landscaping patterns, sustainability practices, psychology of happiness, and early child development.  During the mundane tasks my mind was able to roll around thoughts and feelings to the point of understanding.

 That, to me, is academic.  It is training the brain not to be idle and the heart to desire more than is just placed before you.  Therefore is the reason Josh and I hope our children will chose to attend a university.  Honestly, in today's economy, one is better of learning a specific trade for financial stability than securing stable employment as an 'academic.'  However, the academic person can fulfill any trade and expand their humanity if they have been taught to think and explore new possibilities.

Easter 2014

Although it was difficult to have to with until the 20th of April this year for Easter, it did give us time to get in a bit of green grass and do some home improvement to the front of the house. 

My beautiful matchy family after Easter Church services.

 Josh is now working 50-60hours a week, thus the kids and I waited until almost the last moment to get the Easter eggs wrapped and painted.  Truthfully I have had some suspicious health issues that make me cranky and unenthused about many traditions, and then having to do them alone drags them into a realm of procrastination all their own.

Nevertheless and notwithstanding the personal issues, I had been reading a fabulous chronology of the final week of Christ's life to the kids as their bedtime story (yes, it was a bit over their head, which makes it the ideal bedtime reading because they just tune it out after I give them the highlights and go to sleep) which had emphasized the symbolic reasons we do all the egg/candy/bunny stuff.  It was a perfect year to to be talking about the true meaning of Easter with the kids and they really were interested in knowing about Palm Sunday, Passover, the Last Super, Good Friday and all the rest as we incorporated them into our daily discussions.

 Grammie and Grampie sent us beautiful shrink wraps with Ukranian designs and each of the kids chose some of their dozen boiled eggs to wear the beautiful dress.  It killed me to use them because they were so beautiful and going to be destroyed so soon.  Then it was outside to the backyard for coloring the eggs.

 What a difference a year makes! This year the kids were all about coloring their eggs on their own with no input from me, and they turned out marvelously!  They stayed focused for more than 10 minutes even and I got to sit back and marvel and this lovely stage in their life.  I remember coloring eggs as a kid and being totally enthralled with each color and how deep I could set the dye.  With six kids in the family, Mom must have had at least 3 dozen eggs boiled, it strikes me that we only got 6 eggs each, which may have contributed to my intensity with each one.  My kiddos got to have a full dozen each and did a lot with them!  Yeah for spring weather too, so it could all be done outside without threat to my kitchen or carpets.  Although, they didn't spill any dye this year!  Miracles do happen each year.

 Sunday morning the Easter bunny had traded the eggs for a picture of the Risen Christ and left some Sunday lovely wear for the kiddos.  The kids were waking up before dawn to see if the Easter bunny had come to hide their eggs.  They were anticipating this Ressurection day more than they were Christmas!  I believe so much of it was because of our meaningful discussions during the week.

 We made the kiddos wait until he Sun did rise before they could hunt the eggs in the backyard.  The Easter Bunny knows now he is going to have to be a bit more cunning next year in the hiding places because the hunt was over fairly quickly.

 We had plenty of time before the 11am services to peel all the eggs and make them into the colorful and traditional creamed-eggs over toast.  I loved, again, how much different it was this year having the kids help and their recognition (remembering) which eggs they had painted and even lamented a bit having to peel them.  We made a lot of eggs that day.  Our fridge was full so we needed to eat all 3 dozen boiled eggs.  What we didn't eat for breakfast got added to the luncheon as Sundayed (not deviled, it didn't seem appropriate for Easter Sunday) Eggs and salad.  What a feast.  What a day.  What a reason to celebrate!

Probably the best part of this 2014 Easter Season was listening to the pure and simple faith and testimonies that my children have in the Risen Savior.  Each one, at various parts of our studies and discussion would declare unabashedly that they knew that He was the King and that He was their Savior.  He is risen and our Lord!  What a wonderful thing to learn from my Children.

Got Wisdom?

Recent thoughts and reflections have led me in discussions with great friends and family to the following resources which I feel have deepened my own personal wisdom.  In fact, it was in the conversation of asking how do I understand _____ better that answers from others have guided my own thoughts.  Perhaps I will have time in the near future to articulate all the thoughts, but for the time being, I find it wise to pass on the following:

The Journey by Brandon Bays
- recommended to me by my sister Jill. I have read through this book in three days very intrigued and embracing a whole new way to look at the connection of self, soul, and physicality.  Bays espouses a new version of healing in the mind-body healing process that resounds with my own philosophy that therapy is not just to bring up old issues, but to resolve them, learn from them and grow into a better sense of self.  She quotes the following from Marianne Wiliamson's book A Return to Love, which I read to Josh and he surprisedly said he had heard it, actually used it as a quote during his mission, cited wrongfully as from Nelson Mandella.  Williamson's book is on my 'to read' list:
     "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God.  Your playing small doesn't serve the world.  THere's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you.  We are meant to shine, as children do.  We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.  It's not just in some of us: it's in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
[side note: this quote is also found in the pinnacle moment of the movie Coach Carter with the omission of reference to God.  The movie is also on my to watch list; Josh had already seen it and says it is similar to "Stand and Deliver," one of my favorite genre of movies.  "Freedom Writers"is in that class, which I also recommend.]

Creating Innovators: The Making of Young People Who WIll Change the World by Tony Wagner
- Just recently published in 2012 as a report on the most innovative young Americans and where they came from.  Wagner studied kids and then went backwards through their history to figure out the commonalities.  He then boils down the threads to Play, Passion, and Purpose.  I love his repetitive triumverant of P.  His study also critiques modern education and suggests solutions and changes.  I have read the book for the purposes of guiding our own purpose in educating our children at home and through life.  It gives me hope for the future and for my children and faith in the greatness in each of us.

Teaching of the Presidents of the Church: Lorenzo Snow
-soon to be given to all adults in the LDS Church as the curriculum for auxiliory lessons, the next in succession of teachings of the Presidents.  My awesome friend Kristen, who will be teaching from this text, thus having taken an early sneak peak got me hooked right away.  Chapter 1 "Learning by Faith' is such a fantastic introduction to what promises to be a full year of learning from a fantastic learner.  His personal history is fascinating.  This from the first chapter struck me : A little spiritual knowledge is a great deal better than mere opinions and notions and ideas, or even very elaborate arguments; a little spiritual knowledge is very important and of the highest consideration.  Go to the LDS Church on Sunday and you can get a free copy to read, or you can peruse it online at http://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-of-presidents-of-the-church-lorenzo-snow?lang=eng

And for the shorter read: 
Reverence for God Is the Beginning of Wisdom by Elder Neil L. Anderson, Ensign Jan 2013
-Before becoming an apostle, Elder Anderson was an astute buisnessman.  His professional experience exudes in this article through his awareness of current trends and economic positions.  Happily for me, he is also a literary man and quotes T.S. Eliot along with Paul and Nephi.  With the specific word 'wisdom' in my personal pursuits I really appreciated Elder Anderson's definition of Godly wisdom, and wordly wisdom in both positive and negative connotations.  For me, the article is summarized in the following: Seek after this wisdom—be reflective, observe carefully, think about what you experience in life.  This article in conjunction with Bays' book clarified a lot for me personally regarding individual understanding and personal growth.

Amazing how much I can read and assimilate while still coming off of the research paper mode and having now assigned readings for a full month!  An inquisitive mind is such a gifts.  As are the silent moments of doing dishes in which all the glorious connections of thought and learning are melded into a personal wisdom and understanding.  

Book of Mormon 1.1

Friday morning as I was reading from the Book of Mormon with the kids Danny began getting up from the table and walking away.  I quickly asked him where he thought he was going.  To get a nice clean paper and the 'scripture markers.'  I assured him that today we didn't need to draw any pictures of what we were reading, it was mostly war stuff.  He cocked his head to the side in disappointment and earnestness and said "But Mom, I can't understand the scriptures if you don't draw a picture for me!"  I relented and added to our growing wall of age appropriate scripture art.  

It is no secret that early on in childhood development a lot of it is visual, so it made sense to try and make the words I was reading them from the Book of Mormon 'come to life.'  The challenge is the fact that right now we are smack in the middle of Alma so a lot of things are war.  I think the kids caught on that this section of the Book of Mormon is not like what we had been reading (early chapters of Alma are about more spiritual principles, which we had had much different talks about).  So I have been challenged by making this section applicable to them.  The pictures were pure inspiration (not the drawing aspect rather, the idea to use them).

Alma 48:11-12

 This was the first one - I really wanted the kids to understand why we point to Captain Moroni so often as a scripture hero.  Also, at the time, it just do happened that each of these qualities related to something each of the kids were struggling with at that time.  We spent a week just talking about the qualities we were going to develop so we could be "Like Unto Moroni."

Alma 48:17

During that week we also memorized this scripture.  The best part is when I was first reciting it with the kids and got to 'forever,' the all simultaneously repeated it back to me in 'Sandlot' terms .... For....eve....er....For...ev...er!  It stuck.  My next favorite part is when they say 'never' and shake out their arms  as if it really were an impossibility.  So fun.

Alma 43:19-21, Ephesians 6:10-18

We did some scripture cross-referencing when it came to how well Moroni prepared his armies with protections, versus the Lamanites who came naked (tehehe).  The kids then loved acting out how surprised and dumbfounded the Lamanites where to see Moroni's armies so well prepared.

Alma 50:1-16

I think I mentioned before how one morning we spent a lot of time discussing how many bad guys should be named and laid dead in the pit of our fortifications.  I thought that the most meaningful part of the lesson would be that we can build fortifications around our city (family represented by the kids=small houses and parents=skyscrapers, totally not what the Nephites lived in, again, age appropriate), but the kids thought the fact that you could kill people better from the safe part proves that they are 'saturday's warriors.'  The bad guy laying in the pit ended up being 'bad words' and the king who is leading the bad guys (just of page R) is 'Power Hungry' and the other two bad guys are 'greed' and 'selfish' trying to get into our city protected by good deeds and testimony and the prophet is the watchman on the tower.  

After this, the kids got used to the pictures (as mentioned by Danny) so it became rather creatively spiritual to find something in the versus they were now so keen on understanding have some application.  It is war time and Amilikiah is still coming-  side joke: When I read the scripture when Amilikiah swears an oath to drink Moroni's blood Faith paused me and said "Amilikiah must be a mosquito."  I smiled.  Before I could get a response in, Viv piped in "No, he is not a mosquito, he is a vampire."  Again, before I could get in the question as to where she had even learned about vampires, Danny added his comic tow bits "No, his is a Mosquito Vampire!"  At that point, what do you answer?  "Maybe.  At any rate, I think he made a really silly oath, don't you?"

Alma 51:1-16

There are some perhaps non-Church sanctioned interpretations of what is going on during the battle, but it was really neat to witness how this section of the Book of Mormon could be applicable to our station in life and what we struggle with as a very young family.  As Moroni is struggling with the Kingmen causing contention within we had a great conversation about how contention inside our safe home makes it harder for us to fight the bad influences from out.  In this version Josh/Daddy gets to be Captain Moroni and I am Chief Judge Pahoran.

Alma 54&55

This lesson I thought was one of my weaker ones, but it must have been guided by the Holy Spirit for it seems to be most memorable to the kids right now - rather that reacting and getting more and more upset because of 'firey words' we can chose the 'What if..." and no people will get hurt.

I had to draw a lot out of this 'strategy' part of the war stories, and yet again was surprised by how things turned out.  I would never have thought going into Alma chapter 32 that such a truly personal lesson for each of my 4 & 5 years olds could come from it - again, higher purpose here.  As we did all the movements around of Moroni's strategy to get the city of Mulek and we came up with our family definition of what strategy is "using your brain to make a plan with the best choices" and it's antithesis displayed by Captain Jacob of the Lamanites "Fury, using your anger to guide your choices."  So we mapped out our life strategy.  I drew mine and the kids put together what they thought was best for theirs (with some parental guidance, certainly).  I love the daily reference to the choices that they will make for their future.

Faith was the one that pointed out that she needed to be baptized when she turned 8 years old.  I hadn't put that in my life strategy so it was purely a choice that she has already made in her little soul.

Viv added in her life strategy herself and her brother and sister and pointed out that while she was in our house it was her choice to always get along and play nice and love her brother and sister.  She also said that we need to keep visiting the temple.

Danny was most intent on drawing himself at the beginning and then trying to catch up with what the girls had already drawn.  He was really excited that he would be a missionary at 18 now since the prophet said he could go then.  I was impressed that even though he was drawing a few of the details in a little slower, the ones he put in were impressive (his spelling of college as 'colliegl' was his own as well as adding two people getting married in the temple).

This has been such a wonderfully fun journey to have with my kids in the morning. I have been afraid for them in this increasingly wicked world (not all bad but certainly a lot more pervasive immoral stuff) and just haven't know how to direct their paths.  I just started having morning scripture study because it is one of the basic instructions of the Church.  I wouldn't have dreamt that just a few months down the road of starting this habit I would feel so more reassured about my childrens' moral footing.  I know that if we keep reading the scriptures in the morning and just letting the Spirit guide our discussions, what is most important will be discussed.  I'm not saying that every day is stellar, just this morning I barely kept their focus beyond a few verses (they were focused on the left-over birthday cake, I hate the lure of sweets, its breakfast for crying out loud!) but we keep the faith and the fortitude, which amounts to some pretty awesome stuff, even for pre-schoolers.

Creating Innovators or Monsters?

My recent self-smarted myself read has been "Creating Innovators" by Tony Wagner.  Shown here:

 It is pretty amazing.  It helps me remember why I choose to by the kind of parent that I am.  Especially on days like today:

For morning scripture study we spent most of the time discussing just how many dead Lamanites should be drawn in our diagram pit and what they represent rather than time spent reading more than 19 verses.  Yet, they know that we are currently in a spiritual war and that when reading the scriptures we can directly apply them to ourselves.

Despite being asked to fulfill their morning routine and tidy up their room - the children concoted a fancy way of making a 'trap' for anyone that walked into their play room door.  It involves ropes, blankets, stools and pillows - all of which by my standard ought to have been put away first thing.  But, they know today's timeline and when the room has to be cleaned by in order to earn the privelage of swim lessons tonight (all extra-curricular activities that we pay for are earned by compliance currency). And the stuff is still contained in their room (the boundary of my sanity and their creativity).

Durning lunch I listened to a stream of gobbledy-gook that was then translated as three children created their own languages and then translated them for me and each other.  Rather than stifling the nonsense I thought to myself "this may well have been the way that J.R. Tolkien created The Lord of The Rings elvin language. "

At dinner last night while they were doing their Daddy daily review (telling Dad what they learned so Mom can discern if they are actually learning anything), the first thing from their mouth was "i is a scaredy-cat letter."  "yeah, so is u."  With a baffled look Josh looked to me and I shrugged and nodded approval, it is true, they are letters that we never use at the end of an English word because they are scared to be at the end of the line of words.  They learned it, not quite so good as the main part of the lesson which was the vowel teams, but they got something.

So, wether they are innovators, or just crazy monsters that run around my house speaking gobbledy-gook and setting traps, I have a feeling that what I am doing now is the most important work I will do.  Despite having my doubts as to wether or not they will remember a lick of this time in their life (I don't have many memories prior to grade school), I am building the confidence and security that will carry into the rest of their memories.  After all, they are all intently creating phonetically sounded out notes to me that say "U RR the Best Momi. Luv."

My kids are AWESOME!

Time to open the totes -

before someone crashes my creative party!

Right now is one of those moments where I wish I was isolated in the world for the next 24 hours with just myself and this one train of thought.  I want to create this book!  In my head it is a masterpiece, or at least very interesting to me (and as publication would have it, there are several thousand others out there that have similar tastes as me).

You see, I have held on to all my personal journals since I started keeping one in the 3rd grade.  I was a very avid journal keeper - probably mostly for moments like these where the thoughts before bedtime behind burning eyes were dancing a furious jig.  When single - in my own room- in my own bed- governing my own time schedule - I could snatch pen and paper and extract those little dancing delights (or demons) from my head and let them live on the paper.

It must be a party in my basement.  All those journals with all those baby thoughts and pre-adolescent thoughts annoying and jamming around those teenage and college years.  Yep, I stopped the journal writing somewhere close to the time that I got married (lights out is determined as a collective).

But here is the genius - I have even gone so far as purchasing some of the material within the last year, for 'family history' purposes - to add to those prefunctory words the visual representation and a later perspective.  In short, I digitize my journals, slaps some authentic photos of yours truly with them (to represent the true akwardness of life as a young one) and then put in my NOW thoughts.  It is a journal about a journal-ish!

Ah, sure, it has been done before.  But won't it be fun to do the creating with reality from my own life?!  I dream bestseller.  I am content with thinking printed.  I think, ....I think I have enough motivation for it now.  I think,....I think it could pass for my master's thesis.  Depends.  But hey, what a gift to me this Christmas to actual start out this book that I have been thinking of for so many years?  I can print it for me as a gift from Josh ;).

Truth - this is just the easies manuscript for me to start with of the at least 4 solid ones that I keep throwing around in my noggin.  If I can just reproduce the creative part of me from before then I will have a framework for at least two others of the major thought books.

Well, it has been bliss to think of it now for a few minutes as the thought offsrping of uninterrupted homework ----ARGH!! There is Josh with his key at the door.  I tell you, these times slip way too fast out of my fingers, head, future......

Reading Review: Caleb's Crossing

Caleb's Crossing by Geraldine Brooks was one of those books that made it into my pile because the author's name was accompanied by "winner of the Pulitzer Prize." Mind you, Brooks did not win the Pulitzer for Caleb's Crossing, but I could gather that she is a good author. Strangely I tend to pick the book next to the Pulitzer by the same author just to see if they can keep it up.

Also, Caleb's Crossing, according to the jacket flap, "takes a shard of little-known history and brings it vividly to life." It was much more accurate to read the author's afterword in which she admits "Caleb's Crossing is inspired by a true story. It is, however, a work of imagination... the history, insofar as it is documented [is] the slender scaffolding on which I have rested my imaginative edifice."

In truth, initially, I felt that the imagination part was getting the better of what could be a compelling setting. For the first few chapters as Brooks introduces Bethia, the young girl that is acquainted with the historically based Caleb, who I felt was altogether a one-dimensional girl who is merely there to drum up the romantic interest in Caleb. I kept reading because I did sense that Brooks had done a great deal of historical history into the era and was writing from the diary point of Bethia true to the jargon of the time, which, in itself, is a great feat. Gladly, the more I read and the more Bethia is revealed as a deeper persona the book gained a bit more weight. I was happy to find out that the perceived girlish romantic notions surrounding Caleb were not pursued.

More surprisingly, the more the story develops, the more interesting the underlying themes became. The historical era of the 1660's, prior to American independence but during the infantile settlement era, was something I had not really thought much of. It is well known that pilgrims for England came to America pursuing religious freedom. What is less explored is the zealous pursuit of 'Christianizing' the savages that in turn makes those pilgrims no less than their English persecutioners.

The theme of Caleb 'crossing' from heathen American Indian traditions to 'true' Christian principles is certainly bitter. Brooks paints the 'conversion' of Caleb as more intellectual, based on survival more so than spirituality. The conversations between a free and open young Caleb and prudently prepared young Bethia change and turn as both characters mature and their views on religious rigidity surrender. Their exchanges on 'truth' and culture sparked a familiar theme in debates of current religious groups - does truth dictate the religious culture or does the culture surrounding religion shape the truth?

Although not a breathless page turner, Caleb's Crossing was a compelling story with lifelike characters in a very realistic historical time. It does leave one wondering what the real Caleb may have been like. More so, I feel more compelled to look at 'conversion ' and 'religious culture' in a more sympathetic light.

Personal Afterword: Caleb's Crossing particularly sparked some critical thoughts in conjunction with an article written in the Ensign titled "The Gospel Culture." The similar themes of perceptions of both religious groups and good/bad cultural practices paralleled the story strikingly.

Reading Review: The Tenant of Wildfell Hall

I ought to read a great deal more. Thank heavens for the doldrums of 'that waiting place' which have granted me a bit more leisure to revisit the world of literature. Sadly, the majority of my personal library is all packed. Gladly, libraries nearby are all well stocked with books. It is miraculous that just by browsing down one isle I could find such flavorful tales that have kept me intrigued and thoughtful. Even better, it has supplied my little family with a bit more a flamboyant vocabulary.

I am always drawn to the Victorian period of British Literature. I love the poise of writing and yet the poignant commentary on civilization at the time. I am furthermore drawn to Victorian literature because of the burgeoning female writers. Burgeoning no - much more overpowering authors of the time. Such masterful writers as the three Bronte sisters are enough to conquer a large part of the whole classification. Of the three Bronte sisters, Anne is much overlooked.

Even young I was enthralled with Emily's Wuthering Heights and its engrossing drama. Just a bit older and I obsessed over Charlotte's Jane Eyre and the overarching battle of morality. The more perfect marriage of the two themes and more masterful of styles is found in Anne's The Tenant of Wildfell Hall.

I won't say much to the plot for fear of destroying any bit of the suspense that Anne builds with a telling of a story, bringing it to that heightened precipice of excitement and then she throws you headlong into the fore-story that likewise builds and builds nigh upon bursting when you finally get to a point of convergence and you start building all again. Reaching three climactic points in one story is epic! The characters were beautifully drawn and it would be a pity to see any rendition of a movie before (or after) reading the novel. Each character is so illuminated by their virtues. With the strict governance of the society in which the characters live you are even more keenly aware of each of their passions and perils.

The more intriguing side note of Anne's writing is that she published under a male pseudonym. The Tenant of Wildfell Hall is written primarily from a male's voice. The peer critique for the novel was continually clouded by the uncertainty if it was proper for a man to reveal so much of the 'gentleman's club' or the impropriety of a woman to assume a male voice to illuminate purported evils within. Oh, the intrigue.

Obviously a 5 star novel in my opinion.

Genesis

Genesis: the origin or mode of formation of something

How's that for a broad definition of something so very essential in aspects of religion, creation, belief, science, and modernity. Supposedly all the above listed are 'something' in the basic sense of the word. However, Webster fails to contribute much to the emotive power of genesis and therefore the reason why it has been stitching a thread of thought in and around my heart, trying to connect it to my soul and mind.

May I begin with the first instance that 'genesis' came to mind. While sitting in an adult only meeting at church with a visiting Priesthood authority, the good brother brought up epistemology and genesis of each individuals personal beliefs in religion and Christ. It was unusual to hear in Church someone to so academically ask each of us to discover the roots of why we believe and treat it as a science, a theology, a fact is proofed within our lives.

The second encounter which related relevance to 'genesis' was a casual meeting at the park. I took the kids to our regular park between gymnastic classes. The small community park is generally vacant and quiet giving me a wide open space for the kids to play and for me to relax my critical eyes. This past week a very nice man arrived accompanying his daughter. He was extremely amiable and conversational. I was struck by the ease of his speech about Christianity. Through the course of our discussion it became clear that his background as a preacher's son and a personal evangelical was directing the conversation. I listened patiently, recognizing that he had no intention to actually discuss religion equally but rather to tell me what he believed. The colloquial lead into a deeper discussion of denominational religions was "You know, I find it interesting that we are each taught, brought up, to believe that our religion is the truth when none of us can really know if it is." The twist was 'really' and I let him digress into what evidences he had of either similarities or differences in biblical discussions. Although I followed his line of thought while admiring his tactics (a year and a half as a proselyting missionary makes one very familiar with common hot points) I was half distracted by his lead. I disagreed full heartedly with the foundation of his argument. Politely, I didn't say anything to directly oppose what he was saying, it was clear he was a trained bible basher and had no intention of being open minded even while being conversational, until the end of our time together. I was irritated to the point of mentioning that although he might feel that there was no significant difference between denominational religion and their approaches to all truth since 'we're all saved in the grace of Christ' there were. I invited him to investigate more so by reading the Book of Mormon. At that moment I really wished I had been more prepared with a copy to give him myself, more so to see his politely shocked response in reception than in conviction that he would actually try and read it. However, I never did fully rebuttal the initial statement; 'we are all taught to believe...." That felt hollow and faulty - a disastrous assumption and an attack upon the genesis of personal testimony in Christ.

Most currently I have been reading Putting Away Childish Things by Marcus J. Borg which has again addressed Genesis. Borg is a contemporary religious non-fiction writer who stepped out to discovery the medium of fiction. With his obvious research background he creates a very thought provoking story line that carry characters who are exploring the genesis of belief in Christ even through the discussion of Genesis, the first book in the bible. In Chapter 14 Kate, a religious theology professor at a small college opens a discussion to her students with the following question "How many of you think Adam and Eve were real people?"

(best family friendly 'Adam and Eve' image available on the internet)

The lively discussion between the students in her class highlight many meanings of belief, truth, fact, and scripture. It is fantastically well written and I can't help but interject my own comments to the class unfolding in my mind. How very invigorating to have a room full of bright students with faithful convictions looking critically and respectfully at two great 'historical' figures as Adam and Eve. Kate, a stellar and passionate teacher, defines the different nuances of the terms fact, truth, and myth. Ah! My favorite thing, to look at a word and really understand what you are saying instead of just hearing. So, is Adam and Eve's story, or existence fact, truth or myth. Maybe none. Maybe some. Possibly all three.

After my fictional class was up I couldn't help but return to the beginning of all these thoughts about genesis. Where does it all begin, or more fittingly, where does it all belong. Epistemology, the theory of knowledge, investigates the validity of a belief. Most of us are scientifically trained in proof to truth. Scientific evidence, that which is visible or measurable, denotes truth in our modern minds. Where science and faith collide in a postmodern ideal is in the proof. Faith is measurable but not visible, so is it provable? Can I convince anyone that what I know in my heart is more correct that what the know in theirs?

Ha. Conversion is a tricky one. A personal testimony is attainable but not transferable. I might propose several valid arguments or methods to my belief and you may not believe me. I can tell you I do know and you can argue that inexhaustibly. You cannot tell me that I don't believe. The origin of what I know is real. The proof I have of my faith is infallible. The genesis of my testimony in Christ are marked and deliberate. I know oh so many things are true in my soul, in my heart, in my mind and my life that may not hold up to the scrutiny of postmodern science, and yet, they can not be shaken by that same skeptical force. My conversion began early and has grown and grown layering evidence upon evidence of the solid foundation upon which it has been laid. Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world. The Bible is true - factual even to the degree upon which it is translated for our best understanding. The Book of Mormon is true and translated through the power of God. God has power and He manifests it on earth. My life has a direct path and purpose. Every person on this Earth is a Child of God. I know these truths and many others and have proof enough to withstand the staunchest argument. Although, we needn't argue, it is easier to just be believing.

Good book, yes, must read

I am one of those people that prefers to read non-fiction. Thus my book reviews seem rather boring. No cavalier love stories or crazy action flicks, mostly just really good researched material that makes an excellent point. IN that vein, I loved my 'monthly theme' book this month.

As part of my Happiness Project, this month I have been working on stepping up to me own base, climbing my personal pedestal, and getting on top of my own world. Briefly; being my best self (flash back junior miss). Shawn Achor has made both a professional study of the advantage that companies the gain but one simple change, happiness. He has also applied the principles he deduced from his vast study to hisself. Brilliant.

I loved, loved the cumulative research that this book presents. Back to the basis of Pavlov's dog to crazy phsychology studies that uses the ever poor and vunerable college student as their guinea pig. Each artfully supported his 7 principles to gain an advantage using happiness that are SPECIFIC, ACTIONABLE, and PROVEN.

1- the Happiness Advantage; positive brains are biologically wired to capatilize on pasitivity to improve productivity and peformance. (I will refrain from commenting further on each of these points cuz each one is even more of a WOW then the next)

2-The Fulcrum and the Lever (not the most accessible title admitedly but he principle works): our experience and ability to adapt within the world is largely based on our mindset and how we manipulate it personally to the most powerful advantage.

3- The Tetris Effect (funniest examples in this one): when our brains are stuck in a pattern, it can make us or break us. Good news is we can retrain those patterns, with concious efforts and little goals, to spot patterns of possibility. This is super awesome actionable.

4- Falling Up: Ever heard of post traumatic stress syndrome? They have found that there is a more powerful side road, post traumatic growth syndrome. Really. In any situation of stress, defeat, or crisis, our brains will map out multiple coping strategies, if we can learn to find the road (already mapped mind you) that is happier we are actually way stronger and resilient.

5- The Zorro Circle (my personal favorite never mind the allusions to Antonio Banderas): when overwhelmed or brains literally hijack themselves. we have to stop that and find small areas in which we can succeed and control, master that, then make our circle bigger.

6-20 Second Rule: this is the habit retraining station. our willpower is limited (finally I have evidence that when I say 'I'm at my limit' I really do mean it). We can make energy adjustments to minimize reaching the limit and maximize positive changes we want to make.

7- Social Investment (the MEAT): the greatest predictors of success and excellence is our social support network. Make conscious investments.

That was an oh so brief synopsis of the book. Achor uses just enough of a personal voice to make the research both credible and applicable. Well written. Super true. Must Read.

Garage Sale book review

I just finished "My Sister's Keeper" by Jodie Picoult.

Honestly, a well written book. Most people have heard of the movie, and I think I saw parts of it once as well. The movie may have been better in only one aspect - language and sexual content. Otherwise, I am certain the book tops it. There was nothing graphic in the book, which was nice. Whereas I try not to use potty language myself that is the only reason it is striking to read it sometimes. Just didn't want to give a high recommendation out without a fair warning for very particular readers.

I loved the hypothetical situation of this book - genetically creating a sibling to help one with cancer. This has not been done, yet, to my knowledge but I don't think it is too far off. The main struggle in this family is not, necessarily, the court struggle of medical emancipation, but how each of the people and how they deal with decision making. Picoult narrates the 7 days leading from filing the petition to actual court day closing through the first person of 7 different people. It is a unique way to stay present time while utilizing the personal thoughts of each person in the situation that tie into past memories. That also meant taking on the voice of age ranges from 13 to 54, and it was well done at that. Each character was strong and realistic. There was only a little stretch of relationship reality with two of the characters that probably would not of factored in naturally, but it did play out as enticing to follow despite it's unbelievable quality (gotta have some romantic drama sometimes).

Because the plot was compelled forward in such a short time frame by so many voices it really pulls you through the book rapidly. I appreciated the research done by Picoult to really bring truth to the story, she has to be quite the jack of several trades in this one: arsonist, firefighter, oncologist, attorney, guardian at litem, astronomer, yacht sailor. Enough little facts to make you feel as though you were learning something at the same time as being well entertained. And, as a bit of a cherry on top, she artfully introduces each day/chapter with an excerpt from classic poetry or literature. Well done.

A good find for a garage sale book of $.50. I probably won't keep it in my house, not that classical, so, if you want it, you can have a good read too.

A Review

I just (as in minutes) finished a fantastic book "Ask Me Why I Hurt" by Randy Christensen, MD with Rene Denfeld.

It has been awhile since I read anything but a script and am actually very picky about my reads. I am oh so glad that this new release, last minute placed on the pile book was every more than I expected. The story - A pediatrician in the Phoenix area starts up a mobile health clinic to treat un-insured homeless kids.

I was surprised to read on the jacket, after I had checked the book from the library, that the story was set here. I was not surprised by the stories, and that surprised me. Homeless kids - abused, beaten, neglected- are abundant. One courageous man took on the challenge of helping them. Helping traumatized children is no small task. I've had a little taste of it myself.

The book did not shock me only for the fact that we have been rather closer to the setting, and not just geographically, than ever before. Not even just the abused and neglectful part of the dirty children, for you see like Dr. Randy you look past that with a little hope that your helplessness in the face of their past and dismal future might be worth it. Constantly dragging your fingernails into the fading hope that somehow the heart and heartache you are putting into these little people is for a good purpose.

The review, mostly, is what I have learned in our last 7 months as foster parents. As the behavioral specialist said recently (an emergency intervention for us to keep us from throwing in the towel), "Foster parenting is not for Sissies." You make one initial choice - in or out - and then cling to it for your answer will haunt you and hunt you from there on out. Yet, I have learned, you can modify with peace based in knowledge.

Current modifications based on our six month review:

1-We will (probably) continue to be foster parents, but with in more reasonable reason. Key hint (which we have learned now): it is best to parent foster children that are at least two years younger than your biological children, if you have them. We had thought that by at least keeping Faith as the oldest we would be securing our children somewhat. The greatest danger is actually for the parent mind - chronological comparisson. Traumitized children are always, ALWAYS, emotionally delayed. The more normal norm is that their emotional age is about half of their real age. Understanding that when you are out of the moment is fine, but when you see a 3 year old throwing a massive and uncontrollable fit and you have a two year old that is much better in control you think "WHAT THE?! they are 3! This is not acceptable!" Well...it is....and it is difficult.

2-Wait. Although it is nice for Viv to have siblings her age, it is great for any kid to have siblings their age, it is not great to explain to a four year old in the throngs of 'That isn't fair!' syndrome, which comes very very naturally in that stage of development that Mommy is not being more harsh with you, your sister is just....um....different. Also, as has been more recognizable as we move along, you never know what baggage you are bringing in your house with each kid. It is scary to have your precious angels that you have kept safe from birth now sleeping in the same room without accountability and who knows what sort of a past sleeping on the bottom bunk. It scares us a lot. Which has thrown me into 'heightened parenting' mode. I am never out of ear shot of my kids. I always have to know were Viv is, not just for her saftey, but for the safety of my son and my daughter. She is a darling and wonderful and cute littler girl. But she was taught a whole lot different from birth. So, wait. Wait until your own precious ones can understand their environment and be strong enough to resist whatever unknown evil we have brought in the home to help, to heal, to soothe.

3-Once you're in, then you'll learn. I don't like to be discouraging about foster care, heaven knows the world needs more parents to help these kids, but you can always think yourself wonderful and charitable until you are in the thick of it and you realize you are less than what you had hoped you were and your capability to heal is more akin to a Disney print bandaid on an arterial wound. Bandaid is better than nothing. Growing as a person is good too.

Just as Dr. Randy concludes, over a lot of time, you see some hope, some good results and you think, sure, I did okay, but it takes the review to get the perspective. And a good intensive read. Good book. Good review. Back to Parenting 505.