Not to be forgotten - October and November

Fast recap of what transpired in the family through October and November:As a family, and yes, that very much includes the cats, we watched the General Conference Broadcast at home.  I suppose it is not true to say the full family because Josh could not join us on Saturday as he is always working.  But, Sunday he did.  We kicked up our feet and enjoyed snuggling and working quietly while listening.  The kids are becoming wonderful note takers and probably go more out of the talks than I did (I was a bit snoozy).

Viv turned 7 on October 16th.  We often wonder if her biological age is about a decade behind her attitude.  She absolutely loves fashion and was pleased to receive more frills and sparkles to put together (and yes, she just puts together her favorite without regard to matching which is surprising considering her over-conscious regard for social acceptance).  She certainly is a force to be reckoned with, and is learning how to reckon with herself.  She is a proficient reader and can do anything she sets her mind to, it is the setting the mind part that is still in progress.

 Josh and I celebrated our 9th Anniversary on October 27th.  Having Josh by my side for all these many years is my favorite constant.  I couldn't ask for a more devoted and progressive man.  He got me this lovely hat and a praying mantis broach. Josh was a bit worried about the animalistic connection of how the female mantis bites the head off her mate after they copulate.  I figure that (1) my mouth is not that big and (2) it would have to be some experience for me to loose that kind of self-control.  All in all, Josh doesn't have to worry about me literally biting his head off, and I think that over the years I have become a better wife and 'bite-his-head-off' a little less figuratively.

Everyone in our house is currently obsessed with Harry Potter, so it was a sure bet for Halloween to go the Hogwarts road to costuming.  An etsy friend supplied the scarves and I broke down and bought a new sewing machine to finish out the cloaks (it should not take hours to sew a basic polyester straight stitch and that is when I knew that Grandma's machine and I were going to have to part ways).  With his blonde hair, Danny was Draco Malfoy, Faith naturally was Hermione Granger, and Viv was Nymphadora Tonks.  I resurrected my annual witches cloak and went as Minerva McGonagall circa Tom Riddle's era and Josh was Professor Snape for trick-or-treating.  The kids are still running around the house with their wands practicing various spells and hexes.  Luckily they are Muggle born and their magical skills are not so strong even if Faith is determined she will see her letter from Hogwarts (or the American Wizarding school equivalent) when she turns 11 years old.  

 We are currently finishing out book 4 in the series.  I made the cloaks extra long so they could be used again next year, when it is likely we are just finishing out book 7.

 I was not actually with the family on Halloween - first time ever - so Josh took the kids trick or treating.  I was attending an academic conference at MSU.  I am nearing the end of my Master's degree and scoping out schools for doctoral work.  I traveled with a couple of professors for the first ever Cultural Rhetorics Conference.  The conference was groundbreaking and the sushi place we ate at was amazing!

 Halloween crept up on us rather fast.  We were in the throws of school and buying a new home (we closed on our home two days before Thanksgiving).  I decided that I was tired of inviting guests over having had some ingracious ones in the past, but I was not tired of making the food.  I love cooking a big meal, bummer we don't have many people to share it with.  Ah well, I was emotional drained and the weather change was tickling the fibromyalgia.  We got a turkey roaster many  years ago and it makes AMAZINGLY MOIST bird.  Totally worth the left overs.  We brined it this year, which I loved, the rest thought it a bit too salty in pockets.  

Grandma Ruby's rolls and rainbow Jello are traditional must.

Jill helped out with the side dishes.  The spread was amazing!  The leftovers lingered well into December, which was wonderful since my pension for cooking was waning.    The remedy for not wanting to cook in December, however was the German Aubendbrot tradition.  We fit in three fabulous, company filled Sunday feasts preceding Christmas and filled the fridge with wonderful leftovers.  We invited my good friends from a family history writing course on the 7th, the Gregory and Coudron family on the 14th, and finished strong with the Routsong family on the 21st.  

 Although we do look forward to the food, the tradition of singing carols of the Season and reading from the scriptural accounts of Jesus' birth are what really hold the Holidays together for me. I am so grateful for good parents who established patterns that have helped me, and now my family (and a couple of regular annual guests) look forward to celebrating the birth of our Savior.  Traditions absolutely help me maintain some of the joy of the season for our family despite my own personal health.  It is good to just do what you have always done and be blessed by it every year.  It has also made all my kids wonderful singers who know the words to great anthems of the Messiah's coming!

Autumn comes with the traditional

There are certain events that indicate Fall in Indiana for our family, and it seems they all came and passed this month.  We had Grammie visiting for the welcoming festivities of fall: apple picking.  Our friend's tree that we pillaged for fee last year was on an off year so we had to go to a 'commercial' local apple orchard to pick.  The name of this orchard gave us many laughs: "Tree Technology."  Yep, that's new technology - getting small kids with baskets on a stick to pick apples.Josh, the kids, Grammie and Aunt Jill picked 5 bushels of apples that we processed within that week to have plenty of applesauce and apple pie slices all through the winter.  The kids are always involved with smooshing the apples through the Victorio Strainer or twisting the peeler/corer/slicer, which makes the process move swiftly.

When the apples are on, we also know it is time to honor the man who gave us all this lovely harvest: Johnny Appleseed.  Fort Wayne claims the burial of Johnny.  We have a gravesite, although I am not certain, with many other claimants on to Johnny's burial, if the site is not just a relic containing maybe teeth or other random bones.  Ether way, all the community gathers for the fantastic festival in his park and celebrate the handiwork of many who still create without technology (ha, tree technology orchard).  Each year we heard the kids past the vendors to the settler's area and learn some new skills.  This year's skills were:  clay wheel pottery, woodworking (mostly for Josh who still dreams that he will have a wood shop some day), wood carving, copper smithing, and tinkering. 

This fella gave the kids a bit of a science lesson by carving back the stick and then pulling out the worms that were the cause of the great maple to fall.  Josh admired the lacquering.

Because it was the very end of the day the tinkers let the kids play with all sorts of machines and gave them lots of tin trinkets to play with.  They gave the kids a math lesson as to why you need to know geomotrey. 

 Another fall time favorite - the annual Fort4Fit race.  This year we worked with the kids through the end of the summer to run 25 miles, all building up to the Kids Marathon for Fort4Fit.  The kids had gotten the racing bug when we did the Spartan Race in the spring and were mostly willing to do the training.  We were amazed by how well they did on the actual race night!  With Jill, we had one adult per child to run with the kids during the mile long course.  Viv ran hard with Jill, Faith stayed consistent and long strided with her dad, and I ran with Danny.  I was most impressed with Danny.  Throughout the summer he was the least enthused about continuous running; often stopping with side aches.  However, for the race, Danny kept a steady jog the whole time.  We talked about Captain America, of course, to pass the second half mile and he made it the whole way without walking!  All three were so happy to have their medals!  It is so nice to have this family friendly race so close to our home, it is really too easy to do I would be ashamed if we had not involved the kids in their own race.

Start time was 7:30am this year instead of 8am.

The next morning I woke up and walked up to the race start for the 10K race.  Some friends joined me for the start.  To my happy surprise, Jill rode her bike up and became my support through the whole race.  I certainly wasn't in my favored shape for the race, but I made some goals and kept them, only missing my goal finish by one minute (should have followed Jill's advice and had faster turnover the last half mile rather than trying to lengthen my stride, lesson learned).

Josh and the kids made it up for the finish so they could steal my post-race snacks and then go to the library.  It is a fun race because it ends in the Parkview baseball stadium and they have the racers on the jumbo-tron and announce their names so the family can be more participatory in the end.

A new fall tradition for us, thanks to Jill, will be going to a college football game.  We are still learning to enjoy the event, so it was super nice to head over to a small university in town, St. Francis, and watch our good friend and old babysitter Jason "Big Guy" Gardner play as defensive center.  Danny was intent not he game.  Faith brought a book, which suits her personality after watching some of the game she was happy to read.  Viv spent most of her time watching the cheerleaders evidently to figure outs why they had blue and black pom-poms (which she finally figured out about the 3rd quarter and announced to the rest of of that it was to match the team colors on the football uniforms).  It was a very good thing to broaden the horizons of the kids to some of the best parts of fall sporting events.  Jill and I also took them to watch IPFW men and women's soccer.

Life lessons from Burlington to the Book of Mormon

During our  verse-intense scripture study yesterday morning at breakfast we read "And it came to pass that the Lord said unto me; If they have not charity it mattereth not unto thee, thou has been faithful;...(Ether 12:37)"

As I stopped to define all the 'they's and 'thee's Viv paused as if making a deep connection.  This was my secret hope, that our 'mamacita' would recognize that it is a Godly principle to mind your own business.

After a longer than usual pause between breakfast bites she blurts our "Yesterday a lady at Burlington coat factory was not using charity to a grandma."  Yes, she was right.  We had unfortunately been in the kids shoe section when a very unfortunate woman decided to take out some of her agression on an innocent old lady that brushed up against her cart.  It was a very disturbing incident.  I had felt horrible all evening long just recalling what had happened, lamenting that not only the kids were in ear shot, but that I didn't think there was anything I could do but wished badly I could have changed something.

Scenario: A late 20s woman with a large cart containing a child pushes into a shoe aisle.  An older lady, later self-identified as 65, tries to exit the same aisle and bumps the cart since it is a tight fit.  Angry 20something blurts extremely loud "Whoa, you could have at least said excuse me or something!!" acting terribly injured.  The undetermined response must have been apologetic in nature for it was in a low tone and non affronting.  20something retorts "You could have done something instead of just barging past.  You touched my child!! And you don't just touch people's kids without asking!" Another quiet response in which she excused herself with a bit more of defense presumably.  The loud response was "well you need to learn how to respect people and not walk around like you own thing!!" or other likewise rude statement to which the older lady finally loses patience and retaliates "I am 65 years old you little brat! I could be your grandmother!"  I felt the same.  20something was being a complete brat.  Then 20something fumes back "Oh yeah, well you are a B**** !You lucky my gran ain't here because she would ....." At which point gratefully I had found the shoes needed with the kids and started walking away from the shoe section trying to explain to the children what an unfortunate and disrespectful interlude we had overheard. All the while still hearing 20something's declarations of perceived injustice.  

The incident did not sit well with me all evening.  Hearing such rude things and not being able to do much about it makes my heart hurt.  And apparently it affects the little people more than we understand.  The next morning, after ample evening distractions and a full night of sleep Viv recounted "That grandma called the lady a brat and that wasn't nice either. That isn't showing charity."  No, it wasn't we tried to explain, grateful in some sorts for having something real life to relate the scriptures to.  In the middle of our parental wisdom Viv bursts, "And then the lady called the grandma a B****"  Yes she did.  How unfortunate.  How did that make you feel when you heard those words? "Very sad."  So you wouldn't want to be like either of those women and create a situation where you using those words would make anyone else very sad, including your parents. "No."  We can't change what other people do, but we are affected by their choices.  That is why the Lord wants us to focus on what we are doing, to know for ourselves that we have "been faithful" in using charity the best we can.

The lesson ended with the allotted time passing and we had to get off to school.  My heart hurt again for a bit.  I don't think I could have done anything to be a positive example in that situation at Burlington for my children to see.  Although I desperately wanted to step in and defend the 65 year old woman, or at least apologize for 20something, the demeanor of 20something would have just made it more negative and there is a bit to self preservation. I was hurt just overhearing her mean words, being in the middle would have been worse and I would have lost my cool.  So all my kids heard was their conversation and their mother's dismissive comments about rude and uncharitable treatment of others in the shoe aisle.

This morning, as we reviewed the first part of verse 37 from the previous day and moved onto the rest, I felt like Moroni maybe hit the feeling spot on, although a bit haughty:
"(Lord speaking still) wherefore, they garments shall be made clean. And because thou hast seen thy weakness thou shalt be made strong, even unto the sitting down int he place which I have prepared in the mansions of my Father." The kids immediately pointed to our drawing on the wall which we have been relating to since the first of this chapter in Ether-

note that there is a seat on the right hand of God for the believers.  As we read in this part of Ether that another qualifications to fill that seat is to demonstrate charity and also have been washed clean through the Savior's atonement.  

Moroni continues his thoughts in verse 38: "And now I, Moroni, bid farewell unto the Gentiles, yea and also unto my brethren whom I love, until we shall meet before the judgement-seat of Christ, where all men shall know that my garments are not spotted with your blood."

There it was, Moroni felt it, I feel it sometimes too.  I can't be responsible for all those nasty people in the world, I just have to focus on myself and the kids.  But it does sound a little haughty don't you think that Moroni professes he will be there looking back on everyone else, with a tinge of self-righteous omnipotence knowing he is clean?  Granted he is a prophet and running away from all the bad guys on the planet who want to kill him at every minute (this is Moroni's second good-bye speech in the Book of Mormon, and not his last).  But, the picture I get feels really self-justifying; perhaps because I am putting myself in Moroni's spot and looking back at 20something.  

(obviously I have not got the whole charity thing down quite right yet)

A birthday in question: when parenting makes an otherwise festive occasion really forced

Viv's birthday is October 16th.  Having been born in 2007 she was on schedule to celebrate her 6th year of life.  Birthday celebrations are to mark the passing of age and growth into new stages in life.  And this year, we found out how negotiable birthdays can be.

The introduction of birthday celebrations in our family with Viv made a dramatic shift.  When we celebrated her 4th birthday we fast realized that the whole idea of 'my special day' was going to have to be eradicated from the family dialogue.  No more of the queen for the day if they are going to be a regular tyrant!  We also learned that gifts were going to have to take on a very significant purpose so as not to be expected as a reward just for having stayed alive one more year.  We do not support any hint of entitlement in this home.

Thus evolved over the last to years the family tradition of celebrating the things that make the birthday child special. I have really really liked this method, not just for the psychological effect on the kids, but for the mentality it puts me in as a parent preparing the days purpose; especially as it relates to choosing gifts.  Gifts now represent what we truly feel is special about our children and how far they have come in the past year.  As they open the gift we are happy to explain to them how their accomplishments of that year have affected the family and how we want to rejoice with them in all the good they have done and can continue to do as we support them.

Even with our most managed discussion of what birthdays are for, Viv has a built in diva that sets the day up as ultra dramatic.  As she is developing she displayed the budding awareness of dates and passage of time leading up to her birthday.  In her excited way, she was announcing to everyone weeks in advance the approach special day for her.  "How old will you be?" the friendly person asks.  "I'm turning 6!"  

Well, it is no secret that we have regressive struggles with Viv that range from two year old tantrums (yes still throwing her self on the ground folks) to three year old potty training to four year old indecision.  Yes, we grant her the grace of not having had the most smooth transition through many of those developmental stages and know that her brain is in a marathon race to retrieve some lost time, however, anyone who knows Viv knows she has a super developed sense of street smarts and awareness of social cues. 

 Thus, on a difficult day, facing more of the two-year-old than an almost-six-year-old,  Jost tapped into the hot-topic resource for our parenting benefit.  Watching her from the rear-view mirror pout and kick and nearly bite her siblings, Josh calmly said "I don't know Viv if you are actually turning six this year." Despite her will to be sour, the mention of the magic day snapped her out of her mis-matched emotion.  "What?!"  Her eyes popped open and the indignity of the possibility that she might not make it to her self-announced milestone stopped the whole show.  "I don't know.  You just don't seem to be acting like a girl who is almost turning six.  You are acting more like a four-year-old.  Maybe you are just going to stay five this year."  Viv's reaction to this plausible pause in time and progression toward becoming what she most wants to be, a teenager, was enough to give us the parenting ammunition we needed to keep her at point for the next few weeks.

Yes, we were shameless enough to hold her birthday over her head to help motivate her toward the behaviors we knew she could master.  As a desperate parent, you will use whatever you have, and generally that means you manipulate what is most important to the child at the time.  How many parents ground their children from the one thing they like most?  It works.  With Viv we have just learned that what she holds on to most is not material, it is the immaterial status of various social positions.  If you want her to stop spiraling herself into another mammoth fit, all Josh does is pull out his camera phone and let her know he is going to show it to whichever person Viv is most interested in impressing at the time.  This scares me sometimes because I worry that we are instilling some sort of social shame inside her, but what else have we got?

Back to the birthday.  

Viv really did do her very best and the equations of age and behavior were made more and more clear to her.  We just mentioned what age range her behavior was most developmentally appropriate for and she made adjustments.  Not that we were always setting her back, we also rewarded her with the idea that she really is acting her own age, or even above it when appropriate.  The night before her birthday, when I traditionally take up a little more of my precious sleep time to hang streamers and put the gifts on the table for the waking birthday child I was not in the mood to do it.  I still didn't think she was there.  Luckily, I have a loving and forgiving man as my companion and Viv's daddy who went and hung the streamers and I lay acting like a thirteen-year-old fuming in my own room.  

 A bit of sleep and earnest prayer met the morn of the 16th with a renewed possibility that all we will be better today.  We got Viv to school with her photo album to share at community time and I made it through the day planning to make it a special one for Viv.  Once home from school we had a dance party to a Glee Pandora station (Viv loves any music from Glee or Taylor Swift, I swear she is a preteen some days).  Viv wanted to frost her brownie-cheesecake dessert with purple frosting herself despite the sugar alert sirens blaring in my head.  Then we set up for dinner of ramen noodles, her preferred choice.  When Daddy joined us for dinner then we got to the celebrations of what makes Viv special to us:

6, yes all 6, flower power candles on an over sweet 'cake.'

Cards from grandparents and aunts that emphasized the qualities that they felt were best in Viv.

Sparkly leotards for another year of huge improvements in Gymnastics.  She shines there and is her most focused and uses her body to her best potential as a gymnast, which we love about her and for her.

The semi-practical gift..

"Never Peed in panties" which is significant for a six year old to never pee in her panties anymore....it didn't last long unfortunately.

This book reminds me exactly of Viv!   "YOU WILL BE MY FRIEND!" by Peter Brown is the story of super confident Lucy bear who is determined to make every creature in the forest her best friend.  In the end she finds that just being calm and allowing people to get to know you is the best way to make friends.  There is certainly a moral in there that we hope will pass on to Viv.

The National Geographic "First book of Why?" was another natural book to give to Viv.  We do love her inquisitive conversationalist but are encouraging to find her own answers to questions this year rather than expecting everyone else to give her answers or opinions.

 After the actual birthday Viv figured she had got to what she wanted and needn't pay attention to the behaviors of a six year old, since she was six now anyway, which didn't fly for us as parents.  Yes, we did take back some of her gifts as bounty until she reversed some of her reversals.  It still meant enough to her to 'grow-up' that she has now, more than two weeks later, earned back all her representative gifts of moving into a six-year-old life.  Yes, it has been a bit silly to have to hold in question Viv's actual developmental age this last while, but the pay off is worth it.  Even if we do look like mean parents for awhile and forced the issue just a bit.

Trickiest Treat

Halloween 2013 was almost as tricky and a crazy treat as it was three years ago.    A fated trip to a Taco Bell on Sunday, October 31st in 2010 gave us the biggest scare ever.  Being a parent to Viv has been kinda like walking through a haunted house; it scares you around every corner, have a bit of a freak out moment, laugh and realize that what scared you wasn't that big a deal, and then you clench onto your partner and get ready for the next adventure around the corner.  Best part of it all, when you get through you are so happy that you risked it, and, AND, you had fun!

Last night was a reminder of what fun it is to be Viv's mom.  Amidst the drenching rain that plagued the trick-or-treaters and some crazy aches and pains - Viv had a clairvoyent moment when the costumes and the show was just taken off and she was her pure self.

 Because we love gymnastics and Viv would never miss a lesson if it  was left to her.  My already founded aversion to begging for candy and the poor weather made it a clear choice to keep our regular Thursday night schedule.  There were only three other people in the gym that made the same choice, and each had their coach to themselves.  AWESOME!  Viv got a one-on-one lesson for an hour and a half with her coach (at group rates) with a practically empty gym.  Talk about focus!

 The best part is how excited Viv gets as she feels that absolute mastery of her body and mind.  She gets pumped!  Her coach was amazed that she didn't get exhausted with that long session full on all by her onsies.  Nope, not Viv.  When it comes to gymnastics she has an unending store of gymnastic power.  A little power ranger in purple.  So happy, so happy with herself and that moment.

 Viv really undressed for Halloween this year and gave me one of the best treats of the week.

 Faith and Danny were hanging at home with Josh handing out some candies to the soaked and shivering few that were trying to enjoy the holiday.  The kids liked playing with Daddy and in the end were so happy they were warm and building with magnets.

As for the traditional, "where's the extra cute costumes?' Post for Halloween?  We had a Church trunk-or-treat on Saturday and managed to have all the kids in costume long enough to pilfer candy off of good Christian people sitting in the back of their car.  That was all the more candy I wanted in the house anyway.

Ever since reading "Mummies in the Morning" book #4 of the Magic Tree House series he wanted to be a Mummy, until we read book #5 just last week and he started think about maybe being a ninja.  So when we got him all wrapped up he was a bit moody and upset that it was difficult to walk and that you could see some flesh.  With a bit of foresight Josh and I brought along a backup costume for the trunk-or-treat and sure enough he was Captain America before the night was out.  It was a cool costume while it lasted!

Viv wanted to be a fairy queen. A what? A Dairy Queen?  Fairy, but Josh had a good time teasing her about it.  It was fun doing the makeup but then the dress we ended up having to borrow didn't work it into colors...she was just so pleased with having been primped and painted.

Faith was specific this year.  She was Glinda the Good Witch.  She loves characters and love being the bubble witch.

Josh and I went as Buddy Holly and a Bond Girl, both circa 1960, here you only catch Josh's baby blue suit that her really only put on for me.  He loves me.

Godly Parenting

Parenting in in this century is hard.  Even the definition of what parenting is has me a bit confused on days (I have been trying to create a working definition for my research and it is a kerfuffle).  But I don't need to go to the internet to tell me that parenting is hard.  I have kids.  They let me know every day that there is a lot of work involved in this precious work of developing souls into the people they are meant to be.  As I have been searching through the historical literacies to contemporary blogs looking for where mom's are instilling morals in their wee ones, I realize that being a moral mother is a daily battle.

At the end of the day, I am a Bible-based parent trying to be a Christian woman.  I think that encompasses as much moral guidance as I can muster for three kids and a lifetime of guilt for not having done it good enough.

There has been as storm of mental hurricanes swirling around my head since Sunday.  It all started with the candid conversations with Viv.

It had been a rough week.  The kids were out of school for fall break Thurs-Monday.  That meant a reintroduction to the types of energy cocktails we have in our little people.  Things can get a bit rocky and as a parent, we sometimes get a bit too reactionary.

Here is the document that evolved out of it all by Thursday night:

Unacceptable behaviors:

1- Lying

2- Disrespecting anyone in the family

3- Refusing to talking during ‘conversations

4- Willful disobeying

Told us:

-everyone at home makes her mad/frustrated

-she doesn’t like/love Mother or Father

-likes her teachers more so that is why she is better at school

-Doesn’t ever want to have conversations

-when asked why she said “Oh my God!” during play, she first said her Dad says it (which we never take the name of the Lord in vain) and then refused to say where she had heard or learned the term, she is aware that cussing is unacceptable behavior

• says she hits her sister Faith because “she won’t ever listen to me”
• Viv will not self-entertain and when engaging with siblings (her only option at home) has to be in the position of authority, dictating the game, or pestering them to get the attention she wants
• she always answers her teachers immediately and truthfully

We Told her:

-Based on the information we received from school evaluations (PTC)it is clear to us that her behaviors are choices based on audience (home vs. school) and our expectation is equal treatment, at least, in the home

• Because we love her, we will base our parenting on her potential not her current behaviors i.e. we believe she will succeed in life if she eradicates unacceptable behaviors so we are willing to do whatever it takes to help her get rid of them now, including spankings (which is standard with the other children)
• Made it clear that our treatment of her will be no different than her siblings because she is not any different, which will change some of our reactions to her whereas we have given her more options or chances for behavioral change she will now have the same expectations as the other two (comply or consequence)

Catalyst Day (Thursday October 24, 2013):

After many days of counseling as a family, as a couple, and introspection as parents we recognized recurring patterns:  All behaviors with Mom were either decidedly defiant and oppositional or manipulatively sweet it draw attention away from other siblings and interactions with Dad were to ‘win him over’.  On a day out of school the behaviors were so pronounced at home that we felt it necessary to make immediate changes.  We always show a unified front in all decisions made regarding what parenting choices we are making for her, even though now she has made a stand that she is not making any choices with us.   As Parents: we are trying to inform before any consequence occurs so they do not seem as unruly punishments but direct result of behaviors.  We have decided that she will no longer be given the option/consequence of going to her bed because it has become apparent that she prefers not to have to deal with the issue at hand and seeks to be sent to her bed as soon as possible to avoid processing and hopes the delay will redirect the consequence.

I look at it now and think - maybe a bit harsh. But when you are dealing with a really, uh.....special child, things are harsh.  Friday I went to parent teacher conferences to see if Josh and I were just seeing everything through a tainted class.  Yes, Viv is highly distractible and has some rough social patches at school, but everyone is super optimistic.  I got a bit of perspective about how she is working at school.  Basically the same things at home, she just has a more structured (?) or better (!) environment at school that makes her feel successful.  I am so glad!!  That is all we want for her as parents is for her to successfully figure out the labyrinth of her brain so that her life is successful.

With Friday's perspective, and help from my sister with Saturday's events (well all tend to push problems aside when family is visiting), we made it through with out any major issues.  After some long naps on Sunday we all sat down for some heart warming eats.  Josh took the more calm environment to have little introspective talk with Viv when the other kids were finished (Viv is always the last to finish because she gets distracted even when eating food).

Josh opened the conversation with:
"I know we had a few rough days back there.  Is there anything you want to ask me about the new expectations?"

Viv: "Why do I have to have consequences?"

Josh gave me a calming glance that had "Chill out, I've got this" written all over it.  He knew I was still pretty heated about things and often feel that her questions are a bit, well, manipulated or manufactured.  He can often give a more genuine approach to things.

Josh: "Why do you thing we have consequences?"  Ah yes, use the best of the communication tactics available from "How to Talk so Kids will Listen & Listen So Kids will Talk."

After appropriate stall for a bite of food and dramatic draw of attention, Viv: "Because that is how we learn?"

Sounds reminiscent of a lesson we may have had a thousand million times.  Josh illustrates with the available fork why it is good to learn from consequence instead of continually stabbing yourself in the hand over and over again with the pointed prongs of unwise choices.

Viv: "But I don't like consequences."
Josh: "That's why we have them.  Would you ever learn anything new if you knew you could get ice cream by just doing the same thing all the time?"
Viv, with a unwanting air to admit it; "I guess not.  I should learn."

Their conversation continued a bit longer with some semi-satisfying results and Josh ends his portion of the discussion with a giant squeezing hug telling Viv how much he loves her and how much she believes in her ('reprove betimes with sharpness and show an increase of love after"+ practicing what he is reading in "Building Confidence in your Child" + Josh's amazing ability to forgive and forget until the next infraction).  Josh then nods over her tiny shoulder toward me, the muted observer that I should follow suit and frankly forgive her for the past 4 days of emotional turmoil and confidence destroying tactics that she and I have jointly gone through.  Viv suspects that the pregnant pause also means it is now Mommy's turn to chime in on the subject.  I gather up all my mothering instincts to be the bigger person, and surrender them to my personal wounds:

Me: "Viv, I have a question.  Why should I have to forgive you over and over again when you show no signs of really repenting?"

With a slight tilt of the head and her biggest brown eyed practiced innocence, "Because you love me.?" Her answer was a statement, yet when she saw the skeptical response in my face she retracted her confident body language back into a question, showing me that I was supposed to explain it to her.  Josh's eyes also lazer-beamed a grown up look into my person, probably trying to awaken that grown-up I had shoved out of the way earlier.

"God loves all His children, but He can't bless them until they repent."

It was a semi-textual example of how the Bible can truly be used for situational advantage.

In truth, I don't remember where the rest of the conversation went with Viv because I got side-tracked with the fact that I may have just twisted doctrine to suit my preferences.  In my personal conviction of religious perspective I really try to keep a textual connectedness to all principles taught from scripture and abhor the extracted use of words for isolated benefit.  But when it comes to examples of parenting through the scriptures, it gets rather confusing.

God's adjust for each of His children through time.  There is the vindictive role of God in the Old Testament who punishes with candor. Yet, the moments of tender instruction to His prophets illuminates the willing forgiveness on the edge of the clouds for all of Abraham's seed, His chosen people.  It makes like children of Israel look like real idiots when they can't get their act together and just get out of the wilderness.  And what about the God of deliverance that helps poor Joseph rise from the bottom of the pits and prison to rule over all Egypt?  The lesson is that parenting is situational.  Or is the lesson that some kids are just better than others so it is easier to bless them?

Within the last years I read a inspiring parenting help book entitled "5 Spiritual Solutions for Everyday Parenting Challenges" by Richard and Linda Eyre, the founders of Joy Schools.  Their second suggested solution is "Remember God's Parenting Patterns."  They pull 15 patterns out of the scriptural accounts of God's dealing with His children.  Some resonate more prolifically with my own nature:
 3. God gives clear, simple laws with will-announced consequences, rewards, and punishments.
 8. God has a plan of happiness for His children
15. God makes family central to all and the core of His purpose.
And some just seem a bit non-applicable:
11. God sent His eldest son to help and save us.
12. God sends angels.
Others are still in the works for me personally, and obviously stumbling blocks for my relationship with Viv in particular:
1. God grants us complete, unconditional love.
4. God allows His children the chance to repent.
5 God taught us and trained us and held us close throughout the premortal life, and then He gave us choices and let us go.
13. God finds joy in His children and in His relationship with them.

Graciously, God is my Father, and is perfect in those points of parenting I struggle with.
2. God sees (and treats) each child as a unique and eternal individual.
In other words, I needn't worry if Viv is one who needs washed out in a flood or lifted from the ashes, I need to work with the individual she is and figure out how to get a bit closer to God so He can help me with her.  In my calm moments, I can see that and feel that.  It is in the more mortal moments that I loose my footing.  The best lesson in forgiveness will be in trusting that the Lord will forgive me for those moments I really messed it up with Viv.  She already forgives me.  That is humbling.  Because I love her, and I really really do, I will forgive and learn, too.  In parenting, we must always remember that we are just as much a child in God's eyes.

Yeah, she's cute and she know's it.  Lil stinker

Cheering us on

I feel as though I am not a very consistent person, but I have consistent desires to be one of those people.  Writing falls under that category; I feel as if I loose the vibe than I am too far behind to catch up.  However, recent events have taught me to appreciate even the less inspired entries in the life of the Button Family.

To begin, I feel as though there is great need to send out some more joy and rejoicing!!

Applause for Blogger!
Now this blog contains some of the most precious things to me - pictures.  Within the last month our Mac had a pretty severe heart attack, or stroke, whichever mainstay body organ you would equate the hard drive of a computer.  It died.  We saw some warning signs, but did not take it to the doctor before they called the time.  Within that oh so dead hard drive are ALL our photos.  I know, backup and so forth, and we tried, just not often enough and this was before the invention of iCloud.  Now, all I want for Christmas is my pictures back, which may be possible in a clean room environment by some highly trained specialist, and to me, it is worth it.  Thank heavens I have been putting at least some snippets of life here, with photo evidence.

Hooray for Housewives!
I have had a bit of a showdown with my feminist teacher in my Women's Literacies course.  Some conversations were unpleasant, but I was bold in a way I felt I must (and feel very relieved to have heard echoed sentiments in the 183rd semi-annual general conference) and in a small way, triumphant.  Through persistence I have found a way to make sure feminist theory not overshadow the authentic feminine voice and have determinedly shown a true representation would be more humble and reflective of the sensibilities that make women excellent housewives!  I have felt so inspired that I have decided to formulate a whole years work on the subject, in the form of a master's thesis.  Ah! Finally to be inspired by a cause that speaks so clearly to who I am and what I stand for in an academic community that has been misrepresenting authenticity!  High point: my professor admitted to the class that if any woman were to suscribe to a feminist view point they must admit that feminism, as a body of theory and movements associated with it, has made some pretty harsh mistakes which still hold the name under a wicked lens. Own up to it, and then you are able to really understand what the third wave movement is all about.  And yes, I consider myself a feminist activist, and I will more than likely explain more about that as research continues.

Hats of for Dental Insurance!
We did our before-school-check-ups on the kids' teeth.  After our last multiple procedure visits in AZ for Faith and Danny we had decided to pay dental insurance - and hooray we did!  Faith had swallowed her crown and Danny's two front teeth were rotting at the roots.  Again, Viv gets high honors for having the world's wonder enamel with no needed dental attention beyond a bit of plaque.  End result, three removed teeth.  Faith had the rotted crownless tooth removed and Danny, well, we shall say that hearing the 'original' version of "all I want for Christmas" is delightful.

Last time with front teeth for years to come.

Two small treasures at one big price.

Small and strange perks of Indiana, what fun!

In the small quiet town where Josh practices medicine, the world's largest historic car auction happens yearly!  I think all the citizens of the town also own historic cars, for not only are there lots full of cars for auction prices, every house in town has a beautiful car sitting out in the front yard with a for sale sign.  I can't wait until we have money....I have my eye set on a few beautiful models.  It is a car lovers dream, and here we are in the middle of it!

And three cheers for finding what you don't need!

This is the house that Josh and I had envisioned as our forever home.  In the country with a wrap around porch.  Bonus for being in the correct location.  Naturally, when I saw a for sale sign in the front yard I convinced Josh that it would be worth our while to go walk through it, just to make sure that we didn't miss our opportunity.  Turns out the house is dreamy.  We did our research, and in so doing found an even dreamier home.  We tried to hurriedly get our ducks in a row to put an offer on our dream home, that was for real and for sale.  Turns out, ducks don't like being rushed or herded.  Although we did eventually round up enough of the appropriate ducks, our dream house had already floated out of our reach.  This house is still there.  We see it daily.  But we now know what ducks are ready and which are not and are happy to just stay in our own little pond and keep dreaming.  Dreams are useful, but it makes the most financial sense to live in what you can afford right now.

The sunflowers were incredible and made the house so quaint.

Our neighbor put up the picket fence and I like how nice it makes our home look.

As of Sept. 2nd we had put in a lot of work into this home, and it shows.

Backyard particularly has transformed with grass, fencing, 

and the almost finished garden.