Late Night Convalescence

I have often imagined in my mind the crisp and clean nurses of days of old. The triangle hat and white stockings often bobbing from one bed to the next, usually with some sort of netting about it, adminstering aid with a candy red lipstick smile. That image generally morphs into the more conservatively dressed and lipstick-less matrons, or nuns, of the packed and poor orphanages of yester-year. As I was up last night in our convalescence ward, I wondered how it was that despite the endless rows of ailing children, the room always appears noiseless in my mind except the slight rustle of long black skirts, a distant ching of metal spoon on glass bottle-neck, and a slight whimper from under neatly covered beds. And what was that magic medicine that made the children silent? or did it just make the comotose? The 'epicac' must have been akin to witches brew, or magicians elixir. As it stands; either my imagination has been seriously misleading or Tylenol is a severe let-down.
Nonetheless, after a long night with the wee sick ones, I don't think my gliding images of those who care for the sick will change. There is a great peace in serving those that truly need you. A calm when the angelic one has been comforted and slumbers. A love magnified in the hour of need.

Today I am just Mommy

Faith has been sick the last couple of days, really sick, which has actually slowed things down quite a bit. To adjust to her needs to be comforted, I have 'called in sick' for several of my other jobs including "Maid in a Minute," "Kitchen Cuisine (or Poor Man's Chef)," "P90X Half-marathoner," "Quasi-Seamstress," "Home Project Manager," "Instant Laundry,""Bear Den Leader (I actually cancelled den mtg, a bit step for me)," and "Sweet and Sexy Wife (no shower and no sleep make for a sore wife)." Faith has just needed 'Mommy.' So I decided to accept that (thanks to my loving husband's suggestion to just let the other things go and focus on what was important) and do my best at being "Mommy."

While sitting and holding her little body, and often Danny with us, my mind has been wandering a lot. In efforts to shut out the other jobs of mine, I have been trying to figure out what IS most important. Several meandering thoughts have been meshing themselves over the past few days. In hopes that I can preserve these tender personal revelations before going back to all the other stuff (who knows how soon that could be, Danny is now phlegmy and who knows if he will get the fever, oh I hope not!), here are some of the most important points that keep crossing paths:

In our Sunday School lesson on Sunday we were discussing lesson 10 (see earlier post) which I had really liked studying personally. I am glad I went to Church and did not just leave it at personal study because there was one question that the teacher asked while talking about pride. "How does pride affect relationships?"
Good question. The answer that kept coming to my mind, that wasn't suggested by anyone else, was; it either destroys the relationship, or makes the people in it (one or both) stronger. How? It is how you react, or rather choose to act (see Bednar "Offend"). As I interact with people, whether I be the proud one in the relationship, or not, or maybe both of us are, I can either let that destroy it, or learn to be humble and become closer to God. In each instance I will have the opportunity to Love as Christ loves, or not. Make it or break it. I look back at my life and realize that the most treasured relationships I have are with some very proud people, not because I am better than they (being any less proud) but because I have learned to love them on the Lord's terms. President Benson was not in error when he taught us 'Beware of Pride,' it is written throughout the Lord's words through all time. I should remember that.

The pride thing kept crossing paths while I was reading through the upcoming Joseph Smith lesson 29 "Living with Others in Peace and Harmony." That lesson seemed to be the flip side of the pride topic, for isn't the peace that comes from love the exact opposite of pride? So many good thoughts there from a man that suffered under the hand of persecution so gracefully and loved men at all times. Here's a gem:
"If you will put away from your midst all evil speaking, backbiting, and ungenerous thoughts and feelings: humble yourselves, and cultivate every principle of virtue and love, then will the blessings of Jehovah rest upon you, and you will yet see good and glorious days; peace will be within your gates, and prosperity in your borders"
Furthermore, he expresses the virtues that we should have/cultivate to become a peacemaker; animation, virtue, love, contentment, philanthropy, benevolence, compassion, humanity and friendship.

That was a crossroads to the upcoming Sunday School lesson focusing on missionary work. I was reading in Doctrine and Covenants 4:6 "Remember faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility, diligence." My snide thought was that those are the qualities that were required of missionaries just to survive their companions! But then as I was pondering while sitting with Faith, I remembered them again weaving in and out of pride, peacemaker and, oddly enough, food storage.

I have no idea what has spurned my almost frustratingly urgent desire to make sure we are prepared for an emergency. I just keep hearing in my head "If ye are prepared ye shall not fear." Perhaps reading a bit of Hugh Nibley, the ultimate advocate of the 'last days,' has set some foliage to the fire, but it is more than that. It really has to be part of this tapestry of thoughts that are keeping the inner tinkerings of my head a-whirr.

Moral: I am not absolutely sure yet. It has to do with progression. It has to do with priorities. It has to do with becoming. It all has to do with this time of mortal probation. Be a peacemaker, aware of pride, but who is nonetheless prepared for all things.

I am glad to be just a Mommy today, and yesterday, and the day before. Perhaps my at home message today is to do what will make me the best that day. It has obviously been good for someone just focus a few minutes longer on what really IS important.

Moments of Faith

Procrastinating is my only real talent

When I was expecting Faith, I created a crib set. I finished the quilt and nearly finished the bumper. We did not know Faith's gender so I made the crib set gender neutral, which really means more boyish. I didn't use the quilt much with Faith because we were given really nice pink ones from other gifted people. We didn't really use the crib because we were moving around so much. It wasn't until Faith was nearly one that she finally was sleeping in the crib, no need for a bumper.
Then as we set up the crib while expecting Danny I kept saying that I needed to finish the bumper. I kept saying it, and saying it, and well.....Danny is nearly 9 months old and was getting his chubby little legs stuck in the slats. So after nearly 2 years, I finished the bumper!!!
I am actually surprised at how well it turned out considering I never use patterns and eyeball everything and really do a shotty job of sewing things together. I am not a patient seamstress. I send a great shout out to my mother for patiently teaching each of her daughters how to sew. Some actually caught on, some (me) pretended, and others just let the ones who caught on do the sewing for them.
Which brings me to another sewing shout out -- my sister Annmarie is an amazing seamstress!! I always knew she was good, but I didn't realize exactly how skilled she is until this week. I have been unpicking a dress that she made for me in high school. I will be making matching Easter outfits for Faith, Danny, and I out of the material, doing gifts on a budget. It has been an eye opener to see the amazing detail that Annmarie put into making this dress that honestly I did not really appreciate because it didn't turn out exactly how my dreamy 17 year old brain wanted it to. I have seen store bought clothing that is made poorer than this one dress that she made for me! Annmarie was the go to girl. She made me at least 2 prom dresses, and when you think about that, she wasn't more than a teenager herself making professional dresses for her younger sister. Wow! It was quite the contrast to my bumper fiasco.

ps Ain't Danny cute! He is my sunshine boy.

my Very Good Advice

In the Disney version of "Alice in Wonderland," whilst lost in the woods, Alice sits down to pout. Her song begins with a sigh and the words "I give myself very good advice, but very seldom follow it." She realizes for her lack of attention to even her own good sense, not to mention the disregard of others' advice, she is lost. She takes whatever path she can, only to find them erased from in front and behind her by a sweeping dog. She finally encounters the Cheshire cat and when she asks him which way she should go, he replies "That depends on where you are going."

Here is a directional decision I have been pondering lately:
My sister asked a few days back what Josh and I's position was regarding R rated movies. My initial, and easy, response was 'NO RATED R.' Base reasoning; that was how I was raised, that was how Josh was raised and how we choose to continue living.
As I have been pondering why that is such an easy decision for me, I started to unearth some of the deeper reasons why I choose not to go down that road.
In the end, this is one of those Mormon culture questions that gets batted around along with caffinated drinks and dating before you are 16. I am not certain if or what doctrine has been given from the pulpit by General Authorities, but we do know what we have been taught as guiding principles. Without doing a specific search to support my reasons from other sources, I have found that I have substantial enough internal evidence to stand my ground.


Movies are rated on a scale based on content. Generally, the worse the content, the more severe the rating. Content guides come in categories of violence, language, and sexually explicit images. When I review those categories I know they are things that I do not want to have negatively impacting my home or my spirit. I am too empathetic to watch violence, it makes me physically ache. I do not need the 'ready in time of emotional distress' vulgar catch phrases anywhere stored in my brain, and let's be honest, if you hear them, the get input. And the sexual stuff, let's leave that behind doors folks! It is pornographic to say the least, not romantic. Ergo, if I do not want any of those three influences in my life, home, or head then I should not see movies that have them in it. For that reason also, I think that most if not all PG-13 movies are off my 'see that' list.

Beyond the logical, I don't feel right when around bad things. I do humbly hope that such sensitivity is because of a personal relationship that I have with the Holy Ghost. If He has to leave, I would prefer to also. I have never watched an R rated movie. I was in the room a couple of times when a few were playing, but I left the room, often before I even knew the rating.

One final rebuttal, for those that insist that there are some 'educational' movie out there that have been harshly rated for their 'real' depictions of history, or even present day life, to that I say I can read the history or the news and get the report with out the heads rolling or dirty language. The cinema almost always interprets things as they see reality, or the harshness of the past, I choose to interpret it as it suits me, or edit it as I choose. Even in begnin flims, things are blow out of the original proportion - that was my observation lately with the film version of 'Prince Caspian.' CS Lewis does not describe any of the battles in the book, but you still get the feel for how horrible it was without the gory images. Even the Disney version played out the battles on screen (much to Josh's delight), to a PG audience. I still prefer the book.

Today's Counsel

As I was using the Doctrine and Covenants study guide preparing for the Chapter 10 lesson, appropriately named "This Is My Voice unto All," I felt as though so many answers to my prayers were written right before me. I wanted to recognize that the Lord answers my prayers, even the one from this morning! Now that is humbling.

My Calling in Life (for now):
and the office of they calling shall be for a comfort unto thy husband, in his afflictions, with consoling words, in the spirit of meekness (work on that part).

Covenants, remember those?:
Wherefore, lift up thy heart and rejoice (I love rejoice scriptures!), and cleave unto the covenants which thou hast made. Continue in the spirit of meekness (there is that word again), and beware of pride (heard that before, Pres Benson was it?). Let thy soul delight in thy husband (how can I not with such an amazing man, hey, this marriage thing is part of the covenants...oh I see) and the glory which shall come upon him (gotcha. go to temple and it is all so clear).

Princess for a day, or even better ETERNITY!
Keep my commandments continually, and a crown of righteousness thou shalt receive (that should be very pretty).

Financial Advise; reprioritize:
And if ye seek the riches which it is the will of the Father to give unto you, ye shall be the richest of all people, for ye shall have the riches of eternity: and it must needs be that the riches of the earth are mine to give (I really need to remember that); beware of pride (heard that before, hear it again)

Glad I cleaned the toilets:
Set in order your houses; keep slothfulness and uncleanness far from you. (it really does feel better when I am organized and productive, wow, it is more than just a hygiene thing)

In Addition:
I was listening to this talk while running on the treadmill this morning, I just can't get enough of it. So perfect.
Celestial Marriage

Economic Boost: Dollar store and Internet

We did some shopping at the dollar store this past week. Wish I had been savy enough to know that everything was $.88 on Tuesdays and saved myself the big buck. None the less, the dollar store is one of the last remaining stores on the planet where you go the check out stand with a cart full, and when they tell you how much the total is, you happily say ‘Really?” It is nice to be able to get stuff for what it is worth and not the ridiculously jacked prices.
Speaking of ridiculous economy busting tactics while: Josh took me out running shoe shopping yesterday. We went to a couple of great shops that pay you very kind attention and fit you with the ‘perfect’ shoe. We took down the name and price of the shoe to compare at each store –and online. I politely told the sales people that I had to wait an hour before making any purchase over $50 dollars upon my husband’s request. Josh gave me a cocked look. I always feel guilty after being served kindly not buying what they so attentively helped me with, so I lied to a degree. Josh wishes that I lived by this rule, but I don't, I just didn’t want to seem like the bad guy.

We came home with the names of the two shoes I liked best. Both were priced at $99. What?! That is nearly $100 for shoes, I don’t care if they knock off a penny or two so it looks like it is not as expensive as they are. Our goal was to find the shoe for $60. Josh said I could spend $100 of our tax return on my running gear, and I need some additional supportive gear.

So, we set out with the money saving task at hand. On the official site for the Adidas shoe it was priced at $70, your first idea that it does not cost $100 for a store to get and sell a shoe to you. Then we found the Nike shoe for $70 at Roadrunner.com. The table was even. Which do you get? I waited and bought $30 equivelant of bras before making a decision. Then Josh found my Adidas shoe on Amazon.com for $50! That is half the price as the shoe stores! I am joyous and appalled all at once. I am mostly happy that Josh and I have learned to find an alternative way to get everything cheaper. Josh believes that anything over $100 is negotiable, and now we find that even something at $99.94 is negotiable as well.



I'll spare you the photo of my underwear purchase.