i have been rather emotional lately. not the good kind of emotional either. disspointed. grumpy. disgrundtal. irratible. blaming. self-concious. embarrassed. crabby. and downright mad.
I went to insititute this morning and realized that I need to repent (read Alma chapters 33-40 and see how you feel about repentance). seems like it ought to be a personal kind of repentance, where i get back to that oh so needed relationship with my Father in Heaven and humility towards the great power of the atonement as brought about by the Savior. sad part is, right now i kinda feel like being proud. i don't like the thought of being humble again. i am not motivated by love. not even perfect love. the injustice has dug its claws right in under my ribs and it hurts, and because it hurts, i want to be angry.
Good thing is, I do still remember what it feels like to have been forgiven. to have forgiven myself. to no longer grind that ache into my heart but shoo it away. i do prefer that, it is just the process of getting there again. the process: letting go, being humble, praying sincerely, returning to doing the good things that keeps the monster claws away.
following the prescribed process is not hard, it is the wanting to that remains difficult. a likely metaphor is the desire to be in shape, really in shape, and knowing how alive you feel when you are, and yet, not wanting to put forth the initial effort that invariably will break you down a bit before you get stronger.
silliness really, to want peace in your life to come about without inviting the Holy Ghost or the Savior to be a part of it. not to mention that all the above feelings mentioned are not so condusive to flocking others around your warm aura.
at least now, after sharing, i feel more resigned, albiet exhausted. tenderizing the heart does require some pretty hard hits.
Thanks to Culture Passes we had a super fun day Friday at the Arizona Science Center after picking up our bestest buds the Bolke's at the airport. I got to play with Danny and Faith all to myself.
Faith and I are going to start our own DJ mixers buisness, of course we will have to borrow this digital display from the science center. If you put your and in the line of the light then it makes different sounds from different instrunments, or animals. Faith and I are a good team.
our Peon of the Button Factory has been working hard for a promotion. It is noticeable. He swiftly moved through the ranks once he started walking, talking, and almost sleeping through the night.
From Yellow Hat (one step above peon).....
To steeley blue-green (apprentice to the master)....
to ruler of the universe. Yep, he controls it all from that little bench.
Faith, Dec 2008
Danny, January 2010
If there is a pair of socks around, Danny puts them on. He has surprised me several times, mostly because of the grunting that preceeds actually getting the socks on. Josh left his socks on the floor (shocker) and Danny found them. The result, and amazingly proud little boy who looked a bit like Mr. Tumnus.
Faith had to get in on the picture taking too. Without skipping a beat, Danny followed exactly her runway lead.
It was coincidental that Danny happened to be wearing the strange plaid pants with a brown jacket when he found the French hat and put it on. Doesn't it just seem as though he ought to be sitting in front of an easel painting the Eifel tower?
Faith and I tried our luck at being more French with a 'mustache chocolate'. Nothing like warm melty chocolate making your upper lip twitch!
