Because my kids are amazing....

Conversations with Buttons:

Faith: Momma, why are we dropping you off at rehearsals today?

Me: So I can run home.

Faith - with emphasized sincerity -: Cars go faster than running.

Danny - during our night time personal payers -: Momma, I really want a pet of my own.

Me: Okay son, we'll talk about it some more when we get to Indiana.

Danny - only after a slight thoughtful pause, then with a peircing gaze into my eyes: Do they have giraffes in Indiana?

(and although not as memorable, Viv is still having conversations with us)

2pm lunacy

I am so very very grateful for naps and treadmills.

Why is it that I go crazy everyday right around 2?

It might be a global effect becuase the kids go crazy too.

Time to chill out or run it out - some sort of mechanism for this craziness to kill!

WHAP!

Danny is the lightest sleeper in the family. And, Danny prefers to cuddle. And also, Danny likes my bed best of all in the house. That triple threat means our son is constantly trying to finagle his way into our bed throughout the night. It works, after all, because after several attempts and putting him back in his bed through the night I eventually get to exhausted to conciously accept that I am letting him under the covers yet again. I have given up the battle in those precious early morning hours when Josh gets up before the sun to exercise. Danny's little alarm goes off as well and he knows there is a vacancy in the bed. Within moments of Josh getting up, Danny is getting in. I figure at that point there is plenty of space for the two of us. Although, Danny is a horrible bedfellow. He loves to cuddle, yet on his terms. And those terms are met only after much kicking and elbowing.

Yesteday, Danny climbed in the bed and began his usual fight for the perfect cozy spot. I moved over in bed as far away has his width and height, yet he continued to kick for a spot right in the small of my back. Finally, the whispered threateningly, "Danny if you do not stop kicking me I am going to throw you out of this bed!" The commotion stopped for a moment and I began to relax into my pillow when suddenly I felt WHAP! Danny threw his right arm out right into my shoulder. After all, it wasn't a kick.

5 year old Faith

I am astounded and amazed by my darling Faith everyday. She went and turned 5 on Saturday. She is grown into all five of those years and has a poise and natural grace all her own. We got to have an early morning present opening celebration before Josh went to work at 7am. Faith had wanted a birthday cake with roses - so Josh found some cupcakes with frosting rose-buds. I then promised the kids lunch out, Faith's pick of restaurant was Joe's barbeque (the one closest to the theatre, her favorite place to go with me), and then the kiddos joined me for some afternoon rehearsals.

Faith had the cutest conversation with one of the kind Grandpas in the line at Joe's. After he said a polite hello she informed him that it was her birthday. They talked a bit about how old she was then when he asked her to guess his age she took a inquisitive and summing look at the old man and said, assuredly 'Fourteen!' He chuckled and corrected her at 88. I love with such confidence she faces the world.

Faith requested to have gymnastic lessons as her birthday gift this year - I was so proud of her for wanting that learning/growth gift rather than a tangible toy. She joined Danny's class on Monday, after much much much waiting for the day to arrive (Saturday to Monday is eternity) and preformed exceptionally. She is a teacher's dream student, full of life and yet eager to try her very very best. After the class was over I was surprised that she was acting morose. WHen I asked her why the long face she said "I wanted to be in the long class." After so many months of waiting for her siblings' classes to get over with from the outside she did not expect the time to fly while participating in the class. It took some convincing to get her to believe the she in truth had spent the full hour in class.

Faith got her traditional Fancy Nancy book, which the three kids came running into my room early in the morning the next day to demonstrate the glow in the dark front. She reads small words and has lovely penmanship. It is just so easy to want to spoil her.

While reviewing her life I realized that although she was born in Rexburg (at the same hospital I was born at) she celebrated her first two birthdays in Boise and then the last three here in Arizona. The next will likely be in Indiana. What a busy little life she has had and I watch how she soaks every essence of joy from each day.

Impressionable

Sick of staying home on Friday night, as per usual, I decided to take the kiddos out to see a stage production of Annie. By intermission Danny was done and Josh was home from work so he came to pick him up, when Josh asked why he didn't want to see the rest of the show, Danny sighed and said 'I'm tired.' (would that all my kids would just admit they were tired and go to sleep rather than being crazy and grumpy!)

The girls, however, were completely glued to the stage. Viv even had fewer questions than usual and was content to watch rather than pester me. Faith lived the show (my favorite part of enjoying entertainment with her, she's like me). The best part is listening to them singing the songs on the car ride home and subsequent days thereafter.

Faith truly took the show in, which was evidenced by bathtime a week later. I was toweling her off and praised her for being so lovely when she is all clean and smiley. Without a beat, yet with a twinkle in her eye, she sang on cue "You're never fully dressed without a smile!" We both giggled at the coy comment, considering she wasn't dressed at all! Oh I love the things they say and do.

30 and still learning

Why have I not just admitted it to myself yet? There is one day of the year when I really should not try to be selfless because it always backfires - my birthday.

I remember a couple years as a kid thinking to myself, "I bet if I didn't say anything at all nobody would even remember.'' Those where the years where I was still wise enough to admit to myself that it did matter to me. A couple years I fooled myself into trying not to care when my day was run over by the end of holidays and return to school. I remember one sad year at the cabin when we didn't have to go back to school yet that there were no birthday wishes until noon. And then there were the years that everyone tried to make it up to me by doing the delayed surprise birthday party.

Happily, some of the best days of my life where those when good friends made my birthday really special. Like the year in 7th grade when my two best friends coordinated the whole boys basketball team (which contained the better half of all my pre-teen crushes) to each give me a yellow daisy (my favorite flower) throughout the day. As if that weren't treat enough, they even conned my heart-throb crush to get down on one knee to give me the flower!

Sadly, the most lonely and depressing days have been the birthdays that I have known that January 2nd is just another day to most people and nothing much to celebrate. That woefully translates to me that I am nothing much to celebrate. I am blessed with enough of a bounce back self-esteem that I can rebound that, but it still hurts at the end of a really bad birthday.

As I turn, or shall I fittingly say age, into a more mature perspective I have mistakenly thought that the little girl yearnings of hoping that my day would somehow sparkle would just fade into self assurance and contentment. It's not that number that gets me bluesy, it is feeling like it wouldn't matter if I were alive one more day for someone to notice. And those are selfish thoughts, I own that. I also own the right to feel special.

Tonight, at the end of my first day in my thirties, I have intended to be an adult, felt like a child and acted like a moody teenager. Next year, I will throw my own dang party, and the year after that I will by myself the best gift ever, and the year after that I will take a fantasy vacation, and in all those years after this I will actually be wiser and make my day special because I can count on me to remember to do it the way that counts.

Disclaimer: Thank you to all the thoughtful people that sent their well-wishes from where they are in the way the could today. It all counts. Drops in a bucket that I need to fix up the hole on.

And the kids were super sweet to greet me this morning in bed with sweet little voices saying happy birthday - before moving on promptly to reminding me that it is Faith's birthday soon. ;)

Nancy's Resolutions 2012

Stay happy and be my best self by:

1- Love greater and freer

2- Write down ideas or tasks as they occur so they can be addressed and prioritized

3-Collect quiet time to clear my mind, not fill with empty entertainment

4-Continuing with Happiness Project

5-Be consistent with children’s learning, projects, and chores

6-Stay committed to family goals

7- Each morning prioritize tasks with top 3 to focus on

8- Choose to fill discretionary time with higher quality

9- Just work out daily because you know it helps

10- Be vigilant with food quality, daily vitamins, water in-take