Monday Mutiny

This is only the remains after I had cleared a walking path.

Today I am not so excited to be a parent.  Before I even got out of bed (mind you I am out of bed at 6:10am every morning now)  the kids had already demolished one National Geographic magazine and left all the cut pieces in the direct walking path to the kitchen.  I ignored that so I could go running.

 After a very unfocused breakfast during which the kids continually sprung out of their seated position to smear their breakfast hands all over the window to scream at the birds in the backyard despite me multiple protests, I sent them to the bath.  First, Danny brought the air pump into the tub and made the plastic horse gallop so vigorously around the tub that water had splashed completely out of the tub.  He told me he had washed his hair, yet when he got out there were bubbles in the water and a dry head.  I had to ignore that so I could be prepared for the RS presidency to come over for a meeting.

Then Faith was in the tub - add in tea set and ponies.  She washed all the ponies hair with more than half of the shampoo bottle.  She then complained she had no soap to wash her hair with.  Lay down in the tub since that is where all the soap is apparently. Once out of the tub she and Danny began dancing around like crazies instead of continuing any morning routine.

Then Viv was in the tub.  She stayed in there for the whole hour of my presidency meeting despite being told to get out multiple times.  I don't mind that she soaks and gets clean, but she also emptied out all of Josh's shampoo into the tub as well and her siblings began throwing stuffed animals in at her in order to get her out of the tub.

After bath carnage- none of these things are bath toys.

 Meanwhile Danny and Faith were being distracted from making their bed for 45 minutes because the apparently needed to shred all of their fine clothes from their closet.  I was excited that I had modified their closet to reach their own clothes and dress themselves, until this morning.

It is now 10am and nearly nothing has been accomplished.  I have had a meeting and thrown off my regular reign of order and routine and I don't think I can get it back.  The mutiny has began and nothing can dissuade them from their current course.  They are banding together and all I can see in the future to stop this course is some old fashioned belt whips.  Too bad I don't hit my children.  They have forgotten all the rules I have taught them over six years and I am powerless.  I suppose I shall just pretend this day doesn't exist and eat the full double batch of cookies I made yesterday to pretend that I am not failing as a parent today.

Saturday is a special day...

pervious view of yard - mostly weeds

In the primary hymnal there is a song for children that states "Saturday is a special day, it's the day we get ready for Sunday."  The bouncing melody goes on to describe how we make everything clean and shiny and extra peaceful before we lay down to rest buzzing with Sabbath reverence.  

I had forgotten this morning what I had done yesterday and woke to a hay field!

For us, Saturday is a day to get ready for Sunday, more in the sense of a 'day of rest' from our Saturday work.  With one full day for projects we work as crazily as possible for as long as our physical bodies can sustain it and then crash into bed relieved that the next day we can take a nap and nurse ourselves back to normalcy with ibuprofen and fresh baked cookies.   April has been a particularly productive month of Saturdays.  I was going to document in words what a delightfully exhausting day I had in the perfect 60 degree weather, but realized that my arms are still a bit too tired to support them up to the keyboard for too long.  We started at 8am, as soon as Josh brought home our rental equipment.  I set directly to the tree stump remover.  It was large and a bit intimidating and first - but way fun once I got the hang of it.  We needed to remove a variety for stumps along the old fence/property line between our house and the neighbors.  We were also hoping to create better drainage from our property, which sits 2 feet above  the next, so we are not draining our yard runoff into their basement.  So, I ran that digger all down the line and loosened as much soil as I could in the process while leveling out two massive root systems, lowering one area down three feet to level and then ditching the rest.

I was extra happy for the loose dirt to move it as topsoil to fill in our insanely uneven backyard.  The previous owners of the house had an above ground pool in the backyard and had flattened the ground under the pool - displacing a lot of the yard in severly uneven proportions. I would not have minded the bumps had any grass been able to grow in the depressed circle.  Nope.  Just weeds.  Thus, wheel barrow full by the next, I moved property line to level backyard while Josh delivered the rentals back and got supplies for the fence we are jointly building with the neighbors as well.  

Looking toward property line you see the shrubery.

Looking down the property line, new posts and ditch.

With the rental, Josh operated an auger - the fastest and easiest way to dig post holes ever!  After counting out 21 holes that would need to be dug, and knowing how long it takes, and the massive effort it takes, to dig them, we opted for the auger.  It was a good choice.  Because we are willing to put the fence together ourselves and demolish the tree stumps by ax and will power it saves us some cash.  Plus, we didn't have to pay for topsoil fill for the yard, and we fixed the drainage problem too!  Mostly.    Work in progress.  And work it was.  From early morning until 8 at night for me, 11pm for Josh.  I was happy that both Josh and I have stayed focused on fitness to support all that lifting, digging, and general physical labor.  It will be nicer every year and every month, and every Saturday.

The orangish area had been a really huge tree stump that was built up about 2 feet above our yard level, now it is depressed.

Level. Imagine the green to come!

The Saturday previous I worked through my grumpiness of sinusitis, treating it with paint fumes to renovate the kids' closet.  I had to take out shelving on the left and paint that little cubby of a space 3 times to make it nice.  Between coats I finished and re-finished all the trim (time consuming) in the bedroom and started the checker-board pattern on the ceiling.  

The main purpose was to create a hanging area where the kids could reach their hanging clothes themselves.

colorful 'drawers' to keep their clothes

higher shelves to keep clothes they are growing in to and toys to save.

With the addition of the 'reading corner' their room is getting quite homey. (and yes, we have a lot of paint on the floor, but we don't care since we will refinish the floors in another year.  Lazy = temporary ghetto mess.)

"He did expound all things..."

This morning I read in the Book of Mormon with the children I was struck by the paused contemplation of my six year old.  I read in 3 Nephi chapter 26 " And he did expound all things, even from the beginning until the time that he should come in his glory -- yea, even all things which should come upon the face of the earth, even until the elements should melt with fervent heat, and the earth should be wrapt together as a scroll, and the heavens and the earth should pass away; (verse 3)"

Faith stopped me with her inquisitive look and the slight tilt of her head, "The earth will 'pass away?'" They are familiar with the term 'pass away' as dying.  I paused in that moment of childlike wondering to put into context of their world the vast plan of the Earth and the creations of God.  "Yes," I responded, "when the Earth has done all the work that it has to do for Heavenly Father's plan for us, it will die too.  Just like we do when our work is done.  Jesus is talking about when He comes again and it is the end of everyone's work on Earth.  Once we are judged then we don't need the Earth anymore."  We read on in the following verses how the last judgement would take place and all would be resurrected to everlasting life or damnation according to the plan that "was before the world began."  

That was enough doctrinal discussion for the little people and they wandered on to bath time thoughts and chasing cats.  I was left a few moments more pondering over my scrambled eggs.  I have always believed that the sequence of the Creation takes into account all the natural laws that we have 'discovered' through science.  Scriptures and science support each other in all truth.  As I looked over again the description of the earth melting with 'fervent heat'  I thought of Mars.  It seems logical that just as the Earth came together 'naturally' according to the will and power of the Priesthood of God and His Son, so would it pass away again.  Science is discovering now that under all that heat and dust on Mars it is likely that there had been creation.  So Mars passed out of an orbit that was safe enough distance from the sun into one that no longer sustained life.  Or was life no longer needed there?  I don't know that Mars was one of the 'worlds without end' that They created on which children of God would come and Christ would pay His ultimate sacrifice for as well, as we know it stretched through all time.  It just made sense in that moment that all things would happen naturally as we know them.

Providentially the General Conference review I was listening to directly thereafter by Elder M. Russell Ballard solidified those truths.  His discourse on Priesthood power begins:

A few weeks ago, on a cold, dark winter’s night, my wife, Barbara, and I looked in awe up at the sky. The millions of stars seemed exceptionally bright and beautiful. I then turned to the Pearl of Great Price and read again with wonder what the Lord God said to Moses: “And worlds without number have I created; and I also created them for mine own purpose; and by the Son I created them, which is mine Only Begotten” (Moses 1:33).

In our day the Hubble deep-space telescope has confirmed the magnitude of what Moses saw. Hubble scientists say the Milky Way galaxy, of which our earth and sun are just a tiny part, is estimated to be only one of over 200 billion similar galaxies. For me it is difficult to comprehend, impossible to fathom, so large and so vast are God’s creations.

Brothers and sisters, the power by which the heavens and earth were and are created is the priesthood. Those of us who are members of the Church know that the source of this priesthood power is God Almighty and His Son, Jesus Christ.

My heart leapt a little inside me to find the underlying doctrine that had led my deeper ponderings of a moment ago.  The power by which all creation is made and controlled is God, and God is revealing His truth and power to us in increments.  Both to Moses and then again among the Nephites, Christ "did expound all things, even from the beginning until the time that he should come in his glory (3 Nephi 26:3)."  Wow!  Won't it be exciting to learn all those things too!  I hold off my full expansion of knowledge until the time I am in heaven, doubting the likelihood of me reaching a humility akin to Moses or a lifespan that includes the coming again of Christ.  I am really excited though, to find all the missing links that we are trying to piece together here on Earth about how He did it all.

Getting better

While going to sleep Saturday night Josh asked me if I ever used to play with my dad.  I paused to go back through the years and recollect the games and giggles that I had with a serious seeming papa.  Two things stuck out: Family Home Evening and pinching.  Thank heavens for the Gospel in our home growing up that guided the interactions I had with my Dad.  

I remember most the mandatory FHE monday nights.  We had to sing, have a lesson, a game, and a treat, no exception.  Most of the games were home made and there were some mad favorites.  I remember the receding light of day on our front lawn casting shadows over an elaborate obstacle course that Dad had built for us.  Each of us lined up on the sidewalk and anxiously awaited our turn.  I don't remember all we had to do, but it was a good competition, and lots of laughs.  I think for weeks thereafter we tried to make a better obstacle course than Dad but no one really mastered it.  

We frequently cleared the coffee table and pulled out a quarter to play 'slapsies and creepsies.'  In turn we would secretly pass the penny underneath the table until the opposing team determined our fate.  I believe this was the beginning of learning the 'poker face' when you were so excited as a child that the penny actually landing silently in your hand - at least until they called 'creepsies' and you had to slowly slide your fingers out onto the table without letting the quarter clink.

Dad truthfully came up with the best games and then we copied the until we were bored of them.  He often brought in scout tricks and laughed at our expense when we couldn't figure out his riddles.  More than once I sat on a wet rag playing 'Unga Bunga' or had my nose attached to a broom.  Dad just laughed inside and wouldn't give the answer.  It was fun for us all.  Although, it was hard to have to sit next to Dad during the lessons of FHE because he was notorious for pinching your leg to keep himself awake and watch the girls jump.  Those Monday nights were a haven.  I realize now that it is because of our parents' persistence that we all learned how to sing, play the piano, and teach the Gospel at a young age.  Those are miraculous skills!  And we did have fun.

As parents, Josh and I are getting better.  I am glad that we constantly evaluate and try our best to become better.  We determined that we would both like to play more games as a family. We want to fill our house with good old fashion fun and music.  THe influence of reading "Little House on the Prairie" series to our kids has been tremendous for us as we remember how simple it is to have a solid family.

 Sunday we set out to create a pattern despite being sick and tired (very literally).  Kids don't care how you feel as a parent, the just know what you are doing is lame.  Right after Church and lunch we sat down to a game of Memory.  Danny is particularly good at this game and Faith has extreme luck.  Viv just likes the attention she gets at her turn and strangely will turn over the same cards turn after turn after turn, but gratefully she has gotten out of the sulky stage of worrying about winning.  We played through twice, though we should have stopped at one since the attention on the second game waned fast; Josh and I both just wanted to prove that we weren't as rusty at Memory as we had been the first game.

The kids picked out Legacy for our afternoon movie/nap.  We piled on top of each other like a family of gerbils.  Danny and I slept through most of it and then on for a more drug induced sleep (me) while Josh took the girls out on a walk around the neighborhood.  When I decided to get up I found cups full of dandelions and other precious weeds on tops of loving notes from the girls.  Josh was sitting with the girls in the front room reading books.  Danny gravitated to the reading and I moved to the piano to fill the room with music.  Viv, our natural singer, was soon found at my side and I delighted in hearing her soft little voice mingling in and out with mine.  She just likes to hear the melodies and doesn't care that she doesn't know the words.  We played a bit of 'name that tune' and Viv was working on reading the titles so she didn't have to guess (she still really resents being wrong on an answer) and I was pleased that she new she could read well enough to work it out.  We sang and sang until Faith joined us and then my singer was out.  I continued to play the piano for practice, and an example to the kids who are now taking piano lessons, while the girls danced. 

Josh had disappeared with Danny and the girls soon found out where they were as they peeked through the front window.  Danny is a very analytical boy and is masterful at playing checkers.  Josh and I have been sad that most of our checkers pieces have disappeared - yet the simplicity of invention saved the day!  Josh created checkers on our porch and they used light and dark colored rocks.  I insisted the girls stay out of the game for at least one game before they ran outside in glee.  While I made a late dinner Josh taught them how to play four-square on the sidewalk.

The day ended peacefully together as Josh finished putting in the hanger rail in the kids' closet (part of our Saturday projects) and I read to the girls.  Josh stayed in the room to listen with Danny since we are all involved with the story.  Family prayers, kisses and goodnight.  Definitely better.

Good

As we were coming home late-ish from piano lessons and I was anticipating the non-motivation that faces me every time I need to prepare a meal for the kids at noon, I turned to ask the kids.  What did they want for lunch? 

 "Well, we had Ramen for lunch yesterday that that wasn't very nutritious." began Faith.  

"We could have meat and cheese on crackers then we would have protein to make our bodies strong." Danny suggests.  We went downstairs to inspect the food supply for crackers and found none down there.  While I told Danny his option was viable and I got distracted with switching the laundry Danny went upstairs to the pantry to prove me wrong.  He reappeared with half a sack of crackers.  "Yes we do have crackers Mama!  See!" he openly teased and then turned to his sisters, "Do you know where they were?  It isn't a secret.  I found them in the middle pantry on the shelf half way up."  

 "Let's have salad!"  Faith offers happily. "And don't we have some tomatoes in the fridge.  I saw this picture of taco sauce and remembered how much I like tomatoes."  

Yes, we did have a fine salad that Josh had brought home from work the day before.  They each ate a full plate of salad, and then a second, and a third for Faith while stuffing their cheeks periodically with cherry tomatoes. After their first plate of salad they wanted to try using the seasoned vinegar I was having as dressing rather than the sweeter stuff and all preferred the zing.  Such recent conversations with my kids reveals many things to me as I stop and take stock. First - my kids are really good.  We have a good and calm home and they are all good friends.  

 Second- my kids are growing up.  They are aware of nutritional quality of food and have preferences.  They eat a lot more but are wanting to make wise choices about what they eat.  And they have stellar vocabularies, i.e. nutritious, protein, prefer.  Look how boyish Danny looks!

 Third - my kids have learned more through observations in our home than I sometimes realize.  I know that Josh and I have always made sure we are open about everything we are doing, including food choice, and explain our reasoning.  I didn't know it would really become the little people that we have.  The demonstrate such interest and understanding in what is going on sometimes that I worry if we are treating them too much as big people instead of little.  But, as mentioned above, they are not so little anymore.

Forth - My kids are good eaters.  I didn't make them into that, they just really are.  We have had a few spurts here and there with individuals not 'prefering' certain food items, but they come out of it.    They are all good sports about the rule that you must eat at least two bites of every item on your plate and if you want seconds you have to clear all of the firsts. VIv most noticeably has had to learn more of this willingness to try, especially after I told her the story of how I once sat at the dinner table for hours becuase I refused to eat hot dogs and shrimp. We have fed them very few sweets from birth and don't worry about desserts.  Snacks are almost always fruit smoothies or vegetables.  This is a good environment to pick up on all these eating habits.  Yet, I am not naive to believe it was anything I did.  I have seen much better mothers, and more healthy too, have children that are obstinately picky despite their best efforts.  When it comes to food, we are just blessed.  Sure, we pick other battles, but I love not having to worry about how their little bodies are getting all that they need from the stuff they are putting into their bodies.  I have good kids who are good eaters of good food.

Proof that they ate the food, not just me.

Moments of Perfection

Our home is not always so peaceful, but there are moments of perfection that I look forward to, such as these:

Viv, given a mandatory moment to reconnect her brain sat so peacefully in the sunlight breakfast nook totally engrossed in her reading that she didn't even notice me taking a picture, which is saying something for the proverbial photo poser.  She really does enjoy being calm, it is sad it is too rare.  We have been grateful for the therapeutic listening that helps create more such moments.

Faith sweetly loves to cuddle with me on Sunday afternoons, prior to our very rare nap times.  I love having her small head next to mine and listening to her breathing slow and then feeling the slight twitch of her toes.  It is about 50/50 that I fall asleep before she, but on the delightful sunny afternoons I love waking up to her peaceful countenance.  It completes the picture that the cats are drawn to such serenity as well; those are Kris's sleepy eyes.

While you were out

Closet before - blue painted wood. Not modifiable.

Closet After - white and clean and adjustable!

On Saturday Josh took the youth up to the Chicago temple, leaving me and the little people home.  For weeks I had been fuming about our master closet (after changing the angle of the bed it is what I stare at every night before sleeping) being super sloppy.  I had been devising a plan to re-do it all at minimal cost and finally figured out how to do it.  So, once Josh was out the door I went to demolition.  I knocked out the old shelving and ripped up the nasty carpet.  Proudly, I even puttied in holes and did two coats of white paint as well as finished the trim in the room AND made a trip to Lowe's with the littles in Josh's tiny car to get a few supplies (mostly paint).  I still got the clothes re-hung in the new closet before Josh arrived home at 10:30.  It was a twelve hour transformation.  I also managed to sand, putty and paint the partially remodeled wall in the command center and finish the white paint in the kids' room.  The house was clean and I was happy at the end of the day.  Mostly I was proud that I was able to rummage up all the pieces of the closet to make it work with only having to buy the support strips that go down the back to hook the shelves in to!  The rest were shelves and baskets we had bought for various other home projects in other states.  My favorite is that there are no more piles of Josh's clothes to fall all over the place and the clothes on the bottom row don't drag on the floor!

before

after

 I know, you're thinking it still looks a lot like a bunch of clothes hanging in a six foot box in the wall, but to me it is a world of difference that I enjoy every day. Little things keep me content, and if it involves organization too....wahoo!

The kid models in the after photos make it way cuter too.  I am a totally lucky woman, I have adorable kids and all my clothes fit on one long shelf (still way more than Josh's half, but I am a woman).

Will you please STOP!?!

My flag flies at half mast today for our country.  Why the violence on innocent people?  In the same breath I am grateful for our nation that has such a low incidence of such bombings and crime that we do rally together and become each other's heros.  In other parts of the world, it happens too much.  But it needs to stop, at whatever degree. We need you to please stop hurting us all.

To all those mourning and scared in Boston, my prayers are with you!

Rebuttal to the Rollercoaster

After putting my feelings out there, and as usual praying for a lot of guidance, these two wonderful people have given me some counsel to lift my spirits and help us move forward.

Adventures in Foster-Adoption: Riding a Roller-coaster

Even though the adoption of Viv finalized in December, Josh and I are frequently reminded that Viv will always be a foster-adoptive child, which is to say, not easily incorporated naturally in the family.  We endeavor every day to make the gap as small as possible and help our home environment feel as cohesive as possible.  Yet, we are still on the seemingly endless roller-coaster that we got ourselves locked into the first day we became foster parents.

It is frustrating after two years to be hitting the same lows as we had at the beginning of the ride.  We have a slow climb up to a peak of positivity and the inevitable rush downward again.  It is an apt analogy, the roller-coaster, because it seems that the falling sensation is worse, or more sensational, than the rising again.

Our greatest disappointment is just feeling helpless against the natural forces that draw Viv down again over and over.  We seem to be making progress and heading up when suddenly the track changes and Josh and I are left with our hearts in our throats as we are all plummeted down again.  I wish so many times that I could be one of those cool riders whom the constant motion does not seem to affect, but I am just as rattled on each descent as I was on the first one.

So many helpless and hopeless thoughts accompany the nauseous return to the bottom:  What happened this time?  What triggered this?  Did we do something wrong?  What is the best way to react?  Do we stay consistent or try something new?  Am I completely failing and making things worse?  Didn't we have this one figure out?  Why are we back here again?  Can I help?  Do I give up?  Do I ignore it?

Through it all we hold on to a few things: We knew this would continue to happen, even if we hoped it wouldn't, this is the reality of having foster children.  We love her. This is not her fault.

Through the bottom there are the feeble attempts to figure it out.  The terrible moments when we succumb.  And the intentional numbing of feelings, a suspension of investment in a child that is self-destructing.  To the on-looker the family is just working with a bit of a stubborn child in a tough moment.  From the inside we are doubting and crumbling anew, wondering what foundation we can build upon when her foundation is irreparably damaged.  She is still good, even great at moments.  It is just the despairing contrast to the sights we saw right before the plummet that still linger in our heart that make the decent so displacing.

She got us both this week.  She drove us both to that moment when we know as parents that we have lost control.  We are angry.  Afterwards we are ashamed at having given in and perhaps somehow supported any reasoning for the desired result.  And there we stand, looking at each other, helpless again and heartbroken.  What do we do?  Repent.  Love.  Forgive.  and most of all try to forget as we start the long and slow upward climb again with hope of that glorious view atop.

One of these times we may get stuck on top.  That is our Hope.

Vivianna Hope Button

Easter Revelries

Thanks to my parents we had some lovely new Easter decorations this year!  I was happy to get out the Ukranian eggs on Palm Sunday to start the week of Christ centered celebrations.

It was a wonderful year to focus on the Savior in preparations for a meaningful Easter.  Certainly the kids were still caught up in the craze of the Easter Bunny (thanks to the movie that the Leprechauns brought us for St. Patricks day "Rise of the Guardians."), but they are recognizing that the Easter season is all about HOPE.

For our daily scripture study we read from Eric Huntsman's "God So Loved the Word" which details the events from the four gospels of the last week of Christ's life.  It was lovely to have pictures, explanations and scriptures each day to work with.  I got to read the full chapter of the day and certainly gleaned more than the kids, but they do learn daily from the scriptures.  It seems of the full week they were most interested in the cursing of the fig tree and of Pilate saying that Jesus was not a bad guy.  That is what we talked about most.  That and coloring Easter eggs.

The kids kept a strict timeline, counting down, rather impatiently, until Saturday when we would color the eggs with Daddy.  Each year I am glad that the Spring season does bring warmer weather so we can color eggs outdoors while the kids are still smallish.  We had some colossal spills this year.

One of the best parts of these time consuming traditions is the time both Josh and I have to recount our own childhood memories to the kids in the very act of carrying on the traditions we loved.  I am so glad that the kids are interested in relating to us and hearing about what life was like when we were kids.  They are most interested in just getting any color on the egg; although this year I saw the emergent interest in making bi-color eggs and dipping for purpose rather than plopping. I know their skills will develop over the years and it is fun to even notice from year to year their creativity collectively develop.  With all of them in the same relative age range, they don't have older siblings to direct their perception of creation, so it is all up to them.  Josh and I try a few techniques, but really we are just running damage control.  Life changes each Spring, with the hope of a new season and new discoveries so we do not begrudge the current status.

Sunday morning the kids woke to a note from EB over the empty egg cartons: "He Is Risen."  Echoing the words of angels that the eggs were not there.  We hoped to keep the focus on Christ until at least after Church - and being that it was still dark outside, it was nice that the Easter Bunny had left the egg hunts for after Church services.

A bit of the childhood greed crept into the morning as the girls discussed a bit of the disappointment in EB's delivery.  I heard as they walked down the hall when told to get their Sunday clothes on "Usually the Easter Bunny brings us a new dress to wear!"  I was mildly upset by their selfishness, but they are kids, and I had set myself up for it having done it every year.  I did a bit of yelling explanation while still trying to get them to forget it and focus on Jesus, but I was (am) irritated to hear such selfishness.  We are hoping to transition the kids out of a self centered world to a giving focused one.  They did pretty good at Christmas, and it was hard to see the set back.  Mostly it stems from Viv, which is not her fault, she was raised a greedy little thing.  Again, a hope for the future and new beginnings is what we hold on to.

They were all super cute and spring-y in getting themselves dressed for Church and we enjoyed finding eggs to have our favorite creamed eggs over toast for lunch.

The Weight of Waiting

In this changing world market, I am certain there are hundreds that can sympathize with the time spent waiting for a phone call that may or may not change the course of your immediate life.  Job prospecting does that to you.

This week, it is my unhappy weight to be waiting.  Stuck musing on possibilities and weighing options that may me irrelevant.  Creating scenarios that could make a difference, or just be dreams.

I did not presume that it would roll this out of control though!

I had determined that this week would be Spring cleaning for the house.  Oh I love me some deep cleaning and decluttering.  The kids and I were excited to start in their bedroom and work our way out of there through the rest of the house.  As I started to get the momentum up to start the detail work I was halted with the 'what ifs' of future jobs.

'Really?" I thought. "Is it really going to change all that much if I get one job verses another?  I should just be able to get this room cleaned."  However, my secondary compulsion to never have to do more work than is necessary pulled the plug.  Yes, within a week I would know whether I would want to be switching rooms or not, creating an office or not, moving the kids' playroom to the basement, finishing the trim paint, ripping out a closet configuration, etc, etc, etc.

I should be able to just pick one possibility and move forward.  But, I could just wait a week and avoid repeating my work.  Do I consider that waiting or patience?  Is it indecision or cost management?

I was glad for a moment when our renter/nanny told us she was moving in four weeks.  "Oh." thought I, "now that would give me a good space to move the kids' toys. I could just move the rooms now.  Yet, if I am going to get out the white paint to do the trim I may as well wait for Saturday to put up the bead board wall. And I ought now rip out the master closet if the kid's clothes are going to go into it.  It would be nice if I just waited four weeks and did it all in on fun and crazy week of moving it all around.  That sounds like a lot of fun.  Except I have to wait four more weeks."

The dialogue continues.  It is Tuesday and I assume that I will have some sort of clarification on job status by the end of the week.  Then I could........wait.  Perhaps wait some more until it is all so urgent.  I prefer working under pressure anyway.

Crazy Super

Although the general definition of a super hero is one who saves the world and makes it a better place - these little super heros stopped amidst wrecking havoc on my house to define what super is - believing you can do anything.

The girls' hairdos came from a lazy day and limited rubber bands, Danny's hairdo came from the pure crazy invention of childish humor.  He wore it around the house until I insisted it be removed before going to ballet that night.

Meaningful Absence

It has been a hiatus.
Not necessarily from writing, but from blogging.
And it stems somewhat from superstition.

I worry that if I take the time to sort through all my thoughts that I will
A) Miss something important in recounting what has already happened.
B) Miss something more important that is currently occuring.
C) Conjecture or overshoot the hopes for the future.

In the mean time the following has happened:
-The kids got accepted to an amazing private Montessori school! It will be a wonderful opportunity for all of their kids and their learning and development, especially Viv, since she and I have reached and empass.
-I have been going through an extensive application and interview process to become a teacher at the private Montessori school at the Middle School level. I am one of the two top canidates and should know this week whether or not I am offered the job.  Then I have to face the decision of accepting it or not.
-I got a part in the Fort Wayne Civic Theatre production of Cinderella as the Queen.
-I wrote a three thousand word essay for my class and now need to lengthen it out to five thousand words for the final research paper.  Intermittently with the academia I am having to decide whether to continue with my Master's program and how that will affect our summer plans.
- Danny grew two inches and has started growing into more of a little boy stage.
- Faith has started reading books to herself because she is impatient with waiting for someone else to read to her.
- Josh took a weekend trip to Lafayette with the youth so they could get to know the Insituted better.  Things are picking up speed in both of our callings.
- Viv got taller and sassier. Heaven help us figure her out and how to speak her love language. Where we were initially seeing progress with OT, we have reached a stalemate; next trying a therapist.  Will this rollercoaster ride every even out?
- After many months of cutting out exersice to see if I could manage chronic fatigue, including manipulating diet and sleep patterns - we have found that there is an underlying myalgia to deal with.
-I got a smart phone after my dumb one went mute.  Now I really feel dumb.
-We had the best and most meaningful Easter season and Passover week as the kids really were interested in each day of the last week of the Savior's life.  I am blessed by their insights and sincerity.

We are facing some major transitions in the family with trepidation and prayer.